


How Can I tell?

by JanaRumpandRCClara



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, POV Third Person, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Priest Castiel, Prostitute Dean, Prostitution, Religious Content, Romance, Slow Build, Sub Dean, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:10:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 56,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanaRumpandRCClara/pseuds/JanaRumpandRCClara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester's life sucked. </p><p>He had to raise his two younger brothers by himself, lives in a small trailer in the back of the local church.<br/>And since money does not grow on trees, he ended up using the only thing he knew was good enough to be sold: his body. </p><p>That was his routine, until the day a new priest arrived. A weird guy, with good intentions and big blue eyes named Castiel Novak. Father Castiel Novak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic here is a birthday present for the awesome Ana (one of my many wives).  
> In the begining was a light-hearted little fella with too many shippings and sub-plots for me to let it be like that.  
> This is actually the third version I've written of this fic, and I'm still writing it but won't give up ( I promise!)  
> It's unbetad ( Didn't want to put Jana through this one because she has a lot to do)  
> So any typos warn me. 
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the charachter belongs to me and I have no intent to make money out of this.

_23/01/2002, 23:37 Lawrence, Kansas._

To say he felt like shit was to underestimate the feeling. 

His body was cold – better saying, it was freezing. Dean was out there in the truck stop, standing in the parking lot, moving his hands through his tights and arms to try and bring some warmth to his body. He was wearing his tighter jeans with a really low waist that revealed his underwear, a black t-shirt that didn’t feat him well anymore and a worn-out leather jacket. Nothing appropriate for the temperature, but he couldn’t just stay warm and stay sexy enough to call attention. All he wanted was to go back home to his bed and his blankets. But he needed to stay there, he hadn’t made enough money. There was a group of women there too, whores like him. All of them just ignored Dean, even if he had been there for five years they still acted like he hadn’t suffered as them, like he was only there because he needed some easy cash. And even if part of that was true, he had been through pretty much every fucked up thing a hooker could go. The man didn’t want to remember all the things he had let Alistair do to him when Sam and Adam had caught pneumonia two years ago when John had just gone missing for two months. He walked around a bit; the night was being terrible, only two blowjobs – No one wanted to go out on the cold. 

It was still too early for him to go back. There were only some scruffy ten dollars notes in his jacket’s pockets. Only eighty dollars. If he wanted to pay all the bills, to have money for Adam and Sam’s lunch and to pay for those school trips and Sam’s clothing for the prom he needed to get at least one-hundred and twenty dollars more. So many things for him to pay… These fuckers better come out and play. Because John had only sent him three hundred dollars this month and since he couldn’t trust his father would supply for them, so he was here again. Dean walked up to the fence, and rested his back against it. He needed to seduce one of those idiots in their trucks. He could feel the glances, some horny from some of the truckers, others of disgust – not all the guys liked what he had to offer – and the angry ones from the group. He was a loner. 

He closed his eyes, opening his legs a bit and letting his head fall back. Exposing his neck, there was cold against his skin and he was trying his best not to chill. ‘Please… Just one more and I can go back home…’ He tried to look sexy, desirable not letting the cold affect his acting. There were footsteps near and he opened his eyes worried, he needed to be ready if one of those idiots decided to pick up a fight. He might be a hooker, but he was a Winchester first, and Winchesters always fought their own fights. There was a guy, one of those red-neck truckers looking hungry at him; Dean gave one of his cocky smiles. It wasn’t an idiot after a fight, just a client. “You like what you see?”

The guy nodded and asked in a harsh voice. “How much?”

“It depends on what you want.”

The guy approached Dean, he smelled like booze and grease. This guy was too close to him, pushing the green eyed young man against the fence, his hands going straight to Dean’s ass, grabbing it. “I want your pretty ass.” His breath smelled like cheap whisky and vodka. And he was even more disgusting up close. The boy had to bite his own tongue not to give a cold reply.

The young man put both his hands in the guy’s chest ready to push him away if there was the need to do such. He gave the best smile he could fake, and he was one hell of an actor and a liar. “It will be one hundred grand.” He just hoped the idiot would accept it without trying to bargain for less, Dean wasn’t in his best condition right now. 

“Sounds good to me.” He whispered into the boy’s ear. 

“Bathroom, okay?” The young man pushed the guy away and moved, walking to the bathroom without looking back. He so needed a freaking shower by the time he got back into the trailer. The place was disgusting and had all sort of dirty talking and swearing written on its walls. He waited for the guy to come. As he entered the room Dean extended his hand, first rule if you’re going to sell your body: Always receive the money in advance. Of course Dean didn’t know that in the beginning and more than once that had result in him being left in bathrooms passed out and broke. The guy said something between his teeth but he ended up picking his wallet and gave him two worn-out notes of fifty. Dean gave the man his best cocky smile.

“Do you wanna do the prep or should I do it myself?” Some guys liked to finger him; others would rather just slip in. The guy was paying so he got to choose how he wanted things. 

“I wanna do it.” 

Dean sighed and turned his back to the guy unbuckling his belt and shoving down his pants and underwear. It wasn’t comfortable, but he couldn’t back down. He picked some lube from his jacket’s pocket and offered to the guy. When he was in the beginning of the job sometimes he would forget the lube…. And raw fucking left a bitching burn for a few days. One hand gripped his hips holding him still and there was a finger pressing to enter his hole. Dean closed his eyes, trying to think that it was someone else doing that. He almost laughed thinking it could be Dr. Sexy. The man added a second finger, moving in and out of him. He was not trying to make Dean feel anything but he ended up finding the spot anyway, the last thing he wanted was to sound like he enjoyed it. But he ended up moaning; the guy chuckled and leaned into him. 

“You like this, right little slut?” Of course the client was not letting it go without a comment. 

He bit his own lip, trying not to make any other noise. Soon enough another finger joined the two already there and he tried to hold on something but he couldn’t. The cold tiles weren’t good for that. The guy pushed him against the wall. The younger man’s cheek went against the wall the cold making him shake more. He almost wanted the guy to come closer, just for the warm of the body. There wasn’t much more prep, the guy was too horny for that right now. He just pulled his fingers out. 

“Condom, give it to me kiddo.”

That name made Dean want to throw up or hit him, that made him remember of Bobby, John and Ellen. And the last thing you want to remember when you’re about to get fucked for one hundred bucks is your father – because let’s face Ellen was more of a father to him than John – figures. “Don’t call me that.” He said between his teeth, trying not to sound too cocky or arrogant, this son of a bitch looked like the kind that would get off on teasing him. Before handing the condom over, he could hear the guy opening it up. At least he didn’t have to put it with his mouth. 

He could feel the guy grinning against his neck before entering him with one single movement. Dean ended up biting his lip so hard that it bled. ‘Great, it will be tough to hide this.’ He tried to keep his mind in something that wasn’t how the cold went away when the guy got closer to him; he focused his eyes on a spot on the wall and just let his body be used. 

“I wanna hear you, Bitch” The guy said grabbing his chin and making his mouth open. 

So he liked it loud. Dean would give him that, he was an actor and he could act the part. He started moaning, while the guy trusted harder into him. Sometimes him that sweet spot, but not even close to enough to make him near coming. But he didn’t usually have an orgasm while on duty. Not unless the guy would pay to jerk him off. And most of the times it wouldn’t be something he would hope to happen on his day. 

The client was almost there, the young man could feel that from the erratic movements and stuff, the dirty talking got worse… It always worked like this with these guys. Dean closed his eyes, thinking about his reasons to be here. The guy came, biting the hooker’s shoulder; it wouldn’t be a mark not in his skin – even if he couldn’t say the same about his leather jacket. The guy got out of him and moved away, Dean did not look at him whilst he pulled his clothes back on. He was feeling especially shitty after this one. But he had to at least take another guy before he got back home. But it was Thursday night and things were too freaking slow. The guy smirked at him but Dean just left as fast as he could. The guy gave him the chills. 

One hundred and eighty dollars were not enough. When he walked outside his legs felt weak. He had to call it for the night; there was no way his body could take more. He just pulled his jacket closer to his body walking down the highway whispering to himself “Highway to Hell”. It was a good twenty minute walk until he arrived where he had to be. 

Harvelle’s Roadhouse. 

Babe was parked there, and he had to give the money to Ellen. For all his brothers knew he was working there with Ellen and Jo. But the truth was she didn’t have how to pay him, so their agreement had been: Dean would report to her every time he worked out there, he would come and give her the money. And then she would be the one to deposit all the money in his account. He entered through the back door, trying not to call attention. He wasn’t really in the mood to face them right now. The man left the money in the same box hidden under one of the kitchen’s counters. When he was almost leaving, Jo entered through the door that gave access to the saloon. He sighed looking at her, he could see the girl wanted to say something – she had a smile in her face. Jo didn’t know with what he worked, but he knew that if even a word got out of his mouth right now she would find out – she might as well have considering his clothing. And this was too much shit for a fourteen year old girl. “Gotta go Jo, talk to you later.” He said, picking up his car keys and leaving. God, he still felt chilled to the bones. But he was going to pick babe and drive her home and everything would be okay. Until tomorrow night… When he would go once again to the truck stop and take whatever guy paid him. 

He drove the Impala until the city limits, to where the church was. The building was dark, but that was expected – Their priest had died a couple weeks ago. Father Jim was a good guy, but Dean couldn’t say he’d been heartbroken with the guy’s death. He only hoped the next guy wasn’t a son of a bitch. The last thing he needed was some dude asking why there was a trailer just outside the cemetery occupied by three boys. But if he’d ask than Joshua would find a way to help them, he always did. He had opened the window; he needed some cold air on his face. The small rode that lead into their place was a shitty one, but luckily the drive was fast. 

There was something odd about things. The lights on the trailer were on; they weren’t supposed to be on. Sam and Adam were supposed to be asleep since ten o’clock. This just wasn’t good. He got off the car walking fast to the door. He opened the door entering the trailer worried as help. He ended up sighing in relief when he saw his brothers sitting by the table. Sammy was snoring, his head falling back and that stupid pretty hair of his. Adam was sitting next to him, his head on the middle brother shoulder. Both of them were wearing their pajamas looked like the freaking children they were. Dean ended up smiling, and looking to what was in front of them on the table. 

It looked like a birthday cake or at least it was supposed to be that. It was cover in what looked like to be cream, and there were some clumsy writing: Happy Birthday Jerk!

He looked to the watch above the door. 00:39, January 24. It was his twenty first birthday. Dean had completely forgotten about it again… He kissed his baby brothers foreheads before going to the room and removing his clothing and hiding them in the fake bottom of the closet. Sam and Adam couldn’t find those, it would make them ask questions. He entered the shower the water was really hot, he needed that; his skin was chilled as fuck. After a few minutes, he tried to turn the heat down. But his feet just wouldn’t move. 

“Son of a Bitch…” he whispered. How could he have forgotten something that important? What was he a freaking amateur? His heart was racing, breathing got harder and he knew what this was. Temperature shock…

And everything turned black. 

 

 

“Dean!” He could hear Sammy calling. 

Dean opened his eyes scared and grabbing the first thing he could get his hands on. He looked at what it was, only to find he was gripping Sam’s shoulder away too tight maybe. He sighed looking to his younger brother. He was no longer in the bathroom, but this time he was on his bed, wearing his pajamas and wrapped on a blanket. 

“Sammy… “The older male ended up whispering with his head on his brother’s shoulder. “I passed out again…” It wasn’t a question but a statement. He had been a dumb bitch. 

He heard footsteps and looked when Adam entered the room with a cup of something warm. The younger Winchester sat on the bed too and offered him the cup. Dean picked it up and drank a bit. None of the younger said anything while he did it. After he was done he pushed it back to Adam’s hands. “Sorry boys…” He felt worse than his dad. And he ended up chuckling because no one could be worse than John. 

“Don’t need to be sorry Dean. Just get some freaking sleep and we will talk in the morning.” Sam said pushing him back to the bed. “Dad will show up for lunch today…”

That got Dean confused as fuck, why was John gonna show up? He only appeared like fifteen days per year and it was hard to believe one them would be his birthday. “You two better go to bed. You have classes tomorrow.”

“But…” Adam tried to say. 

“Just go to bed already.” He didn’t want to fight with them at this time of the night. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. Before pulling the bed underneath it, Adam whispered goodnight and climbed to the upper bed of the bunker. There was silence for a few minutes before Dean finally let himself sleep. Feeling less chilled, but incredible dirt. He hadn’t got the change to wash himself properly yet. But he was too tired to give a major fuck about it now. Even if he knew there would be nightmares… It was still better than reality. 

 

 

He woke up seven o’clock and went straight to kitchen to prepare breakfast for those two idiots between some shots of cheap whisky – because he needed some good old alcoholism to deal with all the crap on his life. If his father was dropping by he needed to be really wasted not punch the son of a bitch – nothing against his grandmother but the guy was a douche no matter in what she had worked . He turned the radio on, letting one of the old tapes in and turning the volume up. He gave a typical cocky smile whilst frying the bacon. 99 problems was one nice song, and well he kind of liked the lyrics. After a few minutes Adam appeared still in his pajamas looking sleepy. “Mornin’ jerk” 

“Mornin’ Dumbass”

The kid smiled and hugged his brother. “Finally became a grown up, right?” Dean ended up smiling and ran his fingers through Adam’s hair. The kid was sweet. “Go get dressed and wake Gigantor up. You guys gotta go to school.” 

Dean didn’t like making his birthday a big thing. They didn’t have the money to celebrate and if someone deserved to celebrate their birthdays were his brothers. “We’re eating the cake tonight. All of us. You, me, Sammy and Dad. What do you think?”

The boy let go of him, forcing a smile in his lips before leaving. Adam wasn’t very comfortable with Dad. John had left to work with the truck when he was only five. The kid didn’t have many happy memories of John. Dean was more his dad than his older brother. He set up the table, there wasn’t much food, and he picked the money to Sam and Adam’s lunch. They were in a tight budget, again. But maybe his father would bring some money. 

After a few minutes the two showed up sleepy and grumpy. Sam sat in front of him, with that famous bitch face on. He wasn’t pleased with the going-to-school-in-his-older-brother’s-birthday thing. But the kid wanted to go to college he needed to study. However, this was no time for this conversation it would only make them argue even more. This sucked. 

“So, do you want to talk about whatever happened last night?” Sam asked between bites of his bacon with eggs. 

Oh Great. Now Sammy wanted to have a heart to heart moment. “We’re not talking about this; I just stayed in the cold and was a bit of an idiot forgetting that I was not supposed to change temperatures so harshly.” He answered straight and impatient. 

Sam didn’t look like he believed it – but fuck it – they were not going to talk about this. At least that much he was owed after raising those two. There were too many minutes of uncomfortable silence whist they ate the rest of their breakfast. After that both of his brothers left, Sam pissed and Adam hurt.

Dean left the trailer right after them. Sam would take babe to school, even if that made Dean’s skin crawl. But he supposed that was a fitting punishment for pissing his baby brother this early in the morning. 

He walked up to Joshua’s place; the old man must have something for him to. There was always so work to be done in this church. And the guy was probably waiting for him somewhere for a weird talk and weird smiles. Benny would probably be there too – a veteran from the war that did volunteering helping them around. Dean kind of liked the guy, most times. 

And he was right. 

Joshua was at the kitchen when Dean entered through the back door, making coffee for him and Benny. Both of them looked at him with their famous concerned looks. The young man only rolled his eyes sitting on one of the chairs. 

“You two stay quiet.” He barked not even looking to them.

“We just wanted to say… Happy Birthday Dean” Joshua said and Dean could almost see him smiling – that same peaceful smiles as always. Nothing ever disturbed the guy. 

Benny sat right in front of the birthday man. “You should celebrate Dean, not look like today’s your fucking funeral.” 

“You wouldn’t be so pleased if you knew your drunkass of a father would show up.”

“Good old John? I kind of missed him…” Dean couldn’t help staring at him with all the anger he could. “Just kidding. You don’t have to be so freaking grumpy.”

“Shut the fuck up Benny, would ya you son of a bitch?”

It was always like this with the two of them. But even Dean had to admit they were sort of friends. The older man of the three served coffee to the ex-soldier and asked Dean with a smile. “I believe you already had coffee, right?” The young man just nodded feeling tired already.

This was going to be one hell of a shitty birthday. 

“Oh yeah, before I forget it, you’ll have to pick up the new priest by at the bus station. I’ll be busy preparing the room for him.”

“Why can’t you go pick him up? I’m able to do whatever fixing its needed.”

“But it would be unfair to make you stay locked inside here in your birthday” Benny was always a cynic motherfucker when it came into making Dean’s life miserable. 

“Alright you son of a bitch. What’s the dude’s name?”

“Father Castiel Novak.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel arrives, and Dean has a birthday party and problems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, sorry for the long time it took me (things of school and stuff)  
> Once again it's unbetated ( Jana no complaing this time, I sent you the chapter Friday for revision... And nothing tsc tsc tsc)  
> Good reading!

Dean was driving to the freaking bus station in Joshua’s truck. He had to put the radio on some cheesy radio station playing old successes from the 80’s. He was really pissed about this, not really at Joshua to ask him to do this… He just was angry. A man has the right to be angry sometimes. The place was right downtown, he just hoped that things would come out fine this time. It had already been hell to see share a lunch with Benny, Joshua and a very annoyed John Winchester – who didn’t even remember this was Dean’s birthday. The guy tried to outdrink Benny on a challenge, and had passed out in the gardener’s couch before Dean left. 

He parked the truck and got up, he usually avoided crowded places. Well, he avoided any place where there was a chance he’d meet one client or people in general. He put his hands inside his jeans pockets walking inside the place. There were eyes on him, but there were always eyes on him. He could almost hear the voices talking about him. About how his face looked feminine, how his lips looked like some girl’s lip. How his bow legs were made to be open. He’d get a lot of that crap when working and sometimes when he was off-duty two. Yes, Dean was an example of masculinity; he looked like some working class man. But those little details always had made him… a bit insecure. He waited for the priest to show up, sitting on a bench trying to think about something. His eyes scoped around the place, a guy dressed as a priest would be easy to spot on the crowd. 

After good twenty minutes waiting he finally spotted the guy, waiting patiently by the door. He was far younger than Dean expected him to be. In his mind every priest was made in churches just like little robots or things like that… And every priest was made to be old enough to be your grandfather. And ninety percent of them were complete assholes just trying to sell you their faith. He walked over to the guy. “Father Novak?” Dean asked, with his best cocky smile in his face. 

The guy didn’t look bad at all. Actually he looked freaking hot for a priest, the kind of guy that Dean would be interested in. Big blue eyes that seemed full of comprehension, a bit shorter than the young man but he was definitely older than him. With a five o'clock beard covering his face and a messy dark hair.

“Yes. You’re here to pick me up I supposed?”

“You’re right. I’m Dean by the way.”

They shook hands, and for the Winchester’s surprise the smaller guy was pretty damn strong. He picked up the Father’s baggage – one big bag and only that. And they both walked back to the truck. “Do you work at the church?”

“Part of my time” He answered putting the baggage on the back seat before opening the doors. “Me, Benny and Joshua do some repairs and sometimes we dig graves…. This kind of stuff”

“You’re young…” The guy commented sitting beside him. He looked distracted, but Dean supposed that was who he was. 

“I’m turning twenty-one… Today” He said driving. 

“Oh. Congratulations.” Castiel said touching his shoulder, something that startled the young man. Mostly because this touch didn’t came from his family but it wasn’t perverted. He looked to the other man and relaxed. He didn’t like touchy people, but that guy didn’t seem dangerous… And Dean was good at reading people.  
“No need to say it… But thanks.” 

He turned on the radio, letting the guy choose which was going to be the radio station… The guy ended up putting it on the news. “Is this your first…church?” He wasn’t sure why he was making small talk with this Novak guy; he just ignored the fuck out of the last priest, like he wasn’t even there. 

“Yes. I was studying before being assigned here.”

After that things grew into an uncomfortable silence. Nothing new for Dean, things just happened to be like this when he met new people. Maybe because he wanted to be away from anyone, he needed to keep things hidden. When he parked outside Joshua’s place, the priest looked confused.

“Do you live here?”

“No, I live down there. Joshua lives here; the dude is the gardener of the church since forever.”

They left the car and walked to the house; the priest picked up his bag and walked after him. Dean opened the door and entered, his father was still passed out in the couch. Benny and Joshua were nowhere inside the house – they’ve probably gone to do some work. Novak left his bag on the floor. “I wonder –if it’s not inconvenient for you – you could bring me a glass of water?” He asked politely. 

Well, this might not be Dean’s home. But he doubted the gardener would care if he used the kitchen. 

“Sure” He opened up the fridge and poured a glass of water to the guy. When he turned to give it to him, well, Castiel was looking to the pictures Joshua had on his wall. And something about that made Dean uncomfortable; there were a bunch of pictures of the Winchester boys, of Bobby and Rufus and a few with Jo and Ellen. Those were the closest thing the Winchester had of family photos, and this stranger looked like he could read every one of them. 

“Found anything interesting?” He ended up sounding a bit too much aggressive. The other man turned to him, looking surprised. “I was just observing. It’s good to see the community here is a warming one.”

“Don’t wanna spoil your party Father, but most of the people there are not a part of the congregation.”

The priest frowned looking confused. “And what would that matter? I’m sure they good people.”

That kind of caught Dean off guard and made him a bit suspicious. Was the guy really that open minded or just pretending to be? Castiel walked towards him and picked up the glass, drinking and staring at him. That gaze was a bit too intense for Dean’s taste; he ended up looking away to the window. He had to inform Joshua the priest had arrived; and after that he had to pick the boys up – He had made a promise to them. 

“Come with me.” He said after the guy had finished the glass of water. 

And he walked out of the house with the priest after him. The church was next to the house, not even twelve steps away. He opened the building’s main door. “Benny?! Are you there?” He called walking down the aisle. 

The veteran appeared, coming from the back – where it was the room Castiel would occupy for the rest of his days – covered in sweat and paint. He walked towards them with a big smile in his face. “So this little fella is our new priest?” he said offering his hand to the smaller man. 

“I’m Father Castiel Novak. Pleased to meet you.” 

“Benny Lafitte.” His friend had that smile of his that was denouncing he was skeptical about the man in front of him. “Sorry fella is just… Aren’t you a little bit too young to be a priest? When I was your age I didn’t even believe in what my father said.” If Dean didn’t know the older man better he would have fought that Benny didn’t like the new priest. 

“I’m 27 and I’m utterly sure I’m ready to preach to this congregation, otherwise they wouldn’t have chosen me to do so.” Novak replied, and Dean smiled. Not many people could make Benny look so wrong in such a short time. “Now, I would be happy if you decided to show me my room.”

Benny was smiling, he had liked the guy. Probably more because of his reaction, if the priest had been completely passive it would probably make him disappointed. This was how Benny was in the end of the day. When they walked away Dean stayed behind and walked out, he’d rather stay in the cold than have to talk to other people. There was not much he could do right now, besides… Well waiting for his brothers’ class to end. When he was walking down the path to his trailer, he met up with Joshua. 

“What do you think of him?” The question was thrown in air not looking to him. Joshua had his usual smile of comprehension, looking to Dean and smiling. 

“He’s not that bad.” The young man said with a cocky smile in his face. He knew there was no reason to act like this around him, but it was something Dean just did.

“I knew you would like him.”

“Have you met him before today?” He was confused… If Joshua had met the priest, why hadn’t he mentioned that?

“I talked to him on the phone a couple of times. To give him a head’s up of how our congregation was, just small talk you know?”

There was something else in his words… some meaning hidden, it was almost like if Joshua knew something about Dean and Castiel that not even the two of them knew.

Maybe he did. Dean had always thought of the guy has a sort of a psychic. Come on, he always knew what was troubling everyone; he always knew what to say. 

 

 

“Dean?” Sam was on the phone, sounding happy and excited. 

The older one of the Winchesters boys moved in his bed, looking to the ceiling. He could hear John watching the TV on the living room. “Where are you two Sammy?” He asked a bit worried, his brothers should be home for them to celebrate his stupid birthday. 

“We’re at the Ellen’s bar. Can you come with the guys from the church?” The kid was not even hiding that they were probably planning a party down there. Dean sighed getting up. “I’ll go. Just please; don’t make anything that calls too much attention. You know I hate those things.”

He could almost see Sammy cracking one big of a smile “Relax Dean. I know how you like your birthdays.”

“Full of Strippers and beer.” Dean said with a smile, just because he sold himself it didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate a good strip when he saw one.

“You’re an idiot sometimes Dean. Just get that pale ass of yours down here, we’re waiting for you. And don’t forget the cake.”

“I won’t… If you promise me there will also be pie.”

His brother hung up before saying anything else. Dean sighed and changed his clothing, putting some worn jeans, a plaid shirt and his jacket. The mark on the shoulder still pissed him, but he could always say it had been some girl. “Dad?”

“What kid?” John answered, not sounding as drunk as he used too. 

The young man went to the living room. “We’re going to Ellen’s bar.” He didn’t ask for his father to come, he knew the old man would, more to meet his friends than to celebrate Dean’s birthday. Not that he was expecting that much of consideration from a man who was almost always drunk or miserable.

“Your brothers are there?”

“Yes Sir.”

They walked out the trailer and Dean locked the door – even if there was nothing worth stealing inside. “I can’t believe my kids are leaving in a trailer… It’s not a home.” Dean closed his eyes and ended up biting his lower lip. He wanted to scream into his father’s face, tell him that the only reason they were leaving in such a place was because John had sold the house to by the freaking truck. Because Dean couldn’t pay the freaking rent of the apartment with the money John would sometimes send. However, he said neither of these things he just walked down the road with John behind him. Yes, he loved his father even though the old man had a thing for making the wrong choices… But at least today Dean liked to pretend they had an ordinary relationship. 

Joshua was in the garden, talking to the new priest. Dean approached them, with his hands in his pockets. Castiel looked at him and made gesture with his head, like to say that Dean could speak… That he was interrupting anything important. The younger man wondered for a couple of seconds how he could understand that much from a look… But it didn’t matter right now. 

“Joshua, Sam called he wants everybody to go to Ellen’s bar… I wandered if you wanted to go, and if you could borrow the car. They took Babe.”

Joshua smiled and cleaned his hands on his jumper. “Of course I would like to go Dean. I’ll just change clothing while you go and call Benny.”

“Sure.” He turned to John “If you wanna wait by the car… No problem.”

“Yeah, I think I will.” And he walked away. Dean knew there was something odd with his dad, he just wasn’t sure what. Castiel looked kind of lost when the gardener left him behind, and Dean kind of pitied the guy. He would stay alone in his first night in town, not even priests should be that lonely. “Wanna join us?”

“No, I would be interrupting a family gathering. But thank you for your invitation.” The younger man had to smile, the new priest sounded like he was always talking to the freaking president. Dean touched his shoulder and grinned even more. “Relax dude. It would be nice if you could join us. Besides, unless you are a complete idiot, I don’t see a reason to leave you behind.”

Castiel gave a cracked smile - that for some reason made Dean feel warmer - and nodded. “I will wait with your father by the car.”

“Not a good idea. The old man is kind of weird… He won’t be nice to you.”

“Well, I don’t expect everyone to be nice with me.” He said, walking past him and going towards the truck. Dean sighed and walked around looking for Benny, that stupid son of a bitch should be somewhere. After walking around the church, he saw his friend sitting with his back against the wall, drinking water and looking to the sky. 

“What happened now, Bro?” The young man asked, sitting beside him. 

“Elizabeth…”Benny answered. 

Dean sighed; of course it had to be her. Just like every single one of Dean’s problems were related to Sam and Adam every one of Benny’s problem were related to his daughter. The guy would die for her, but her mother had taken her to where god knows where. 

“She called me… Asking why I hadn’t gone to pick her up… I tried to ask her where she was… But her mom turned the phone off.”

“Bitch.”

Dean touched his friend’s shoulder, he had never being good in comforting people… But he could relate to this. If any of his brothers ever stood this far from him, if any of them ever went missing he would have gone crazy. “There isn’t much I can do…Just you know… Invite you to join my birthday party.”

The other man shrugged. “I can deal with that. It’s good to get some distraction from time to time.”

Both of them got up and walked towards the car. John and Castiel were talking to each other even if it looked more like if the guy was ignoring every word the Winchester man saying to him. Joshua was already inside the car. “The priest is coming with us? Never took you as the religious type.” 

The younger man rolled his eyes, he didn’t like being teased. “Shut up Benny.”

 

The night was going on much calmer than Dean believed it could go. They were sitting around one of the tables in Ellen’s bar, drinking, eating burgers and telling the same old stories. Bobby had come all the away from Sioux Falls, Rufus had come from where ever he was and even Garth showed up. Sammy was beside him, with that goofy smile talking to the priest, his brother still had some sort of faith – something Dean had always thought amazing, even if he could bring himself to have. Jo was talking with Adam about the matches her baseball team had. They were kids, and Dean kind of hoped they would become closer; his baby brother didn’t have that many friends and kids should have friends. Benny, Bobby and Rufus were talking about vintage cars and John would sometimes give opinions – but he was already drunk… So nobody gave credit to whatever he was saying. Sam got up a bit dizzy, he had been stealing sips from Dean’s beers since the beginning of the night. 

“Dean.”

“I’m listening Sammy.” The older man replied with a big grin on his lips. Things were going so smoothly he didn’t believe there was anything his brother could do to screw things up. 

“Well, I thought about countless presents I could give you, you jerk. But you would end up complaining that we don’t have the money… And I should use what you give to go out with some chick, like you always do and blah blah blah” It was fun to watch Sam drunk, it was one of the few times his brother wasn't trying ot pretend he was a smart guy.

“That’s true” Adam said, actually laughing at Sam. If all days could be like this… It would be the best present anyone could give him. 

“Thank you for backing me up Adam. So… I decided that I would give you one present that would actually make you proud of me for once. I’ve always told you I wanted to be a lawyer, even if we don’t actually come from a place where graduation is something important. That’s why I kept this secret, because you would probably tease me if you knew. I started studying… And two weeks ago, I didn’t have a school trip… Bobby actually took me to California, and I did the tests…. And I got into Stanford!” His smile was so sincere and so naïve, Dean knew he couldn’t crush his brother’s hope. He knew Sam could get into any college he wanted, if he’d only stop fooling around and studied… Well, his prayers had been listened… Just not in the way he hoped. But, even with all this bad thoughts in his mind, the older of the Winchester siblings got up and hugged his brother, giving his best possible smile.

“I’m fucking proud of you, Gigantor.”

He really was it didn’t really matter that Dean felt kind of hurt… Sam was leaving them, he’s was getting himself a chance of a better future, of a real future. But this things came with a price, and if they had barely any money for his brothers to buy him a birthday present there was no way they could pay for college. He tried to mess with his brother’s hair, but it was useless. People got up to say congrats to Sam, everyone tried to pretend they were normal that this was something they could afford. But the truth was that they couldn’t. And John knew that, so before he even got the chance of opening that damned mouth of his, Dean was escorting him to the kitchen. Saying he needed help to pick up some beers – which obviously wasn’t true. 

“What was that Kid?!” John asked annoyed and pushing him away. 

“You were going to say shit. You were going to ruin all his dreams.” Because it didn’t really matter how much things were fucked up for him, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t pay for it, he was going to find a way… Even if that meant having to call Crowley and ask to get his old regular clients back. 

“We are broke Dean! How in the fucking hell are we supposed to pay a college?!” John wasn’t shouting at least, he was speaking from between his teeth, pressing his finger against his eldest son chest. 

“I will find a way.”

“To pay for his make-believe ordinary life? So Sam can finally ditch us?! That’s all he ever wanted wasn’t it? Why can’t he go to the fucking college here if you guys are up to that? Why does it have to be Stanford?!”

Of course Dean was asking himself those questions, of course he felt kind of hurt for Sam’s choice, but if his brother wanted to go there Dean was not going to tell him otherwise. He just looked to his father, trying to look as serious and as confidant as he could. “It’s none of your business; you’ll be gone in the morning like you always are. So don’t fucking ruin his only chance of being an average kid. I’ll get the money… And I’ll deal with this.” Because I’m the one taking care of them – but those last words never left his mouth. Instead, he just turned and picked up some beers before heading back to the table. 

Castiel looked worried to him, and that kind of made Dean uncomfortable. He just sat beside Sam and begun drinking like his life depended on that. Eventually John came back with some beers; he touched Sammy’s shoulder and smiled. At least he acted like a professional when he wanted to. The rest of the evening was crap, but Dean should have guessed that much.

It was his birthday in the end. And none of his birthdays had been worth shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to warn me about any mistakes, typos, anything or leave comments (and Kudos).  
> Thank you guys so much for the kudos and bookmarks (you guys made me week better (for real))!!  
> And well, small warning... it takes some time to get some Destiel action, please don't get angry, is just that with their history I couldn't just take them to bed (or anywhere else) too soon.
> 
> I will see you guys when I finish writing 6! 
> 
> Kissus


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley being Crowley and Cas being Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while guys... School is killing me.  
> Finally we got some beta work here, this chapter is wonderfully revised by Jana.  
> So without further adue (that's french for no more fucking around let's get on with the show (onlynot))  
> Here you have your chapther.

Dean fucking hated Crowley. 

Actually, he fucking hated the situations in which he was forced to meet the man - it always meant he needed money, more money than he would usually get from working on the streets. Only in times like these would he drop by the asshole’s motel. None of this made the Scottish man less of a complete douchebag, though.

The young man sighed holding the steering wheel white knuckled, still not sure if he could do this. He needed to, that was true - if he didn’t manage to get more money, there was no way Sam would go to Stanford. Dad had left again (no surprise in that), but not before he had fought with Sam and made Adam cry. Dean had had to step in to protect his brothers from their drunk father – a pretty accurate resume of his childhood, actually. 

“Fuck Dean…Are going to do this or just seat here like a coward?” He whispered to himself, letting his forehead touch his hands. Not that he was in a hurry - it was a Sunday, a day when he didn’t have anything to do at the church. Castiel’s first mass had been today and Dean hoped the guy would adapt- what the fuck? He blinked a few times, trying to understand how in the hell had he began thinking about the priest.

Thoughts back on track, he let go of the steering wheel and turned off the car, holding the keys as if they were the only things that tied him to reality. There was no one around at this time - most people were probably being normal back at their homes or in the church. He entered the motel, glancing tense at the big Doberman lying on the cold tile floor - he didn’t like the dog very much, but at least the pet recognized him from his times before. 

“Hello, Boy.” The salesman's voice came from behind the counter, where he sat reading the newspaper. “Long time no see.”

Dean walked towards the counter and rested his forearms there, looking serious at the other man. The words were failing him right now, all he wanted was to turn around, leave and never come back. But it was not his fucking choice, so he just did the best he could to hide his emotions. “Well, I kind of hoped never to see your ugly face again.”

“You’re hurting me, Dean, you shouldn’t do that. Especially when you’re putting yourself on my hands.” Of course the son of a bitch knew why he was here. How could he not know? It was plain obvious to anyone with a quarter of his intelligence that, if Dean had returned to this shitty hotel, it meant he was back to business. 

“Fuck off, you son of a bitch.” He said between his teeth. Crowley just ignored the comment, leaving his newspaper on the counter and rising one of his eyebrows, waiting for Dean to tell what he wanted – even though he knew it already, it didn’t mean he wouldn't take the chance to mock on the older Winchester. 

“I need clients, Crowley. I need some idiots to pay to fuck me, and pay good. I’m not taking anything under two hundred dollars an hour.”

“And what in Hell makes you believe you’re worth that much?”

This at least he was sure of. He wasn’t a virgin, but he was good and still young. “I’m not taking anything under two hundred dollars, Crowley.” He was not backing up in his decision, anything less than that wasn’t worth what he would go through. 

“Not as dumb as a remembered you to be. Fine, I can find some idiots that would be willing to pay two hundred to have your pretty body. Can I contact your old clients?”

That question made Dean shiver, involuntary of course. There was logic in calling his ex-clients, but "them" meant Alistair as well, and Dean was not ready for him - he never wanted to see that bastard again in his life. If he said yes to that, he knew the first person the bastard would call would be his worst nightmare. Sure, they would make more money from Alistair, but even a motherfucker like Crowley knew that he couldn’t just let merchandise get damaged. 

“Yes….” The smirk on the asshole face’s was unbearable “You can call every single one of them, but Alistair.” And that erased the smirk. 

“But Squirrel…”

“No, Crowley. I’m not letting him anywhere near me, ever again.”

The shorter man shrugged, opening one of the drawers to take one of his contracts. “Well, it’s your choice…”

“Yeah, it is my choice. You don’t fucking have the right to stick your nose in it.” He was angry, even if he knew fighting Crowley wasn't worth it. He was the guy who would put clients on Dean’s bed, and he could be pretty nasty with his choices. Right now, though, Dean just wished to forget about this, just didn’t want to go back to the street tonight.

“Down, boy.” He pushed the contract to the younger man. “There are rumors that we've got a new priest. Is that true?” 

Dean was now reading the contract, the same old legal crap. He didn’t quite understand that shit, but he tried. “Yes.” 

“Good to know. What’s his name?”

Once again Crowley interrupted his reading and Dean started to think it was on purpose. “Castiel Novak.”

“Fancy name. I’ve got to meet him sometime…” 

“Don’t you have better things to do? Like make people’s lives miserable?” He had given up on reading the contract, hoping it didn’t screw him too much. Dean then took one of the pens on the counter to sign it. 

“Now I have.” Crowley picked up the piece of paper and smiled like a ten year old underneath a Christmas tree - even if the younger doubted he had ever been a child to begin with. “I’ll try to set one up for tonight. Remember my rules?”

Of course he remembered the freaking rules: no drinking, no dating and no getting into fights that might damage the ‘product’. God, he was now (again) a little bitch that would come every time Crowley called him and he wasn’t sure if that was any better than going to the streets. Nevertheless, he needed the fucking money, so he sighed and stared at the shorter man, trying to show his anger through his green eyes.

“My number is the same. Call me if you get a client.”

“I will, honey. Missed our good times working together. I’m glad that you’re back.”

As Dean walked out the motel moments later, the only thing he could set his mind on was how furious Ellen would be when he told her what he had just done.

 

 

Well, he had underestimated Ellen’s maternal feelings. 

“Are you stupid, kid?! We both know why you stopped working with him! And now you wanna go back into the devil’s nest?!”

She shouted at him, walking from side to side of the bar. He was glad that Jo had left to play baseball with some friends, or she would definitely ask about this. He just stood there, waiting for her to scold him some more. He knew it wasn’t worth trying to calm her down - she had her reasons to be like this and he knew that if the situation was different he would have agreed with her. “Sam needs to go to college, Ellen… Or are you going to tell him to give up on all his dreams?” Dean did his best not to sound too angry, she was not to blame about anything. Ellen finally sat in front of him - she was tired, he could see that in the look on her eyes…

“Yeah, I guess you're right…” He had disappointed her. Obviously, wasn’t that all he ever did? Disappoint everyone that believed he got a chance to be different? Dammit, why couldn’t he stay quiet and let her have some peace? He sighed, letting his head fall back. Dean was tired, frustrated and miserable. 

“I’ll have to go back… Adam and Sam are probably waiting for me to have lunch.” He got up, and she tried to touch him, to comfort or do whatever mothers try to do when they believe their kids are hurt. But Dean wasn’t supposed to have a mother, so he just stepped back and walked away, looking down. 

It was a long drive back to his home, Black Sabbath playing in the back. He needed some peace, even if he knew from now on things were only going to be shittier. He parked just outside the church, thinking about checking on Castiel. He hoped all had gone alright. 

There weren’t many people around right now. Only four or five most fanatics devotes waiting to talk to the priest. Castiel was standing there, talking to a guy Dean believed was named Marv… An editor that lived in the hotel. A decent guy for what he knew - but on the other hand, he didn't know much. He walked closer to the two, smiling. 

“Good morning, folks.”

The priest looked at him and smiled. “It’s nice to see you, Dean. This is Marv, he's got some interesting ideas about religion.” Something in the way he said it made Dean believe Cas didn't quite agree with those ideas, whichever they were.

“Let’s not push him into this talk. He doesn’t look like a believer.” Marv chimed in and touched Castiel’s shoulder. “I have to go now, but I’ll come by again so we can continue our discussion.” Somehow the way he talked to the priest sounded off to Dean, but maybe he was just getting paranoid. The other fellows came to talk to Castiel, and the Winchester stayed around - he knew Benny would not be around today and he had things to do anyway, so he checked the church in and out for anything he might need to be fixed. 

Eventually, that small quest took him to the little room where Castiel lived. He hadn’t done any major change from what it had been before. The furniture still consisted only of a single bed, a wardrobe and a desk. There was still a crucifix on the wall and a bible on the bed. The only thing that caught Dean’s attention was photography on said desk. He picked it up, letting his curiosity have the best of him. 

It was obviously a family picture. There was a woman in it, dark-haired and wearing a white dress. Something in her smile was obviously fake, but she was not ugly and didn’t look like a bad person. Beside her stood a blonde young man, wearing a V-neck shirt - God, who wore those things? - and smiling like he was trying to fuck the person who took the picture. A short brown-haired teenager boy was in front of him - for the looks of it, the problem son of the family, wearing a pink t-shirt with a rainbow stamp. He looked kind of familiar, but he didn't know where from. Then, two young boys were next to him, in front of the woman. 

One of them was wearing decent clothing and smiling an almost genuine smile. The other was a kid Dean knew right away to be Cas - the same confused and sad look in his eyes and his hair a complete mess even then. The woman’s hands were in both of the younger kids shoulders. And for a split of a second Dean thought that maybe his family was not one of the worst in the market. 

“Those are the Novaks.” He almost jumped to the sound of Castiel’s voice, like a kid caught doing something wrong. He looked at the priest, not sure of what he should do. The other man smiled and walked until he stood next to him. “That’s my mother, Eve Novak. My cousin Balthazar is the blonde one, his father sent him to stay with us, hoping my mother could set him on tracks. No need to say she failed miserably. The one with the pink shirt is my brother Gabriel, he left the house three weeks after this photo was taken – mom couldn’t accept his choices. And the twins are me and Jimmy, the good kids…. He is in Pontiac, Illinois, married and has a daughter, and I’m a priest.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“I met your family yesterday, now you’re meeting mine.”

Dean almost blushed to that sentence, he doubted Castiel knew how almost romantic that had sounded. The taller man just smirked and put the photo back in place, as the priest almost seemed proud of himself and all that he managed to accomplish. “So, how was your first day?”

“It went a lot smoother than I had predicted it would, actually. People were happy to see me, all very welcoming and they complimented my sermon.” Both man walked out of the room together, still talking. Dean had never had any interest in religion stuff, but to see how proud the other man was of his work made him want to know more. They sat on a bench outside of the church, side by side. He ran his fingers through his hair, as if ansious - which clearly wasn't the case. “And where were you?” He wasn’t demanding answers – not like he could, anyway – but the question still bothered Dean. 

“I went back to my job as a repairman at the local motel.”

“So… will you stop working here?”

“No? Dude, come on, Benny couldn’t handle everything by himself.”

For a few seconds, when he looked at the priest’s face, he could swear there was some happiness there. “Relax, Cas. You won’t get rid of me that soon.” He leaned back on the bench, looking up at the sky. He needed a relationship that didn’t have anything to do with his job, and being friends with Cas – he wouldn't call him Castiel because it was weird, and Father Novak made him sound like a dork – seemed like a good idea. “Wanna have lunch back at my trailer?” 

“Sorry… I already promised Joshua I would lunch with him. But I could visit you for dinner, if that's agreeable.” Dean smiled and petted the other man’s shoulder. 

“Can't do, man. I’ll probably be working in the Roadhouse, someone has to provide for the family.” He made it sound like a joke, but it really wasn’t one. He'd have to work tonight, even if Crowley didn’t call him. Castiel looked at him with those blue eyes filled with badly concealed pity and it annoyed him more than it should. Dean didn’t need pity, pity didn’t help and pity didn’t pay for the bills or Stanford. 

 

 

He broke a cold sweat and his heart skipped a beat when his cellphone rang, around six in the afternoon. Dean had been watching films with his brothers the whole afternoon and they were currently having the famous argument of which action actor was the best: Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee. Dean had even forgotten he was waiting for a call. He got up immediately, jumping over his brothers (who were lying on the bedroom’s floor between blankets and cushions) and only answered the call halfway outside. 

“I almost believed you would ignore me, Squirrel.” The nasty voice of the salesman made him nauseous. 

“What do you have for me, Crowley?” He asked, trying not to sound too angry or disgusted. Even if he had asked for the other man to do it, Dean just wasn’t comfortable with the idea of the other man selling him to all sorts of people. 

“Well… I went through your old client list. Most of them were happy that you’re back and have already scheduled to pay you some visits during the week. But one wanted to have you first - you know how the guy is a first time freak. Not that it is anywhere near the first. Anyway, tonight at eight, room 12. You know the drill: if the cops get you, I have no knowledge that this was happening. And if your client gets too rough…”

“I beat the guy way and call you.”

“That’s my good little whore. See you later.”

And he hung up, much to the Winchester's relief. He could feel anger flushing his face - it didn’t matter that Crowley was saying the truth, he still hated to be called a whore. The only thing he could imagine was how his mom would have felt if she knew, or how John would react if he found out. After taking one hell of a deep breath, Dean managed to get back into the trailer. He stormed through the room, pissed as he could be. Adam asked, disappointment clear. “Do you really have to work, Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“But it’s Sunday.” Of course it was Sunday, but for Dean Winchester Sunday was like any other dammed day, in which he had to spread his legs for a random asshole to be able to give his brothers a better life. It wasn't be the fucking first time he’d done it and it wouldn’t be the last. He chose some clothes – nothing too tight, he didn’t need that anymore - and went towards the bathroom for a much needed warm shower. “Yeah… Sorry, kiddo.”

Sam had that bitch face of his own, not even trying to hide how displeased he was, but Dean just ignored it and closed the door. After scrubbing his skin reddish and washing his hair with Sammy’s shampoo – he knew they liked when he smelled clean. He got out and put almost regular clothes on. At least tonight he wasn’t going to freeze. He then left the bathroom, checking the time on his cellphone. “Remember, be in bed by ten and call me if anything happens. The emergency phones…”  
“Are on the fridge, we know Dean.” Sam said from the bedroom, where for the sound of it they had changed the tv to one of those documentaries about aliens and whatever. Dean wondered how they could like that stuff, aliens didn’t even exist. He sighed and took the car keys. “Bye, Bitch. Bye, Dumbass.”

“Bye, Jerk.” Both answered and he drew focus from that. This was his motivation to keep going. 

He entered the Impala and turned on the radio as soon as he could, putting some Aerosmith tape on before driving away. When by the church, he could see Castiel walking in, wearing his battered trench coat over his priest clothing, and seeming lost and sad. Though, Dean was starting to believe that was how he always looked. 

 

 

Dean closed his eyes, trying to make himself relax – or at least trying to control his fight or flight impulses. His fists were closed around each other as his arms were being held above his head by one of the guy’s hands. He was naked (but what was the surprise in that?), laid on his back, the guy biting and sucking all over his neck. He tried his best to contain his moans - he didn’t want to feel any pleasure from this. His legs were open (no surprise in that either) and the other man was between them. At least he was taking his time to get inside - Dean needed to keep him in the room for as long as possible (the more he stayed, the more money the young man would get). He tried to look nervous and scared, this one like this, liked to have the idea he was fucking a virgin. 

Even if Dean was far from being anything pure and virgin, every part of him was shattered and broken. He could still fake it anyway, he had to fake it.  
The guy had relatively long nails that were piercing his hips while he kept Dean in place. It hurt and there would be bruises, maybe even a cut. The man went down with his kissing and biting, marking his chest and he had to once again control his will to push the guy away. When finally his wrists were released, the young man held onto the headboard, averting his eyes to the ceiling as his client said things that would made anyone in the business cry. Luckily, Dean had heard all that from his dad when John had found out his older son was bisexual. It was almost easy to focus on other things, until the hand that had been on his hips grabbed his half-hard dick and began stroking him. He tried to contain the moan and the gasp, he didn’t want it to feel even slightly good. But it did. He could feel the smirk against the skin on his chest, and his client bit his nipple, making the young man’s head jerk back. He felt humiliated, it would be better if it only hurt. Any once of pleasure only made Dean more miserable.

“You actually enjoy this, don’t you?” It was a question that he'd rather pretend he hadn’t heard, but the man bit him again, this time hard enough to leave a mark. Everything Dean could think about in that moment was how much he hated his job. “Answer me.” 

The man’s voice was rough and it almost made him shiver. The touch continued and Dean made himself answer, his voice still feeling shaky and showing his disgust. “No way in hell...” And he let out a louder whine – a mix of pain and pleasure – holding the headboard now white knuckled, trying to block the other's laugh from his mind. 

It would be easier if he could fake liking this, everything was ten times easier when he played the role of the good whore that enjoyed everything. As a deliberate escape, he went to a very special place of his mind, thinking about love. It was weird; Dean had never really loved anyone his whole life, anyone but Sammy, Adam, Mom, Ellen and Jo… And he loved Dad, even if he was always doing crap. He kept reminding himself of few good memories that remained, counting the thrusts when the guy was already inside of him. It took too many of them until it he was done, cumming all over the Winchester’s face. 

And this was just the first of the night. 

The next one was a guy that liked when Dean acted like a willing partner, as if they were dating. He didn’t like noise very much – which the younger man was grateful for. His touches weren’t too hard, only enough to keep him in place. He was almost kind to the younger man, making him remember another client that had once been kind to him. And that then led his thoughts to Castiel. He felt bad for the priest, the guy deserved better than to live the rest of his days alone in that church. Anyone deserved more than that. 

The last client of the night was a woman – they were rare compared to men, but there were some willing to pay. This one though wasn’t interested in sex, she just wanted to talk to someone. She wanted to feel that she was worth something. And that’s what Dean did - he smiled, joked and flirted. He also listened to her when she spoke, he hugged her when she cried and even kissed her once. She was desperate for some emotional contact, and how ironic it was that the young man could actually understand how she felt. There were days that even he wanted to fell like someone loved him. He tried his best to make the woman happier, but when she left Dean knew she wouldn’t last more than a month. When seeing her out, for some reason he said. “Try visiting the church. The priest will listen to you, and he might even be more helpful than I. Besides, you won’t have to pay for it.” He wasn’t quite sure why he was doing this, but whatever. 

She smiled with that small gesture of kindness and for a few seconds he believed he had done something good.

After she left, he went to the bathroom to wash his face one last time and left himself, checking his cellphone for the time (three in the morning). This had been a busy night. He forced himself to smile, acting as the smug teenager full of himself for getting laid. Crowley was waiting for him, his salesman smirk there as always. “You’re good for business, Dean-o. I had forgotten that.” He said, petting one of his giant dogs. 

“You’re depositing the money this morning, right?”

“Of course, do I ever back up in my deals?”

Yes, he did. That son of a bitch loved to trick people into technicalities, but Dean was too tired to discuss that right now. He just took one hundred dollars – which he could pass as tips - and left, not looking back. “Call when you get me a job."

Now, he just wanted his bed and not have to wake up anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Not sure if you guys remember (Jana didn't at the beginning so I think its okay to believe some of you don't) but Marv is the name Metatron asks for Cas to call him, so whenever you read Marv its Metatron (Because no fucking human being would be named that)
> 
> Thank you a lot for the kudos and the comment.  
> Feel free to make comments, point out sugestions and tell me what you think.  
> Don't forget to leave kudos if you like it.  
> Kissus  
> See you when I finish 7!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, some trouble, some cops and Dean and Cas becoming closer.

The trip back home was exhausting; he barely managed to stay awake until he got to the church. Something was odd, he could tell it because the lights were on. Lights on meant the priest must be awake… And what would be Castiel doing up this late? Dean parked the car just outside the church and got out, looking for the other man. It took him a while, before he found him sitting in a bench in the back of the church, facing the sky and the cemetery.

Dean sat down next to him, smiling as cocky as he could. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“What?” Castiel sounded confused and if Dean wasn’t wrong he could hear some sadness there too.

“The night, the sky, the stars… Everything.” He quite like the sky here, you could actually see things besides the moon. When Dean was little, they used to travel in the Impala, and some nights, John would sit in the hood of the car with the three boys, and they would look to the sky. It was so full… peaceful. Castiel seemed to think about what he had said for a while, looking up during the whole time.

“…Yes. But it’s affected by the city lights.”

“Perhaps it wouldn’t be so affected if you turned off the church lights.” The Winchester said resting his ankle in his knee and letting his eyes close for a moment. He heard the other man get up and walk, he could hear the sound of the lights been turned off and Castiel returned.

“I guess you were correct.” The priest sounded both surprised and pleased. Dean couldn’t contain a soft chuckle, he found the other guy weirdly funny. They stayed in silence for long minutes; Dean opened his green eyes and looked to the sky. Than to the other man, he looked terrible too… At some point, the older man realized he was being stared, and looked to Dean, who looked to the cemetery right away.

“So… You just got back from work?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t want to talk about work. He wanted to relax, to let his mind flow. He was so tired that his only movement was to pet Castiel’s shoulder. “And you, do you always sleep so little?” He changed the subject, trying to make the priest the center of the conversation; he wanted to know more about the older man.

“Often. I have trouble sleeping.” He didn’t sound too comfortable talking about this, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Nightmares?”

He sighed, probably not wanting to share much more, and Dean wouldn’t make him. “You could say that. Bad dreams mostly. So I get out in the open… And pray.” Of course he did, he was a freaking priest! The sort of perfect motherfucker who had never got one impure thought in his whole life. “Sorry to interrupt you, dude.”

“Relax, Dean. I enjoy your company. And God receives a lot of prayers these days. Don’t think mine will make much of a difference.” His voice was cracked, and of course an awkward and guilty silence followed. He could see that had been a poor choice of subject. “I’m sorry, Castiel.”

“I already told you there was no reason to be sorry. I just like this.”

Dean looked at him, mildly confused. “This?”

“Talking to someone, Dean. Someone who doesn’t expect me to have all the answers. I know I’m supposed to find all I need in faith…But it doesn’t work like that. If you don’t feel comfortable talking or listening, maybe we can just stay here and watch the sky.” Well, that was a weird request. The Winchester regarded the other man for a couple of seconds more, their eyes meeting. It was almost ironic that both were so broken, a priest and a whore trying to get in peace with themselves. He wanted to laugh at how stupid that sounded. There was no way he could help the other man, he could barely keep himself together. But he didn’t say that, he just gave him a half smile. “If you don’t mind my crazy work hours. We could make this a habit.”

Castiel moved his lips in something like a smile and Dean got up at last. “I’ll bring some beers, and you can tell me about whatever you want.”

Dean wasn’t sure if this was making friends, but if he had to guess, Castiel considered him a friend. He then stole some beers from Joshua’s fridge, leaving a note saying he would pay in the morning.

“I’m not supposed to drink any alcoholic drink, only wine.”

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed the bottle into the other man’s hand. “Just drink it okay? If you feel guilty, just confess to yourself.” The young man opened his own bottle and drank it slowly. He would rather have whiskey, but if he drunk a lot it would be too obvious, and he didn’t want to drag anyone into his problems. They drank in silence, which was weird and comforting.

“You must be proud of Sam.”

He took another sip of the beer, avoiding looking at the other man. “Yes. But, well, California is pretty far.” He tried to sound okay with that, but Castiel's hand eventually found its way to his shoulder. “You’ll miss him, but that’s all right.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just… He’s my baby brother. And now it is Sammy, then in a few years it will be Adam.”

“You raised them, you must be feeling like a parent?”

“How do you know that I raised than?” He got tense for a couple of seconds – more of a reflex than anything else.

“Well, Joshua mentioned it.”

Off course he had. Dean was being paranoid… Again. What he thought had happened? That Castiel had investigated his life and was planning to use the info against him? The guy probably wouldn’t do that to save his life, he looked too freaking harmless for this kind of shit. “Hum… What else did he told ya?”

“Not much. Only that you three live in a trailer and that I could thrust you.”

“And do you believe you can do that?” Dean wasn’t that sure why he was asking those questions to the man, but Castiel only gave him a half smile, taking a sip of the beer.

“Maybe.”

For the next two months or so things kind of set into place (a routine if you decided to call it that).

Dean wakes up sometime after lunch and eats something in the trailer – usually bread and a glass of whiskey – before going to work with Benny and Joshua during the afternoon. When Sammy and Adam arrive, they go do their homework and Dean cooks for them. Sometimes Benny would come over, other times Castiel would join them for dinner. Crowley would always call around six (at least three days a week) and say what was waiting for him in the motel. On the days he didn’t work there , he would go to the street (except on his self imponsed resting one). On these days the brothers would normally, anytime during the day, go to the movies watch some shitty action flick or catch up with their soap operas - even if Sammy and Adam would never admit it, they loved those.

When he got to the motel, he would deal with whatever was there as professionally as possible. He needed the money – having now even begun some savings to pay for Adam’s college as well – so he wouldn't complain.

When Dean arrived around three in the morning, Castiel was always waiting. They would sometimes sit on the hood of the Impala and talk about anything that crossed their minds while star gazing. It was weirdly warming, and little by little he began feeling more and more comfortable around him. They usually avoided tense subjects - which for Dean were the job and Mary (who none of the Winchesters actually talked about, a silent agreement that worked just fine) and for Castiel, religion or his brothers. Dean wasn’t sure why, but part of him knew it would be useless to ask about it. Nevertheless, even with those no-no subjects and a implied ban of chick flick moments, there was still a lot they shared.

Cas had decided to become a priest because of a promise his mother had made - that if she manage to raise all her kids after her husband left, one of her boys would be a priest. That sounded ridiculous and it bothered Dean that the other man had just obeyed. The Winchester knew that there was more to it, probably something about the priest’s brothers, but it was none of his business. Cas (at some point Dean had begun calling the other man like that for whatever reason, at least in his mind) would listen when Dean talked about his time in high-school, about the few times the cops had busted him for doing something stupid. He told him about a time when he had taken both Sam and Adam to set fireworks in a 4th of July back in 1993, trying to keep his mind focused only in the good stuff (he didn’t tell Cas that the money for the fireworks had come from the first time he let a man fuck him in the bathroom of the truck stop, for instance).

Dean should have known bad news would show up - his life was almost good, and since when had his life been anything near good?

So, when Crowley suggested that he should try taking on a rough client, it was no real surprise (he knew they would end up in that dead end again). Dean had been in a good mood - Sam had just showed him a series of straight As, just a reminder that he got what it took to be a great man, a great lawyer - until it was floored by the proposition.. The client Crowley wanted him to take wasn’t Alistair at least, and had had backgrounds checked five times over by the salesman. He didn’t seem to like too intense scenes, just some light bondage and a bit of spanking. Nothing too complicated. Of course the idea of doing things like that again didn’t please Dean, but he said yes anyway.

Bad decision.

The guy got drunk and tried to have more than what he had paid for. It wasn’t hard for the Winchester to beat the man down – he had the training from his younger years, after all. But he didn’t manage to leave without some bruises and the cops coming by in the end.

Now, he was in the police station. The guy hadn't pressed charges and the cops would pretend they believed that Dean had willingly went to bed with that jerk, but they loved to arrest people for drunk fighting. Especially if the person was Dean Winchester and the arresting cop was Meg Masters. The bitch (and not even a hot one by Dean's standarts) was always ready to make his life hell. She was Alistair’s younger sister – not half as bad as her brother, but still nasty - and if Dean could stay the fuck away from her he would. “Come on, pretty boy, why do you look so upset?” She teased from her spot.

He just rolled his eyes, trying to ignore her. They wouldn’t really arrest him, but they wanted his statement anyway. He was going to be late to his meeting with Cas, all because some son of a bitch couldn’t control himself.

“'m talking to you, Dean boy.”

“Contrary to what you think, I actually have something to do.”

“Oh, a date? Wasn’t your night a bit too busy already?”

He just set his jaw and averted his eyes - it was useless to engage in an argument. She would only continue to make his life hard and if he fell for her teasing she would have more ammo. Ash coming from the cafeteria with some donuts and coffee for Dean distracted the man from the frustrating thoughs, though.

“Eat something, will ya?”

“Thanks, Ash.” He almost complained about having asked for pie, not donuts, but it was just Ash trying really hard to fit in the stereotype cop. It was, after all, somewhat funny watching him do everything a movie cop would (although, on his words, he was 'much more badass than them'). Amused, Dean ate while waiting for Jody to come and interrogate him. He wondered if Cas would give up on waiting and just go to bed (assuming he hadn't done that already). He wondered if Sam and Adam would look for him was he not home in the morning. Dean truly didn’t want to face the disappointment on their faces. He should have taken more care, just knocked the guy out and left Crowley cleaning up the mess, but when he was there all memories just came back and he saw himself back in Alistair’s room, tied and helpless. Only the thought of this knocked down his hunger and he left the donuts on the table.

“Is Jody going to take too long, Ash? Sammy and Adam are alone back at home.”

“She should be back after the round at the Roadhouse - drunk people love to fight. Same old history.” The cop was on his computer playing some random shit distractedly, not even looking at him as he spoke. “Anyway, dude, you shouldn’t leave them alone to begin with.”

He felt the bitter taste of frustration in his mouth. He wanted to say that they needed the money, but that would only force Dean to clarify what was it he really doing (even if Meg likely knew it, Ash probably didn't). The Winchester crossed his arms, only made more nervous by the silence that followed.

There wasn’t much to do when you were a cop in Lawrence, Kansas - apart from reading magazines and play cards or whatever. It was ironic that once, when still a kid, he had dreamed about being a cop, fighting bad guys and saving people. The silence extended for almost ten minutes before he gave up.

“Can I use the phone? Might need someone to make me company since we only got our dear little bitch and Mister Badass here.” He teased, as always - and if that could got him in trouble eventually, too bad. Meg rolled her eyes, and threw him her cellphone. “Just don’t spend all my money.” He took it easily, wondering now if he should call Benny. The guy was not the biggest fan of police stations – having visited his fair share of those when his ex-wife took Elizabeth from him. Dean finally decided who he should call, even if he wasn’t sure the guy even knew there was a phone in his room. Worth the shot anyway.

The phone rang a few times, and he was almost giving up when it was finally answered. “Hello?” He could almost see the confusion in Castiel’s face.

“Hi, Cas. It's Dean.”

“Hello, Dean” There were no questions, no pressure. This was good.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, avoiding the curious looks from both cops. “Sorry I’m late."

“Yes, if you’re busy I fully understand.”

“I’m not busy exactly. I’m at the police station. Got into a fight.”

“Are you alright? Do you need my help?”

“I wasn’t arrested, buddy. Just, you know, thought we could talk to help me endure my time here.” Dean could hear the other man moving, and just closed his eyes for a moment, resting his head against the wall. Then there was silence and Dean might have dozed, because the next thing he heard was the sound of a car engine being turned on. “Dean, I’m going there to stay with you.”

“No need to, Cas. Just get some sleep would ya? I see you tomorrow.”

“No, Dean. I’m going there. You sound beaten and tired, just let me help you.”

“Cas, you don’t need to come, its nothing…” He didn’t want to bother anyone. The guy didn’t have anything to do with this subject, after all. He didn’t want to drag Cas into the mess that was his life.

“I’m going, Dean. See you in a few minutes.” And hang up.

Dean stared at the phone for a few moments, feeling tired and a bit guilty. However, that was the kind of thing Castiel was supposed to do, right? He was a good man, a priest, and Dean was a whore. They were such an ironic duo.

“Your boyfriend?”

“Just shut up, Meg. I’m tired right now.” He was really annoyed, his eyes fixed on the door. As he could not stop that stubborn son of a bitch, it was all he could do.

“I was just wondering what would be your excuse this time.”

He turned his eyes to her, worried. Dean knew Meg too well not to see the evil through her words and her smirk made him want to punch her face. How could this woman be so mean? She knew the truth and had closed her eyes more than once when Dean was with Alistair, when things got a bit too harsh - she just kicked Dean out and said that, if he tried to press charges, she would guarantee the whole town would know what he really did. His jaw clenched once more. “Shut up.”

“No need to be so rude.” She then went back to read the magazine, resting her feet on the table.

“Yes, I do, since you refuse to understand that I don’t want to talk to ya.”

“So just don’t.”

He was pissed, again, running his fingers through his hair, angry as hell. In that moment, the sheriff came in, three drunks by her side saying stupid things. Officer Hester was with her, seeming upset and bored (as usual), with two more wasted idiots herself. For a moment his sleep deprived brain took its time to marvel the improbability of a small town having so many badass female officers, but oh well.

When Jody saw him, she rolled her eyes. “What was it this time, Dean?” She’d been arresting him since he was sixteen, they were in first name basis since he turned eighteen.

He tried to answer her, but Meg was faster. “He got into a fight with the guy he had taken to bed and the guests in the room next-door called complaining.”

“Again, Dean?” Jody sounded utterly tired. She put the sloshed morons into cells before coming back to sit in front of him. “When will you stop doing this?” She would not arrest arrest him, even though most of police station and herself had likely already guessed what he was really working on (nobody worked for Crowley unless they were killers or whores).

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” He didn’t want to have this conversation right now, not in front of everyone, not ever actually.

“Don’t try lying me, Dean.”

“I’d never.”

“I don’t reckon he is lying, sheriff.” A husky voice startled both of them¸ and he looked around just to fing the priest standing some feet from him, wearing his worn-out trench coat and looking dead serious. “Whatever you think he did, I’m certain he had a fair motive for it.”

“And you are?” Jody got up, frowning.

“Father Castiel Novak. I’m here to take Dean home.” Cas walked closer to him, just as the younger man got the hint to get up. Standing side by side with the shorter man proved to make him feel much more confident.

“You can’t, he needs to give a statement.” She assumed her professional stance and stared back at the priest. However, if nothing else, Dean had learned that it was nearly impossible to win a staring contest against Cas.

“He’ll stop by tomorrow when he is recovered.” And then he just dragged the Winchester through the main door, taking him directly to Joshua’s truck, which was parked just outside of the station. Dean smiled in mirth. That had been kickassing, no one had ever faced the sheriff for him – no one but Sammy, but he had been twelve when he tried and she got him grounded. He entered the car still grinning.

“That was awesome, Cas."

His smile vanished by the time his eyes met the blue of his friend’s, though. His grave stare was scary, but not as much as Cas’ voice or words.

“We are going to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me a while dudes (Actually I shouldn't even be posting considering I have not finished 7 yet, but it was long since my last uptade I thought you guys deserved it.( Actually I'm just happy because in 7 they finally kiss))  
> Hope you enjoyed the reading.  
> THANKS A LOT FOR THE KUDOS  
> Please, feel free to comment, leave kudos, point out mistakes or anything you'd like.  
> See ya soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean ended up biting his lower lip, feeling more annoyed than he should have. He was feeling trapped, and this wasn't good. 

“I don’t wanna talk, Cas.” 

He looked through the window; this had nothing to do with his friend. He didn’t want the priest to get himself into the shit that was the Winchesters' life, every time someone got too damn personal to Dean and his family bad things happened. The silence that followed was uncomfortable; Dean continued to look through the window and luckly the older man didn't say anything. His babe was back at Crowley’s motel but he wouldn’t ask Cas to drive him there. He didn’t want the priest anywhere around the salesman. He didn’t trust anyone around Crowley, but Cas - He could see the guy falling for Crowley’s sweet talk. And it gave him the creeps to imagine his… boss tricking his friend. When they parked outside the church, Castiel stayed seated, not looking at Dean but obviously waiting for him to say something. 

“Cas… Really dude, I don’t wanna talk about it.” He almost felt bad about it, but then, it was none of the older man’s matter what ever happened with him. It was his life, no matter how shitty it was. 

“Dean, I’m aware that you don’t feel comfortable with deeper conversations. Not only with me, but also with Benny – whom I believe to be a closer friend of yours – not to mention your brothers. But I don’t believe keeping things to yourself will solve any problems you might have.” That little speech sounded like those half-assed things from motivational books. Probably the same talk he gave to young teenagers that seek advice from him. That got Dean more pissed then he should, he didn’t need any dude’s freaking pity! No one had ever been there when he needed and now, all he wanted was for people to act like they fucking understood him. Guess what? They fucking didn't. Cas didn't know anything.

“You know what?! Bite me, Cas! I don’t need your fucking pity!”

And he walked out of the car, closing the door with almost all his strength. In the walk back to his home, he could hear Castiel calling him, but the young man didn’t even consider turning. When he entered the trailer he went straight to the liquor cabinet, drinking half a bottle of scotch as fast as he could. Kicking the wall and swearing between his teeth, he should have seen this coming. 

Everyone always felt sorry for little Dean Winchester. His mother had died, his father was never around, he had to raise his two baby brothers all by himself, they lived in a land borrowed. He hated this so much. Pity didn’t help shit! He was so angry, why the heck did he believe Cas would be any different? He sat back into the couch near the table, and closed his eyes. Tomorrow he would have to find a way to go back to the motel; Dean hated to think his babe was there alone in the cold. 

“Dean… Are you alright?” Sam’s voice broke the cold silence of the trailer. Dean looked at him, and did the best he could to look fine. 

“Yeah, Sammy, just some shitty day at work… You know how people get stupid when they are drunk.” He forced himself to smile; Sam sat beside him looking worried and angry. 

“Did they do anything to you?” He knew what Sammy was thinking, he didn’t know what Dean did, but that did not mean that he hadn’t heard the mischievous comments some man did about him. That didn’t mean he hadn’t seen what Alistair had done and that he didn’t try to help with the aftermath. Even if he couldn’t do nothing about it. His brother was there when he needed.

“No Sammy. Just the usual.” He sighed; he had drunk it all too fast might has well began to feel drunk. His brother was still frowning with that serious look he got when he knew Dean was lying. But he also knew it was useless trying to make the older man spill what was the problem. Sam only stayed there, at some point. Dean looked at him and he almost didn’t recognize who was next to him. 

Yes, there was still innocence in that face and that hair that needed to be cut. But he didn’t look that much like a child now… He actually looked like a man. There were black bags under his eyes, and some beard was starting to grow or just recently shaved he couldn't tell. It broke Dean’s heart that his baby brother, the same one he had removed from the fire in their house back when they were really young, didn’t need him anymore. Sam had grown up and Dean hadn't noticed it he was there at every single one of the big moments on his brother's life but now he was leaving. Leaving for something better… God! When had he become so emotional? Maybe it had been the cold realization that he hadn't lived anything so Sam and Adam could.

“Go to bed Sammy, you have classes tomorrow.”

“Dean, I’m already in college and I won’t fail this year… If I only skip one freaking day it won’t make any fucking difference.”

Of course it would, Dean had said something like that to Ellen back when John left, saying it was only for a while until things set into place. Needless to say things never fell into place again. He knew Sam was better than him, but he didn’t want his brother to stop taking things as serious as he always did. “Just go to bed, Sammy… I’ll get going too” 

“Promise?”

“Yeah, now move bitch.” He pushed the shoulder of his brother, smiling his best fake smile. Sam smiled back, but he didn’t even try to pretend he was okay. Even with that, he got up and went back to the room. Dean sighed and went to the bathroom; he needed a bath to relax. The water was warm this time; he didn’t feel the need to scrub his skin off. Dean probably wasn’t ready to deal with whatever waited for him in his nightmares. He dressed in one old black Sabbath t-shit and some sweatpants. Before sitting on their couch, using Sam’s notebook – a gift from Ellen and Bobby when he turned sixteen (because they didn’t need a new car) – to see some hentai and stuff like that. He needed to relax and to keep his thoughts away from Castiel. Of how broken he must have looked, that if Dean had learned something through these nights drinking beer and sharing stories with him was that Castiel took feelings seriously. 

God, Dean was a shitty motherfucker… Yes, he had all the right in the world to be angry that the other guy had feel pity of him. But come on! He was feeling guilty, or else he wouldn’t be thinking of Cas all the fucking time. There was no more whiskey in the house, so he went for the beers and he would never be sure how many he had before passing out with his face against the table. 

 

 

No need to say his night was filled with nightmares. 

He could see Alistair, he could feel the restrains… Hear the words. It was the closest thing to hell he had ever lived.

 

 

He woke up with someone shaking him by his shoulders and his first reflex was to go for the gun under his pillow. 

“Calm down, Dean.” He recognized the voice before he could get a grip of the pistol.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house, Benny?!” He shouted, feeling his head hurt like a bitch before opening his eyes. The brightness only made his head hurt more. He shifted in the mattress laying on his side now. “Close the fucking blinds, dude."

He heard the other man sighing and getting up, after a few seconds the room got darker.

“Answering your question, mate. It’s two in the afternoon, Joshua and our pretty priest thought something had happened to you, so they asked me to drop by and check on you.” 

Dean sat on bed looking at his friend. Benny was resting his back against the closet with a questioning look on his face and arms crossed over his chest. 

“How the fuck did you got inside?” He asked getting up and moving to the bathroom, he needed some headache pills before deciding wheater or not it was worth to get out of the trailer.

“Well, I’ve dragged you home enough times to know where you guys keep the spare keys.” Of course he did. Dean needed to change the place where he hid those. He took the pills and looked to himself in the mirror. God, he didn’t look twenty-one, this life made him look older: Black bags under his eyes and his bear was starting to show up. He would definitely have to shave it when his head didn’t hurt so much. Then, it kind of hit him that he hadn’t fall asleep in bed – at least not that he could remember – which meant that Sam and Adam had probably carried him there before going to school. Or that he had dragged himself there, drunk. He bit his lower lip, angry at himself. John did this stuff to them back in the day, Dean couldn’t give himself the luxury to do the same thing. 

“Earth to Dean. Is someone there?” Benny’s voice drove him back to reality. 

“Yeah Benny, just you know. Hangover.” He said washing his face. 

“Sure, Dean. That’s how we’re calling it today.” The irony in his voice made Dean turn to where his friend was standing a bit angry. 

“What Benny?”

The older man raised his hand in a defensive movement, before “I’m just saying that stories travel fast here in Lawrence, and when I went to the dinner this morning… Ash was there having breakfast with Jo, and he told to her – loud enough to anyone there to hear – that the priest had gone to save your sorry ass from Sheriff Mills. And for the look he had this morning when he left to visit the community center with Joshua, I got the feeling something happened.”

He was trapped, Benny knew - He fucking knew what had happened and he knew how Dean reacted when he got trapped. He tried to avoid it, either by escaping or just being rude until the person gave up. Things like that would work with almost anyone, but not with the guy in the trailer with him. 

“Fuck you, Benny! You know what the fuck happened! Some stupid son of a bitch thought he could do what he pleased because - I’m a whore right? I got no saying what people will do as long as the pay me. And I kicked his ass, because at least that much I can do. But, as always I ended up in jail because Meg Fucking Masters can't resist fucking up my night. Cas took me out of there, but he asked questions. And how in the hell am I supposed to tell a priest that I’m a fucking whore?!” He shouted that to his friend's blank face, not even sure why he was so angry. He was just tired of this shit, his head hurt and all he could do was take it like a man so that things would be alright. 

“Just like that Dean… You were the one who said that Castiel was more a friend to you than a priest. So just talk to him like you talk to me.”

“You’re different.”

“Why?”

“You know damn well why. You met me as a slut. You were first my client then my friend. So don’t come playing the good guy.”

There was a flash of guilt through his friend’s face and he regretted the words he said the minute he saw it. Yes, they had met under the most unfortunate circumstances to begin a friendship. But besides a few blowjobs, he and Benny hadn’t really had sex. When Benny was finally able to take him home and see him under the light. Well, he saw how young Dean was back then, not even 19. And he actually paid for Dean to watch some baseball games with him. Instead of never calling the teenager again, he started going every night to the spot where Dean worked and paid for them to watch games or play videogames together. Until Dean stopped accepting his money, because even he could see that they were friends.

“I’m not playing the good guy, Dean. We both know I’m far from good, so hear me for once. And go there talk to Castiel, the poor guy cares about you.” The older man sounded tired, probably from Dean’s stupidity. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair and forced himself to smile. 

“I guess you’re right.”

Benny gave a half-smiled and touched his shoulder. “Let’s go before good old Joshua decides that he needs other people helping him out.” 

Both man walked out of the trailer, and Dean locked the door. Today was the day that young people would show up to help out, do their prayers and stuff like that. Cas would probably be busy through the early afternoon and soon enough Sammy and Adam would arrive, they weren’t a part of the catholic youth. John would have killed someone if any of his kids did something like that. They had better things to do, find Mary’s killer and Dean had to make sure Adam would receive enough love. Because if Sammy was dad’s favorite kid –not that Dean cared about it, he just accepted it – Adam was the one he never wanted. 

 

 

Even after the conversation, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to Cas through the whole afternoon. When he finally met with the priest around six, he was nervous and uneasy. They were in the back of the church near the cemetery, Dean had helped Benny because they needed to cut the grass and keep it neat. Even if most people would rather bury their dead in the other cemetery, there were still people that came there.

“Hello, Dean” The older man said. His rough voice almost made Dean shiver; he wasn’t sure what he was going to do… So he went to the easy way out. He gave his best cocky smile to him. “Hi Cas” His voice sounded weak that he wanted to hit his head against the wall. 

They stayed in an uncomfortable silence, so he tried to start a conversation. “I’ll go with Sammy tomorrow take Dad’s suit to Ellen; she said she can do some fixing. The kid is fucking anxious about the prom; he plans to take a girl… Rachel Nave is her name I guess. I was starting to believe he wasn’t into people, and that I would have to watch my baby brother marrying a book.” He was talking about anything that came into his mind, just trying not to stay in silence. “She’s kind of hot – the girl – maybe if Sammy didn’t like her, I would give her a shot…”

“Dean.” His name being called made the younger man stop talking, he looked to his friend. Castiel looked tired and… disappointed. “I’m sorry I tried to force you into something you did not want. But I sincerely believe we cannot act like none of this happened.”

“Cas really dude I don’t-” He started to say, but the look in the blue eyes staring at him was enough. Sometimes he forgot how those blue eyes could be so determined and serious, he always remembered them only for the soft look they had when they were watching the stars or how curious they seemed when Dean flirted with him – only for the sake of the joke of course. 

“Let me speak. I know you are not used to the concept of sharing. So, I’ll tell you something about me that I don’t usually say to no one. And you don’t have to say anything… You only need to say what you feel like saying.” He wondered how he could sound that secure about everything, he wondered if Cas had ever feel broken and unworthy like Dean had.

“I don’t think this is the best place Cas… Do you wanna go to my trailer? I guess there we’ll have more privacy.”

“But, what about your brothers?”

“I’ll give them some money and send them to the movies.” He would have to take some money from last week’s reservation, but right now he could let them have some fun. The money to Sam’s college was more than enough right now, for the first time since he last worked with Crowley; they actually had some money to spare with silly things. Even if it was not much and most of it was because they didn’t have to pay the rent nor tried to buy expensive stuff. 

“Okay… I’ll just inform Joshua where I’ll be, and I meet you there in a few minutes.”

“Great.” 

They parted ways; The younger one could only think about whatever his friend wanted to talk about Dean entered the trailer to find Sam and Adam arguing.  
“It’s not fair! Why do you always choose what we’re going to watch on the TV?! I’m tired of your science shows.” Adam was shouting at Sam, angry. The kid had been like this for the past weeks, ever since he realized they were not moving with Sam to California, that they were going to stay in this pathetic little town in their shitty lives, and Sam would forget them and have a brighter future… Or at least that was what the younger of them seemed to think. 

“Dean! Tell Adam that he can choose the shows if he didn’t always watched the freaking cartoons!”

“They are good!”

The older one of the brother’s sighed, he hated to be dragged into their arguments. “Dudes, just stop arguing, I need the trailer for a while, so if you two could just argue somewhere else.”

Now both of them look angry at Dean… Great. That’s all he needed, more people angry at him. He took some money off his wallet and gave it to Sam –who had his most annoyed bitch face – and opened the door. Both of his brothers left and Adam hit the door with such strength that it hurt Dean’s ears. He sighed and put some water to boil, he really needed some coffee to deal with his brothers some time – especially if he could put some alcohol on the coffee. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door. 

“It’s open.”

Castiel entered looking a bit nervous. He walked until he stood in front of Dean. 

“I’m making some coffee, I thought we deserved it.” Dean tried to make it all look ordinary, but it wasn’t…

“Thanks.” 

There was silence while Dean poured the coffee and delivered to the priest. “Let’s sit.” He said, trying not to be obvious of how much he was trying to avoid the talk. Both sat in opposite sides of the table, drinking the coffee. Castiel took a long breath and he gave a look to Dean that made the younger man feel weird. His hands grabbed the cup harder when his friend began to speak. 

“Well, there’s no easy way to say this. So I’ll just say it, it makes things easier. I have doubts Dean.” 

“About what?” The young man asked, even if by the broken look that Cas had he already knew. 

“About my choice. I doubt if there is anyone listening to me when I pray, if all those rules and punishments are really true. I doubt Dean, about everything I was raised and told to believe. None of it seems to be enough, I can’t feel the faith other people have. I’m a fraud, I am a priest that doesn’t believe in anything.”

That caught Dean off guard; he didn’t know what to say to comfort his friend. Castiel hide his face in his hands, looking tired, like he had put off an act he always did. Dean couldn’t even imagine how lost he must feel… “Cas, you’re a good guy. Probably better than any priest there who thinks they are the motherfucking chosen ones. So what if you don’t feel like everyone else?” And he held one of Cas’ hands, a decision he wasn’t sure why he made, but it made his heart beat faster, made the priest smile softly and their gazes met. For a long while, they stood in silence, until the words flew Dean’s mouth before he could regret it.

“You’re a better person than I am.”

“No, Dean..” He made his friend fall silent with a serious look, if he was saying this; he was saying this no turning back now.

“You’re,Cas.” He let go of Cas’ hand, and turned his face to face the window, his voice went lower and he felt so ashamed and disgusted. “You know why? Because you know those sons of bitches that sometimes walk by when I’m working and shout stupid things?” That had happened more than once, sometimes the priest would order them to leave other times he and Benny would just gave their best ‘I’ll kick your ass’ looks, but sometimes it didn’t work. “Like that my lips are made for cocksucking? That I’m John’s little girl?” 

The last one had been Alistair’s favorite thing to say, he would repeat it looking deep into Dean’s eyes, and he would laugh. He knew the guy was only doing that to satisfy his sadistic ways, but it got carved into Dean’s mind. He couldn’t think himself handsome… Every time someone complimented him was because of his feminine features – his lips, his eyes… His smile- he despised that about himself. Because no matter how much he acted manly, or how much he was aggressive, every damn time he looked into the fucking mirror he could hear the damn bastard with his disgusting voice saying ‘What a pretty little bitch we got here? Your daddy would be sooo proud of his little girl.’ 

“Well, they have a reason to do it. I’m a freaking whore Cas! I let those sons of bitches do whatever it pleases them, as long as they pay.” He wasn’t sure when tears began falling down his face; the only thing he knew is that he couldn’t look at his friend right now. Everything hurt, he felt dirty and vicious…How could he think he would ever be anything else but a whore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone, I'm back.  
> This baby here - as you probably noticed - and probably a few after it will not have beta work done. Jana is under a lot of stress and she isn't dealing with all the load of work and pressure from our senior year. So I'm trying not to pressure her too much. It would help if someone could do the revision, but finding a beta is hard.  
> Sooo (I think I have an slight addiction for this word) I hope you guys liked this one, and well...  
> Any comments, suggestions or typos you wanna point out (I'll need it) Just leave a comment.
> 
> See you, guys soon!  
> Kissus


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone gets too shocked by the new couple on the tags, just give it a shot. It's good I promise.

The trailer fell silent. 

It was pathetic of him to expect anything but silence; the priest was probably disgusted by what he had told. What else could he be?

“Dean… Look at me.” Castiel’s voice broke the silence, much huskier and deep than usual. At least he acknowledged that this was serious.

He didn’t want to do it. It was stupid to react like this, but it was almost like someone had punched his guts. Dean had never told anyone what he did and this was something scary; people just kind of knew it. Joshua could read through peoples actions, Ellen wasn’t dumb and Benny - Well he didn’t have how not to know. 

“Please, look at me.” The other man’s voice sounded softer now, like he was feeling sorry or some shit like that. He ended up looking to the priest after that; it was hard especially with that piercing gaze trying to break through his defenses. 

“What you just told me. It doesn’t make you worse or less than me, as a matter of fact it makes you even braver than I assumed you to be.” 

“No need to lie, Cas.” Dean’s voice was deeper and he couldn’t keep up with the gaze, turning his face away.

“Dean. Why won’t you let me compliment you?”

“Because I don’t fucking deserve your compliments!” He ended up shouting, he was so frustrated, and why couldn’t the guy fucking get it?! Dean was not freaking good guy, he didn’t deserve to be praised. He was a shitty brother, a shittier son and an even shittier friend. He shoved the heels of his hands against his eyes, god how his head hurt. 

“If only you could see yourself by my eyes.” And there was a sigh while Castiel got up. Dean looked at him, both confused and nervous. He didn’t want Cas to leave, he didn’t want to ruin the first decent friendship he’d got in years. But, much to his surprise, Cas opened the drawer and probably looking for something stronger. “We’ll need something stronger than coffee.”

“The whisky is over but it you don’t mind we have two bottles of beer left.” The younger man ended up cracking a smile, Castiel was trying his best. And this was  
awesome.

Like, no one had ever understood that much, nobody got that Dean hated to feel sorry for himself, not even the priest in the beginning probably. And sometimes, all he really needed was a drink and a friend to keep him company, no pressure to speak or to solve anything. Right now, the older man was this friend.  
Cas sat down and handed over the bottle to Dean, and their hands touched for a moment a weird warm feeling ran through his body. The blue eyes winded for a split of a second and a faint blush crossed his cheeks. He wasn’t expecting them to touch and probably still was adapting to the idea of what the Winchester did for living. Dean winked at his friend, just for the fun, just to make sure he saw that almost smile in Castiel’s lips. He didn’t have to protect Cas, like he had with Sammy, nor be an example, like he was with Adam. 

He could almost be himself.

 

 

“Come on you two, or we’ll be late. And you freaking know Ellen hates when people are late.” Dean shouted from inside the car, rolling his eyes and turning on the radio. 

There was some good old Metallica tape playing. Adam left the trailer and walked to the car, carrying his notebooks, Sam was not far behind him smiling with the suit in a hanger. When his brothers entered, Sam was already rolling his eyes. “Come on Dean, I know you like classic rock. But you could change the music.”

“Adam, do you mind quoting the rules to Sammy?” He asked, while beginning to drive, with a cocky smile in his lips. 

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.” The youngest of them said with a smile in his face. 

Sam rolled his eyes but Dean could see the smile he tried to hide when he looked away. Things were almost peaceful; he had told Cas about his job a week ago. The only thing off: Adam was acting off, staring at Dean while he thought his brother wouldn’t notice, but Dean could tell when he was being observed and that was most of the time now. Sam on the other hand was so happy, the girl he was seeing, Rachel or something, she wanted to introduce him to her parents. And he was looking up to see where he could work once he got to California. 

“So… Dean” His brother called after a few minutes.

Dean looked at him. “What, Sammy?”

“I was just thinking… If you could, like… Meet her? I know you have a bunch of work to do, is just… She means a lot to me. And, well it would be great if you could give her a chance…” Getting a chance to see Gigantor like this made Dean smile, Sam was just an ordinary kid in the end. At least that much he had accomplished. 

“I’ll think about it. And you little guy?” He looked through the car mirror checking the youngest. “Are you dating anyone?”

“Dean, he’s eleven!” Sam shouted and he looked like he couldn’t believe it. Dean only laughed and pushed Sam’s shoulder. 

“Don’t whine so much, he is my brother he must have sexy genes. The last thing we need is another Sam in the family.” The younger man rolled his eyes but he was smiling. 

“I don’t have anyone. I don’t even have any friends, most kids are too fucking moron to befriend me.” 

The two older brothers looked to the youngest of them, frowning. Adam was looking to the side, biting his lower lip nervous. “You’re serious Adam?” Sam asked worried. 

“Yeah, I don’t really care though. It could be ten times worse.” The young boy shrugged. Dean could see more of himself in his little brother then he should. Sam wouldn’t understand, he had had troubles back in middle school, but he was a sweet and smart kid. Teachers liked him a lot. Adam on the other hand, was a troubled kid acting like an untamed animal. Most teachers only saw him as a rebel, not the sweet and troubled kid Dean saw. 

“Leave the kid be, Sammy.” The older one said when he saw the middle son opening his mouth.

“But, Dean…”

“Just leave it okay? If he needs help, he’ll ask.” Dean knew that was a big fat lie, no one in their family ever asked for help. They rather fall too deep into the shit than admit they were wrong, he was like this, their father and Sammy too. So it was only logical to believe Adam was too. But, well hope dies last. He finally parked outside of the Roadhouse. They had a small mission there: Try to see if John’s old suit would feat Sam, or it would be another thing for him to pay. 

Jo opened the door even before they were out; she was wearing shorts and a baseball shirt. Dean smiled getting out of the car. “Yo, Shorty!” He called laughing.  
She crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to look angry. But she ended cracking a smile. “Get over here, Winchesters.” Sam walked over to her with the suit in his arms. Dean followed him with an Adam a bit behind. She smiled openly, and said while guiding them in. “Garth and Ash are over here too, mom needed some help with the bar.”

Well, Ash was not that bad especially – considering he was a cop - when he was around Garth. The skinnier man was sitting in a table eating some pasta that smelled like Ellen’s homemade food. The older Winchester’s mouth watered and he grinned. 

“Come on Ellen, why does he get to be called for lunch?” He joked, pulling a chair to sit near Garth.

“Because you eat like it was your last meal, boy.” Ellen was behind the counter washing the dishes.

Adam waved to the woman with a half smiled and was pulled by Jo. She had promised Dean she’d help his brother with math; the girl might not be a genius, but they had tried with Sam, and well. It hadn’t worked. 

“So, get over here Sam. We need to get you fancy.” The woman said walking to the bigger room.

“I can cut your hair if you want it.” Ash said from somewhere in the back – probably fixing some of the electric. 

Sam had a smile and he ran his fingers through his hair, it was getting longer and Dean knew how much he would love to let it grow. Dean rolled his eyes, and before he could give a smartassed reply, Garth was speaking. “Ash, he wouldn’t look good with the hair you are planning.”

“You don’t know what I’m planning!” The policeman said from his spot. 

Garth only gave a calm smile. “I know you, Ash.” He drank a bit of his soda, and looked around smiling. “So, Dean, how is everything?” 

“Going” He gave a half-hearted smile, looking as his brother went to the bathroom to try the suit. Ellen sat with them, drinking a bottle of beer. 

“Sorry to tell you that kid, but no fucking way the suit is going to fit.”

“I know…He’s just too freaking tall.” 

Ellen looked at him with the corner of her eye, and smiled before offering him a sip of the bottle. He accepted it, no alcohol was ever enough. They waited there.  
Garth began discussing with Ellen about something of the Roadhouse and his work at the hospital. Dean was listening, but didn’t try to engage the conversation. After a few minutes, he listened to the door opening and his brother saying “How do I look?”

Everyone that was around turned to look at the teenager who had an open smile in his lips and tried to copy a model’s pose. Scratching the back of his head and waiting for comments. Ash was the first one to say something. “Boy, no joking. But if you weren’t a jailbait I’d totally fuck you.”

“Ash! Dude, for fucks sake!” Dean didn’t even want to picture this image. Ellen sighed and got up walking towards Sam, checking if everything was in place. Dean was smiling; he couldn’t believe his baby brother looked so damn fine in that old suit. Of course it needed some fixing, but he couldn’t see why anyone wouldn’t want to go on a date with him. He was freaking proud of that boy, finally getting where no Winchester had gone before – his own prom. 

“So Ellen, what do you think?” The oldest of the three brothers asked, watching as the woman checked some parts of the suit. 

“I can do that. As a birthday gift, what do you think Sam?” She said, holding his shoulders. In her own stiff and tense way she was proud of Sammy. The teenager smile only grew wider and he nodded in response. Dean turned to Garth giving a friendly punch to his shoulder. “What do you think Garth?”

“I’m happy for you guys, a prom is something amazing…. So sad I didn’t have a date to mine.” He didn’t seem upset about that but it was kind of sad. The skinnier man was clumsy but Dean supposed there were girls that liked that kind of guy. Probably the same kind of girls that would find Cas hot (there were actually some teenager girls that thought that and tried to flirt with the priest, which was fun to watch). 

“Didn’t you go with Doctor Badass there? You guys have been friends ever since I was Adam’s age.” He looked to Ash, and Garth did the same… And for like one split of a second, the Winchester saw something in his look. Before he smiled and shrugged. “He had a date, back on the day his mullet was a success.”

The cop looked to them and shouted sounding almost offended “It still is!” Dean rolled his eyes laughing. 

 

 

He was standing outside of the Roadhouse next to Jo looking to the sunset, his brother was trying to talk him into borrowing the Impala so they could go back home.  
No way in the fucking hell he would let Sam take her anywhere. “Garth can give you guys a ride. Right, Garth?” He turned to the dentist with a half-smile in his lips.  
The guy smiled and agreed. Sam rolled his eyes annoyed but didn’t say a word. Adam was already walking to the car; he had acted weird when Dean told him he was staying there to work. Maybe Dean needed to improve his lies. Sam may have chosen not to see it, but for the looks of things, the youngest of them was different. He had noticed something, and the last shit Dean needed right now was Adam doubting his perfect planned lies. 

When the four of them were leaving, the Winchester left behind noticed something weird. When he thought no one was seeing, Ash let his hand on Garth’s waist and whispered something that made the skinny guy laugh. Dean leaned into Jo, who was sending someone text messages. “Jo, are Garth and Ash like…”

“Fucking? Yeah.” She didn’t even turn her eyes away from the phone.

“Really? Dude, that’s creepy.”

“You tell me. I almost didn’t buy it when Ash told me they were ‘Friends with Benefits’.” Dean was kind of surprised with that, he had a hard time picturing the two of them…Christ! Now, he was having a hard time removing that image from his mind. 

He would have to work on the Roadhouse tonight, before he left Ash had let it slip to Ellen that there would be watching over the motel – trying to make an arrest – for  
the next couple of days. Ellen had warned him she couldn’t pay, and that she didn’t want him doing whatever he did on her bar, especially not when Jo was around. 

Dean never considered doing anything like that, still had some respect for the Harvelle’s place. 

“So Dean-o, why this sudden will to help out here?” The teenager girl asked him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Your mom is doing that stuff for Sam so I thought I could be of some help.”’ He already knew she would ask something like that. Sometimes, Jo was just too damn curious for her own good. 

“You know why don’t have how to pay you right?” 

“Yeah, don’t hope you guys do it anyway.” 

They stood in silence until she rested her head against his shoulder, his green eyes moved to watch how she looked. Nervous, and biting her lower lip. Dean knew the girl had some stupid teenager crush on him, nothing that would evolve obviously. She was too young for him and just like - She was his little sister. Jo had never said anything to him, and probably wouldn’t, she knew what his reply would be.

“You know something, Shorty?” He asked putting his hands on his jeans’ pockets. 

“What?”

“You and Sammy would make a lovely couple.” He teased her, and the blonde ended up hitting his shoulder looking angry. He just laughed and walked back into the bar. He didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with her crush right now, so he just hoped it would wear out soon enough. Ellen threw him a rag and said with a smile in her lips. 

“Go do some work, pretty boy.”

He just rolled his eyes, pretending to be bothered. If he could, he would have loved to work at the Roadhouse with them, or maybe at Bobby’s repair shop back in Sioux Falls. But instead, he worked for Crowley. Because things didn’t happen the way he hoped they did.

 

Why did he always end up doing dumb things? 

Like now, he was sitting in Cas’ bed letting the priest fix his wounds all because he couldn’t think before doing stuff. The priest just sighed cleaning up a small cut on his lip. 

“You should watch out more for yourself, Dean.” 

“I do, is just that asshole was trying to get into Jo’s pants! And she is fourteen for fuck sakes!” That had taken the Winchester of his balance, guys like that always happened to anyone, but she was a freaking kid! Ellen was almost reaching for the shotgun she kept under the counter when Dean stood for her daughter. The guy had thrown the first punch, but Dean was not one to turn the other cheek. The young man ended up winning, kicking the guy out of the Roadhouse and ordering him never to show his ugly face again. When he was doing that, he forgot he was already bruised, and that Crowley would probably stay fifty minutes lecturing him about damaging the merchandise. 

The older man’s hands moved and his fingers brushing ghostly through Dean’s arms to check for bruises. The younger man closed his eyes trying to take off his mind the idea of how the priest’s touches might feel. This was just not the time. “Watch out for the language.” 

The younger man rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so fussy, Cas.”

The older man sighed and let his eyes close. He looked tired, the black bags under his eyes were darker and his beard was beginning to grow. When he open them again, their eyes met, and Dean saw concern there. Fuck, Cas probably couldn’t stop worrying about him. The son of a bitch was such a good human guy it looked fake. The young man sighed and reached for the priest shoulder, forcing a smile on his lips. 

“Relax, dude, I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time.” 

“That’s what worries me; you don’t need to deal with all by yourself.” 

His concern, the way he spoke about it made Dean smile for real. He decided to go for a tease to see if he could lighten the mood. “Well when I find a nice guy like you that can date me and helps me pay for Sam’s college I’ll stop dealing with it all by myself.” The priest blushed a bit, before saying really serious.

“I can help you with that Dean.”

“How, with donation money? No, thanks.” The last thing he needed was charity from a bunch of strangers. 

“My brother, Gabriel, he has money and he sends me a bit every month or so. I usually give it to charity, but I can give part of it to you, so you don’t have to work so hard.”

“No, Cas.” He answered bluntly.

If his friend gave him money, he would end up feeling like Cas was paying him for being his friend. And he didn’t want to put Castiel anywhere near that label. They stared at each other for a couple of moments, and Dean could help to realize how close they were, how all of this situation if with anyone else would have ended up in them kissing roughly and making out on the bed. But Cas was his friend and a priest! The idea of going to bed with him shouldn’t be so pleasant. Only when he broke off these thoughts did he notice he was still touching the dark-haired. How could all of this look so normal? Feel so normal? This was not natural. 

And a click went on his head, and he understood.

He got up fast. “I have to go. See ya Cas.”

Dean almost ran off the bloody church. The not so cold hair felt like a relief to him as he walked down to his trailer. His mind was on fire, thoughts consuming it slowly and realization hitting him hard. 

He was always thinking about the priest, even when he shouldn’t, he found the guy hot as hell and liked to look at him. He loved staying near the guy, or having his company… His smile came out easier when around him…

“Fuck!” He shouted kicking the wheel of his babe. 

This just couldn’t be happening.

Dean Winchester was not falling for _**Father**_ Castiel Novak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Guys *Hiding from the hating this anti-climax moment is going to bring*  
> But look at the bright side, we're finally getting to the Destiel!  
> I told you I was trying to update more often. And I keep my promises.   
> Again, this chapter did not have a beta, I did the revision, but god knows I'm not good at spoting mistakes and typos ( Ana had to help me when she realized in the last chapter the Winchester had an infinite amount of Whisky in their cabinet).   
> As always, I hope you like it.   
> Feel free to leave comments, suggestions.  
> Kissus see ya again by the end of the week - if I keep up with the writing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first kiss and Smut

Things didn’t exactly become smoother after he realized that. 

He couldn’t just have a stupid crush on the one person who was nice to him, what a stupid whore he was. He went back to work a few days later, which was not good, he’d lost four days payment and Crowley was full of complains. Dean wasn’t in the mood to hear all of them, especially now when Sam’s birthday was getting closer. He wanted his baby brother to have a nice day, so he would met his date and they could all go to grab something to eat at the Roadhouse. It would be great if Bobby called them, would probably cheer Sammy up and Dean really needed to speak with him. And all that mess did well on helping him avoiding the priest.  
He closed his eyes lying on the backseat of the Impala, his night had sucked. Usually he was glad when his clients only wanted to use him, threat him like the whore he knew he was. But now, he didn’t need anyone to remind him of that. The radio was playing Bad Company, and he was still trying to get the courage to enter the trailer. Dean didn’t want to visit Cas, it was bad enough he had dragged the priest inside his mess, the guy didn’t need to drown himself in the Winchester’s problems. He closed his eyes and threw his arm over them. There were days he was just fucking tired. 

He heard the car door being opened and sat almost immediately, looking at who ever had entered his babe. 

“So… Are you gonna talk or we’ll pretend you don’t have any problems?” Sam was sitting in the shotgun seat looking at Dean, worry filling his face. 

“You shouldn’t be awake it’s late.”

“It’s Friday, and don’t change the subject.”

Great, just all he needed, Sammy worried with him. He couldn’t just talk to him; those were his problems through them at the teenager. It was enough that John had called saying he wouldn’t be able to come this year. Sam had actually got happy with that, he couldn’t forgive Dad.   
“It’s nothing Sam.” He dismissed the talk; there were enough things in his mind right now. 

“Yeah, of course it’s nothing. You know Dean; I used to be the person you came and talked to you know, before you met Cas.” Dean looked at his brother, Sam was with that expression –kind of a bitch face but a hurt one – and he wasn’t looking to his brother. The older man suddenly felt so guilty, had he been neglecting his brothers… Fuck, he couldn’t do anything right. 

“Sam… Sorry bro.” God, he was feeling like crap, but Sam couldn’t know that. 

“It’s okay Dean…” Of course it was not okay. He closed his eyes for just one second, trying to see what he could tell his brother. What were going to be the lies this time? However, is brother deserved more than that… Sam was a good kid, he had good grades and even if he was a bit hot-headed Dean freaking loved his big-sized little brother. Sometimes he forgot what the reason why he handled with the guys was. It was because he didn’t want his brother’s to need to do anything like that, ever. 

“I’m having some troubles at the job, nothing major…” This was the closest he could get of the true, but still he could see in the teen’s face that he wasn’t buying anything his brother said. Luckily, he wasn’t very questioning tonight. Sam sighed and looked at him. There was silence for a while.

“I was thinking about which job I should take…”

“Well, if you get the scholarship next semester I think I can pay for everything. You should use that big brain of yours to study.” 

“I think I can manage to do both.”

“You’d hope so, Sammy.”

And more silence, but not the awkward kind, just two young man sharing some memories. 

“Dean.”

“Yeah, Little Bro.”

“Adam’s asleep; you think we could pick Cas and go have some beer?”

“Aren’t you underage?” He teased the teenager. Yeah, he didn’t want his baby brother getting into the family drinking business, but it would be good to drink something with the two of them. Sam didn’t like Benny very much, so no way they were going on a bounding star gazing session. “Just kidding, Sammy. You go check on little dumbass there, see if he’s safe. Close everything; lock all doors and windows-”

“Leave the shotgun near him, not enough for him to hurt himself. Make sure there’s a note giving a good explanation why we left and money if he needs anything. I know, Dean...”

“Stop being such a smartass. See you in twenty?”

“Yes.”

Dean went to the driver’s seat and pushed his brother – making Sam laugh. Then, he drove to the church; there was something odd about going after the guy. He had refused a proposal –not that kind of proposal – from the guy the last time they had a real talk. The Winchester didn’t know how Castiel would have reacted to their sudden part. Well, he was going to find that out in no time. The sound of the Impala must have woken him because the lights turned on as soon as the Winchester parked. He got out of the car, and walked to the church. Only to meet the older man halfway. 

“Hello, Dean.” They stopped near the church’s door, staring at each other. 

“Hello, Cas.” He looked down feeling kind of uncomfortable. The other man’s eyes were too piercing. The younger man put his hand on the back pocket and ran his tongue across his lips. “Listen, me and Sammy are going to have some beers and you know… Nothing serious. He said we could ask you to join us. What do you say?”

“I would be delighted. However, isn’t Sam too young to be drinking?”

“He is a Winchester; no Winchester is too young to drink.”

“Not even Adam?”

“Shut up, Cas.” But he was smiling, because Cas couldn’t actually behave like an ordinary human being. And that was okay. 

“Are you two coming?” Sam’s voice broke the moment. His brother was near the Impala, smiling and tapping the roof of the car. The older Winchester looked at the priest still smiling. 

“What do you say, Cas?”

“That if you two accept my company, I would be delighted to join you.”

 

 

 

Everything was going so well… Dean should have known good things didn’t happen to him. He, Sammy and Cas had bought some beers in the gas station and parked outside of town to watch the stars. They told old silly stories and laughed, Sam showed Cas how to shoot a shotgun – a useless knowledge shared by the older Winchesters – and the priest told them about the stars. Sam got terribly drunk and started saying some funny shit and eventually fell asleep in the shotgun seat.   
He and the priest stayed there, sitting in the hood of the car with beer bottles on their hands. Dean was feeling kind of drunk when his friend began talking. It should have been something about how glad he was Dean and him weren’t fighting no longer. That he cared a lot for the young man, and he insisted on helping him with money. Dean’s reply was to pinch his nose and laugh. “Don’t be silly Cas, for you to give me money you’d have to fuck me first.” 

Cas looked disappointed at him, but Dean couldn’t really understand why. The priest looked kind of handsome with that scruffy and tired look and the morning sun hitting his face. 

And that dumb whore who fell in love with the one person that was nice to him did the stupidest thing he could do.

He leaned in closer to the other man, resting their foreheads against each other. Both their breathing smelled like booze, but he didn’t really mind. He’d put his mouth on things that smelled worse. One of his hands touched Cas’ and he held it like it was the most precious thing ever. The older man didn’t move back, so the Winchester decided to do it.

He kissed Castiel. With all the desire on his body. He grabbed the man’s neck and pulled him closer. His lips were kind of dry, and his bear scratched Dean’s face. But the young man didn’t care because he was doing something.

However, the priest didn’t return the kiss. He didn’t even close his eyes for Christ sake’s. Dean back down, feeling embarrassed of his actions, of his stupid whore self that he done that. He couldn’t look to Cas. 

“Dean… I’m sorry…”

“Just forget it.” He was so mad; he got off the hood of the car. “We should get going. You have your priest stuff to do and I got to sleep before work.”  
He didn’t look to the older man but he could almost see the kicked puppy face he must have made. Both man got inside the car. The driver knew he wasn’t in his best condition that he shouldn’t be driving. None the less, he had to drive. Sam was passed out and the priest – because that’s what he was, a priest – didn’t know how to. The trip was silent and slow –he might not be sober but he wasn’t completely drunk, and he would never risk his brother’s –or Castiel’s – lives. When he parked outside of the church, Castiel touched his shoulder but Dean didn’t look back at him. He saw through the rear mirror the sad look on the priest’s face.

“Please, come talk to me, Dean.”

The young bit his lower lip and looked away. This was going to be one of a shitty night.

 

 

The following night he drove back to the motel. The place should be full because he had never seen the parking lot so packed up of cars. He got out of the Impala and caressed the roof of the car. 

“I’ll be back in no time, babe.”

He forced himself to smile; there was no reason to be all mad. His clients wouldn’t care if he had a bad day, to them; he was not allowed to have another life. And as a matter of fact, his employer got the same opinion. When he stepped in the reception, Crowley actually looked annoyed at him. 

“You’re late boy.”

He just ignored it, talking to Crowley would only make things worse. “Where will it be?” He wasn’t very much in the mood for a fight; all he wanted was the money and go back to his trailer. 

“Room 13, the client is already there so you better do your best.” 

He gave a false smile and left to the room. Crowley hadn’t said the name, which usually meant the client didn’t want anyone to know who he was. Not that it change shit, he didn’t remember the names of the clients… They were just another face, just another person paying a lot to get him into their beds. He knocked twice at the door, and put his hands on his pocket a bit nervous. The door was opened by a guy he was pretty sure he’d seen a few times before.

“Good night.” The Winchester said putting his sexy and sassy mask. 

“Good night. Please come in.” 

He enters, the guy is not ugly. He has dark-hair and blue eyes, and wears a suit and a tie. There’s just a slightly resemblance to Castiel. God, he’s obsessed about the priest. “So, what are you up to tonight?” He asks, looking to the guy with one eyebrow arched and a cocky smile in his face. “I’m up to anything you want. Everything but bondage or anything involving pain.” 

“That wasn’t crossing my mind. I would rather make you feel good…”

There had been a while since the last time someone had paid for something like that. If Dean was lucky enough this guy would just make him cum and leave. He didn’t want anyone being too kind with him, that whole worshiping thing was not called for today. But, it wasn’t his call to make. The young man took off his leather jacket and hanged it on the back of the chair. “So come here.” 

And the guy came, his hands resting on the Winchester’s hips. He asked. “May I kiss you?” Of course he was asking, many hookers didn’t do kissing. Dean was one of them most times –it was easier for him to get a cock on his mouth than a tongue. But, this dude was just doing things in a way he could picture Cas, and it was no good. “Fine….”

The kiss was a demanding one, but weirdly gentle. Dean held the man’s shoulders, letting him have his way with the young man’s mouth. It wasn’t bad, but it tasted like cigarettes and salad. None of these things reminded him of Castiel. His green eyes closed as he was pushed to the bed, falling on it underneath the client. The hands on his hips entered under his old and worn-out grey t-shirt. The touch was kind of cold, and made him shiver. Their lips parted, and the man took off his shirt. The necklace Sam had given to him hit the skin, and the man continued kissing down his chest. It was good, but not enough to make him lose his mind. He moaned anyway when one of his nipples was captured, even if the most that would get him in reality was a gasp. He was trying to keep his mind in safe territory, trying to keep the freaking priest out of them. But the son of a bitch was always coming up. 

The kisses continued down his chest, and to his lower abdomen. He moaned, they sounded real, and his body was starting to take more interest in the situation. Things were getting hotter, the thigh of the man was pressing against his crotch… And that made him gasp for air. His hands gripped tight the sheets of the bed, and he let his head fall back. Closing his eyes, a name almost escaped his lips. However, he could stop it before it happened. His body tensed up and he bit his lower lip, furious with himself. The client noticed that, and moved. Kissing his neck instead, and whispering in his ear: 

“You can call who you want. Think of me as nothing more than a channel to bring you comfort.” 

This was not real; there must be something this guy wanted. No one was ever nice in this job, no one that paid for his time wanted anything to do with his comfort. They were the reason why he needed it anyway. The fingers of the guy unbelted the leather belt and unbuttoned his pants. Dean tried to think of Doctor Sexy, or some other thing like that…. It worked for a while, as the guy pulled his jeans and his underwear down. He acted the part quite well, moaning and raising his hips to make the guy’s work easier. But as soon as the kisses – it was quite amazing that he wasn’t trying to mark the young man. Usually he would have to stop the guys from biting and sucking his skin. 

“Where’s the lube?” There it was, he knew the client would want something. 

Between gasps – the son of a bitch was pitching his nipples – “In the night table.”

The client was parted of him; he felt the mattress change and his warm body near the almost naked body of the prostitute. Dean opened his eyes and looked when the guy opened the drawer to pick up the bottle. His profile was too much like Cas’ and this was not fair. He sat on the bed and took of his boots and his socks before kicking the jeans and underwear. The client was still fully dressed, and that kind of bothered him. He held the client’s hair and pulled him to a kiss, before sitting on his lap. 

“Like this is better…” He whispered after breaking the kiss. The man smiled and caressed his face – God, he must be really bed, because the guy was looking more like Cas. 

“Not for what I want to do. Lay down and spread your legs.” 

He obeyed, laid on his back. Opening his legs as far as he could. The green eyes focused on a spot on the wall. The client was kneeling between his legs, he leaned closer. And almost at the same time he felt a warm mouth around his cock and a finger entering his ass. The moan that came out of his mouth was true. And he closed his eyes. The guy was moving his finger as his head went up and freed the young man’s penis. He licked all the way from the base to the shaft. All Dean could do was moan. The client was still a bit clueless and that only ended made him more similar to what was his idea of the priest. The second finger was added and begun rocking harder inside his body. He moaned even more, his mind was picturing the blue-eyed priest doing this. And since everything was already fucked the guy had to hit the right spot. 

He almost shouted. Dean was so close to coming, his hands were gripping so tight the sheet. Moaning loud, cries of “Oh… My god…” and “Please…” were all across the room. And the third finger was in. He wanted it. It was so close. The warmness around his dick and the touching on his prostate. He ended up coming. 

“Cas!” He called shouting the priest’s name. 

There should be the numbness, but he was too wary to do this. His eyes were too opened, and he wanted to hide himself. What was he thinking? Calling the priest’s name during a job? The guy got up, with a half-smile and petted his tight.

“It was great, thanks, Dean.”

The guy left without another word. And for the first time, in a long while, he felt tears down his eyes. He was pathetic; he deserved everything bad that happened on his life. 

_“You may run, Dean. But you’ll always be a needy little whore. All it takes is to make you cum and your mask falls.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kidding!
> 
> Before you guys get angry with me, I didn't mention with who the smut was going to be.  
> Important things:
> 
> This fic was supposed to be 30 chapters long ( I have already every single one planned) but since some chapters are being split in two (like 5 and 6 which in my planning are 5, 10 and 11 which are 10 (this is the one I've just finished writing, just fyi). So the number of chapters on top will probably change, it's only a guess based on what the fic tells me right now.
> 
> Second, I'm thinking about making 13 Cas Pov, what you guys think about it?
> 
> Kissus, See ya by the begining of next week! As always feel free to leave comments, point out mistakes and anything


	8. Chapter 8

_May 2nd, 2002_

It was Sammy’s birthday, his seventeen birthday - maybe the last they would be celebrating together in a few years. That was one of the main reasons why everything had to go on perfectly. 

Dean was up before six, even if he had only managed to sleep around four – who needed more than two hours of sleep, anyway? – to bake the cake for his baby brother. Adam woke up at seven and sat sprawled on the couch, looking at Dean with those blue eyes that nowadays were usually so empty.

“So, dumbass, what are you going to give Bitch?” He asked, a fake smile on his lips. 

“A book.” The kid answered while pouring milk into a glass. 

“Where did you get it?” He liked the idea of Adam buying things for Sam, but there was always the worry of how he had gotten his hands on it.

“A garage sell. It was only three dollars. No need to worry, I didn’t steal it.” 

“Never thought that.” This kid was getting too smart for his own good. 

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Dean sighed, making a mental note to talk to Ellen about teenagers. He knew she and Jo were almost always arguing with each other and, if Adam was going to become an annoying one, he needed to be ready. 

He checked if everything was set in place before sitting on the bed, looking at Sammy and waiting for the time to turn on the radio playing Asia (weird deal with the guy back at the station - long story - that every may 2nd, at 7:30, the dude would play Heat of the Moment just to piss Sammy off).

So it wasn’t any surprise when his brother woke up with THE bitchface. “Rise and shine, Sammy.” He said, laughing.

“Really, Dean? It’s not funny anymore.” Sam replied, getting off bed and throwing the pillow on him. The older one only laughed and followed his baby brother to the bathroom.

“Come on, Sammy. It’s Asia, you know you like it.”

“Just shut up, Dean.” Sam pushed him off the bathroom and closed the door. Dean smiled and put the cake on the table to wait for him. 

At the same time, the phone ringed and Adam picked it up before Dean could. The boy smiled, and said, holding the phone like it was a precious thing. “Hi, Uncle Bobby.” Dean wanted to talk to the old man, but he guessed his younger brother deserved the chance to do it first.

Bobby had been gone since around two weeks after Dean’s birthday. He was doing a Biology degree on a big college and had gotten his hands on a scholarship in Japan. He missed the guy, but because of the time difference and how much the calls costed they had only heard from the redneck twice in all those months. He didn’t pay attention to whatever Adam was saying to Bobby, the kid’s voice unsurprisingly low. Nothing could really put him down today, anyway. It was Sammy’s birthday.

 

 

Dean and his big mouth. 

He had decided to drop his brothers off at school - Adam still being bitchy, saying that if Dean didn’t come by to pick him up he would tell Bobby when the older man called again. Sam, of course, had just laughed at them - the moose couldn’t see that this was some serious shit, but it was his birthday so it just might be okay that he was distracted by stupid stuff. When the older Winchester parked right outside the town’s High School – the same place he had dropped out of a few years ago - Sam decided to have a fucking idea.

“Dean, Rachel’s over there. I’ll bring her over for you to meet.” 

He should have recognized the group when he gave a quick glance in the direction where his brother pointed. Instead, he just sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s your freaking birthday, not like I could say no to anything even if I tried.” 

Sammy gave a big smile and almost jumped off the car, running towards a group of brats. Dean got out of the car and rested his arms on his baby’s hood. He was tired, but there were a lot of things he had to do today - one of them being face Castiel to ask him to come to Sam’s birthday party at the Roadhouse. He also had to buy his brother one of those damned cellphones, so Sam would have no excuse not to answer his calls when he was in California.

“Dean, this is Rachel. Rachel, this is my brother Dean.”

He turned his green eyes to see who his brother’s date was. And a cold chill went down his stomach. He knew that blonde girl, he could recognize her and her friends anywhere. A group of assholes that had fun throwing beer bottles on hookers and rent boys, who laughed of them and every once in a while would try to beat a newbie up. Jerks. More the ten times he had been target to these stupid assholes and had protected the girls an even greater amount of times. She recognized him too, and Dean bit his lower lip for a split second before offering her his hand to shake and saying, his best fake smile on.

“Nice to meet you, Rachel. Hope my clueless baby brother isn’t being the worse date ever.”

She answered with an equally fake smile. “Nice to meet you too, Dean. And relax, Sam’s great.” Rachel turned her eyes to his brother, smiling and he saw Sam blushing. Gosh, his brother was hopelessly in love with that bitch. Why couldn’t Sam have one freaking birthday in which something bad didn’t happen? 

Like, when he turned five Dad showed up and said this pregnant woman was coming to live with them. When he turned seven, Kate left them. When he was ten, Bobby and Dad stopped talking to each other. When he was eleven, Bill Harvelle died in a hunting accident when he was with Dad. When he turned twelve, Dean had to accept the fact Dad’s money just wasn’t enough to raise three boys. And things hadn’t exactly improved since.

The bell rang on the distance.

“We have to go. See you later, Dean.” The two teenagers walked away holding hands, but when Rachel turned to look at Dean there was just something wicked about her. And the older Winchester just realized he had to make these two break up, before she tried to blackmail him or, worse, told Sammy the truth. 

He hopped back on the Impala and turned on the car, putting some Johnny Cash songs to play. He was going to have to ask Benny to help him out with a plan. Yes, that would hurt Sam, but it would probably be one thousand times worse if he found out about everything. He would want Dean to stop and then wouldn’t take the money to go to College. It would have been all for nothing. His brother would recover - he might even hate Dean for it, but that’s what kids are supposed to do, right? Eat your food and break your heart.  
He stopped by the local dinner before going to the church again. He needed a while to think before returning to his workplace. Maybe getting a quickie with a waitress could cheer him up a little, especially if she had blue eyes and dark hair - because he obviously wasn’t going to get a priest on his bed anytime soon. And he was kind of thankful for that, he knew he would end up getting his hopes too high with Cas if they fucked, come on. He knew the priest had doubts, he knew the guy wasn’t sure about his choices. What kind of fucked up bastard was he to put even more shit in his friend’s mind? He sighed, setting the car in the dinner’s parking lot and resting his forehead on the steering wheel. His life was such a mess right now, he couldn't even think where he should start fixing it. 

Probably with Cas, the guy was not to blame after all - Dean had just freaking fallen for him, it wasn’t like the man had asked for it to happen. Yeah, that was it. He was going to act like nothing had happened between them and hope Castiel would play along. It had just been a stupid decision to kiss him, a drunk one. He could avert the whole embarrassing part of it. Dean took a deep breath before leaving the car. There was just one thing he wanted this morning: not to see Meg or any of the cops.

And of course life had to fuck him up a bit more, because guess who was there? The Bitch queen, the other bitch (Hester, god Dean couldn't bring himself to like her) and Marv – there was something not right about this guy, too – all having coffee. They all looked at him when he entered - Meg giving that nasty smile of hers before calling him.

“Hello. Seat here with us, pretty boy.”

Hester laughed with some mesure of disgust on her face. Marv was the one that seemed the least interested in him, just the permanent apathy.

“Fuck off, Meg.”

Dean sighed and sat on a table right in the corner, hiding behind the menu and his back to them. He knew what he wanted already, but this was the best way to avoid looking at the group. The waitress didn’t take long to come by - name was Rhonda Hurley and one of the prettiest faces he had ever seen.

“So, what can I get you, Dean?” Her smile was flirty and the man smiled back. He would love to sleep with her, but today he couldn’t. So he just flirted aimlessly.

“I want some coffee and a slice of pie, sweetie.” He winked at her.

“I’ll bring it in a second.” She walked away, hips tantalizing. He just hoped his day would get better - he might even have some fun with her after all. He began to entertain this thought. That is, until Castiel entered the dinner (of all the fucking coincidences). The priest didn’t see him, but Dean had caught a look at him through the reflection. He sat next to Marv, a faint smile on his lips. 

He hoped Cas wouldn’t notice him, that he wouldn’t have to talk to him in front of a bunch of people. But Meg – oh, dear Meg – had to act up to her tittle of Bitch Queen. She was freaking hitting on him! Castiel didn’t seem to be able to make her stop, but he was obviously uncomfortable. Marv briefly tried to aid him, but didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it after a couple minutes. Rhonda came back with his pie and coffee, but his eyes were fixed on the scene happening on the background. 

He asked her in a very low voice. “Can you please ask Officer Masters to stop, the guy is obviously bothered.”

“Sorry, sweetie. He seems like a big guy. I bet he can take care of himself.” She answered, patting his shoulder. “You could go there, though. You two are friends, right?”

He sighed and turned away, taking a sip of his coffee. Things just weren’t that easy. Listening to the policewoman hit on the priest made him angry and even the pie tasted sour in his mouth - the priest was ruining his life, not even his damned pie was safe. He gave up after the third bite, and pushed the plate off before getting up and walking to seat between Meg and Castiel. He could see the priest’s blue eyes widening from surprise, but just turned to the police officer and said, maybe a bit too angry.

“Come on, Meg. Are you desperate enough to hit on a priest? I can always make a few calls.” He was teasing, but she deserved it. 

Castiel touched his arm and whispered.“I appreciate your concern, Dean, but you don’t need to interfere.” 

“Yeah, he doesn’t need a bitch’s protection.” Meg was angry and he could almost feel the poison in her words. 

Castiel’s grip on his arm became tighter when he attempted to move. Dean gave a quick look to the older man and whispered. “Relax, Cas. What the bitch queen says does not affect me.” 

The priest stared at him, serious to the bone. Dean turned his gaze away and pulled his arm free, looking down. 

“What a good obedient little whore we have here. My brother taught you well, didn’t he?” 

The dark-haired woman just couldn’t let him go, could she? And this was just a step too far. Dean’s jaw clenched and he fisted his hands on the table. 

Castiel turned to Marv and whispered something he couldn’t quite hear, but what he said to Meg was very clear. “I do believe you should leave Dean alone, Meg. Attacking someone that can’t strike back is a coward act.”

Before the scene could evolve any further, Castiel pulled him out of there. Just like he had done in the station and dragged him out. Dean felt even more pathetic, if such thing was possible - why had he panicked just from the mention of Alistair? Would he never get rid of those memories and what they meant? This was not a day were he could allow himself to be broken. The priest dragged him outside the dinner as those thoughts crossed his mind.

“I didn’t pay the bill, Cas.” The young man whispered, looking back.

“I asked Marv to do this favor for me.”

He didn’t like owning that guy anything, but right now all he wanted was to leave this place. Go somewhere safe. Be safe and sound until he regained control of himself. The priest took him to his car and opened the door. The Winchester was still trying to get how he had taken the keys from his pocket without him noticing, but it didn’t matter anymore when the blue-eyed man made him seat on the backseat and crouched in front of him, resting his hands on the younger man’s knees.

“Hard day?”

“More like hard four years.” 

There was silence for a few moments, during which he could see Cas wanted to say something. But the priest wouldn’t actually speak, just stared at Dean with eyes full of worry. The Winchester caught himself hoping for Cas to say something to put his feet back on the ground.

“Dean…” A whisper caught his attention. “I can’t erase whatever you went through, and I’m sorry. But the only thing I can do is stay here and keep you company until you’re okay.”  
Dean sighed and looked down, forcing himself to smile. “It’s okay, Cas.”

His friend remained there nevertheless, not uttering another word, but holding his hand tight. That would have to do for now, probably forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys miss me?!  
> So,This Chapter has beta work! *runs around happy* But only because Jana had already done it. *stops*  
> But she's answering some of the comments for me.  
> Things are getting warmer, the Destiel is closing in and I hope I can get to 10 before S9 begins *torn between scared as fuck and excited as hell about it*  
> I hope you guys like this. And that you get the hints, because there's a lot going on the background that Dean doesn't know, and I'm excited to see what you guys reaction will be when we get to know it ( Yes, Ana, I'm talking to you)
> 
> Kissus
> 
> See Ya!


	9. Chapter 9

He was starting to believe Cas wouldn't show up. 

It wasn't fair with his younger brother; Sam really liked talking to the priest. And with his absence there was a hole in their dynamics. It was weird that a man they had met less than six months ago made his absence more noticed than their father’s. John had called and wished Sammy a happy birthday, promising he would send some money to help with the college. Usually that would have cause tension since it was another promise he wouldn't probably stick for, but right now, Dean didn't really mind that he wasn't around.

They were having a great time in the barbecue in the Roadhouse’s parking lot. 

Ellen had insisted on doing and paying everything. She was now keeping an eye on the grill and talking to Sheriff Mills – who was still fond of them in the end of the day. Joshua was around them, eating some burgers and observing everyone. Cas hadn't come with him – the priest had to do whatever priests are supposed to do before coming. He was supposed to come with Meg, but neither of them had shown up. This was probably the part that worried him the most. Jody had said that Meg had only probably decided to take Cas for a longer ride, and well that almost made things worse. 

Sam was happy or at least he looked so. He was talking to Rachel (Because Dean still hadn't figured out a plan to get rid of her), Amy (one other friend of his that the Older Winchester couldn't bring himself to like), Jessica (another friend and probably the only of the three that actually deserved a chance to date his baby brother), Benny and Ash. The cop was obviously there for the pretty girls, but seemed torn between hitting on them and teasing Sam. His friend was only there because the green-eyed man asked, he was checking to see if maybe Dean wasn't just overacting and the girl was actually pretty nice. 

Adam was with Jo and Rufus, the old man was trying to teach the two young ones how to shoot. Jo was pretty damn good with a shotgun, making all the cans fall with just one shot. His brother in the other hand might lack the precision but had the instinct. John would be proud of that, he had always value these kinds of skills. Rufus seemed kind of proud too, in a Rufus way of being proud, but it meant a lot to those two fatherless teens.

Dean was not in a very party mood, worried about Castiel, about what he was going to do with his brother’s girlfriend… About the clients he was going to take in tomorrow. Things weren't getting any easier, but it was useless to worry right now, he couldn't do much. So, all that he was doing was drink beer sitting on a wooden bench next to Garth. The skinnier man was already drunk – and this wasn't even his second bottle of beer. 

“Dean?” Garth called so freaking drunk it got to the point it was funny. He rested his head on the Winchester’s shoulder.

“What is it this time, Garth?” The younger man asked, taking another sip of his beer, trying to withhold his smiled. 

“Are you and the priest _dating_?” He asked and Dean almost fell off the bench in shock. 

“What the fuck?” He asked whispering, looking to the sides in hope no one had heard what the other man had asked. Luckily enough, everybody else seemed to be minding their own business.

“Is just… That when you talk about him you have the same look on your face Jo says I have when I talk about Ash.” His voice was just a little heartbroken, and it made the green-eyed man feel sorry for him. Maybe the whole friends-with-benefits story wasn't what the dentist needed in the end, and the cop hadn't – or maybe just wouldn't - notice there were feelings at risk. His hand touched Garth’s shoulder, trying to give some comfort to the man. He wasn't very good at this, but he was doing his best.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. I’m not supposed to talk about our relationship.” He gave a silly yet sad smile, before getting up. “Want some beers, Dean?” 

“No, thanks.” He raised his bottle that still was half full. 

Garth shrugged still smiling and walked to the thermic box were Ellen was keeping the drinks. Dean let his head fall back so he could look at the stars; this had become a freaking damn habit. He did it with Sammy and Adam since forever, but now, with the priest added to the equation this had become something even more addicting. 

The phone started ringing and Jo ran past him to answer it, letting the shotgun fell to the ground. Rufus complained between his teeth and Ellen shouted. “No running inside the house!”

He smiled and someone sat next to him. He could tell who it was even without looking. The man next to him was too tall to be Garth, too young to be Benny. 

“Hi, Gigantor. Enjoying your birthday?”

“A lot. Thanks, Dean.” 

The brothers looked at each other, and it was sad. They knew this was the last one they would spend like this in probably six years. Dean forced a smile upon his lips and Sam did the same. They wouldn't talk about it right now, this was not the moment. So he just patted his brother’s shoulder. Maybe, he was somewhat lucky, before there could be any uncomfortable silence, before Sam could ask him about Cas, Jo opened the door and popped her head out.

“Castiel is on the phone, he wants to talk to you.” 

Dean frowned a bit, what had happened? He considered asking her what Cas wanted, but it would be useless, the priest wouldn't tell her. Sam said, taking a sip of his Coke – Ellen wouldn't let the teenagers anywhere near alcohol today.

“Go ahead, your guardian angel needs you.” He teased and smiled.

For a moment he freezed, what did his brother meant with that? But the idea that Sam knew anything about how he felt about Cas was ridiculous. So, he got up and walked in the Roadhouse. 

“Which phone, kid?”

“Kitchen.” She said before walking out, with a grin in her face that didn't please him.

He entered the kitchen and grabbed the phone. “Cas?”

“Hello, Dean.” There was noise wherever Castiel was, that meant he wasn't at the church. “I’m afraid I need to ask you something.”

“What is it?” He asked, resting his back against the wall. 

“I had a disagreement with Meg. She was rather upset and told me to leave her car.” He sounded upset about it. 

Dean closed his eyes, this just wasn't good. He didn't really want to know what had happened between the two of them. It wasn't any of his matter. “Where are you?”  
“At the truck stop just outside town. I’m not sure how to get there from here.”

“Fuck…” Dean whispered between his teeth. Of all places in Lawrence, she had to drop him right at the truck stop? “Wait me there, Cas. Don’t talk to anyone.”

“Understood.”

“I’ll be there in five.” He hung up and stormed outside really nervous. He didn't want to picture the priest there. That was one of the places with the biggest amount of jerks in town, the only place that were probably more was Crowley’s motel. He entered the impala without giving and explanation to anyone and started driving. The place was near, but he still had to drive unbelievably fast to get there in five minutes. 

He drove around a bit until he finally saw the priest. He was in his usual garment, looking kind of lost. The girls were looking at him and some truckers too. A priest wasn't something they saw a lot. When the Impala parked, Dean leaned over the passenger seat and opened the door, shouting.

“Cas! Get in.”

And the priest came. Entering the car next to him, but when Dean was going to leave a guy knocked on his window. 

He looked up; already ready to send whoever it was to the freaking hell. However, Dean knew the guy, an old client of his, a guy that like a blowjob every time he was in town, a faithful costumer that paid a little more than he should. A guy Dean didn't want to see right now. 

“What do you want, dude?” 

Castiel leaned closer to Dean frowning and when the guy saw him he hurried up to say. “I didn't know you already had a client.” 

“I’m not his client.” The older man replied and the younger felt his jaw tensing. What was he expecting? For Cas to play along? The guy gave a smile and touched Dean’s face.

“So you’re free to come with me, right pretty?”

Dean could have said no. He should have, but his damn pride was injured by how fast had Castiel answered the comment so he the stupidest of things. He smiled to the man and said.

“Sure.”

 

 

He parked just outside the church. He got out of Joshua’s truck, and stretched himself like a cat. Castiel got out of the car almost right after him. Dean had done a small favor for Sammy, letting him have the impala for the night so he could take his friends back home and drop Rachel of in her place. He was enjoying the idea of that spoilt little brat that thought herself above everyone having to seat in a car she’d seen Dean working. Adam got off the car sleepy.

“Dean, I need to talk to you.” Cas was angry, he had been all night. It kind of made Dean smile, because he knew the reason. And it was all Cas’ fault. If he had said he was a client they could have left and everything would be in place.

The young man looked at the priest, smiling. “What is it?”

“I’d rather discuss this matter alone with you.” 

Joshua caught the hint and asked Adam to go inside his house with him. Saying he would make the boy a cup of hot chocolate. The kid seemed kind of reluctant but ended up going anyway. 

“Let’s get inside.” Cas said walking ahead. He unlocked the church’s doors. 

“I always thought the house of the Lord should be opened at all times.” Dean teased getting in right after the priest.

There was no answer from his friend. For a moment, he considered he might have stepped over a bit. He was sure of it when he saw the anger on the priest’s eyes; he was even more sure when the words came out of his mouth.

“Why did you do it?”

“It’s my job.”

His voice was sarcastic and kind of cruel. Not the answer the older man was expecting. The anger was now filling those blue eyes. Castiel's jaw clenched, there was something almost feral about this that made Dean feel a bit aroused. He liked the idea of danger and he liked it even better when it was related to the priest. So, he couldn't really stop himself from saying.

“What’s it, Cas? You forgot I’m a whore?!” His words echoed inside the church, and he just couldn't stop himself from letting more poison out of his mouth. “You forgot that’s what I do for living? I suck cocks and open my legs, and I fucking like it!” He was upset and his shouts were getting louder. Yes, he did what he did, but the last part he had just said it to hurt the priest. And it worked.

“Shut up, Dean.” His voice was huskier and he pushed the younger man, grabbing his lapel tight. Before the Winchester could understand what was happening, his back hit the nearest wall. His hands went for the older man’s shirt and he gripped it tight. This was not something he had expected.

“What the fuck?” The question slipped out of his mouth. 

“I’m aware that you can’t see yourself through my eyes. I've got that. I’m tired of your depreciation! But don’t you lie to me, Dean. I’m aware of how you feel about me.”

“You’re? So why the fuck did you let me got with that jerk.”

“Because I’m priest! I’m not supposed to get too close to the people that need me. I already have enough doubts in my mind for you to use me like an escape exit.”  
“You’re not.”

Dean let his head fall back; the gripping from both parts was now lighter. Their anger was going away and something else was starting to show up. Their gaze was intense and they didn't let go, before he could do anything their lips were brushing and they were kissing. It was a little surprising at first neither of them was expecting to be kissed back, but here they were. There was no experience on the way Cas kissed him, only pure instinct. His six o’clock beard was scratching Dean’s face, but the young man liked it. He took control over it, both of his hands pulling the older man by his shirt, trying to get him closer and closer. The kiss was getting more and more intense; both of them seemed kind of desperate about everything. At some point they had to part for breathe, not without some complains from either side.

The young man gave a half smile and caressed his cheek, running his fingers through the age marks on his skin. Cas looked too old for his age, but Dean looked too. Both had seen a lot more than they should. 

“Wow, that was nice, but you shouldn't kiss someone who just gave another guy a blowjob.”

“You washed your mouth to the point of hurting it back at the Roadhouse.” That made Dean smile, because what a smartass.

“Did you kept that much of a watch on me?”

“I was concerned, Dean.” 

Their foreheads were touching, and Castiel’s hands moved through his shirt. Sneaking inside of his jacket to hold his waist, a firm grip but not enough to hurt. Just like Cas wanted to make sure he was not gonna go anywhere. The green-eyed man’s hands held the older man’s arms feeling the muscles underneath the fabric. He smiled and kissed the priest again, fast and soft. 

“Do you understand me now?” The husky voice of the priest broke the silence. 

“I think I do.” And there was another kiss after those words, this one a bit more intense. Dean got all control he needed, but he almost didn’t mind letting the guy have it – Even if he was pretty sure Cas wouldn’t know what to do with it. They were still kissing, when the sound of the Impala’s engine was heard. They parted once more.

“Sammy’s back.” He whispered letting go of Castiel’s arms.

“Do you have to go now?” The priest had something of a kicked puppy in his eyes; Dean pushed him off just a bit. 

“Sorry, Cas. My brothers have school tomorrow and they are smartasses, they will find out if given the chance.”

The priest looked down and stepped back. Dean had to smile as he gave one last kiss on the older man’s lips before leaving. When he walked out of the building he caught a glimpse of Cas sitting on one of the benches, looking like he was praying. It kind of made him feel bad, who was he to tempt a priest?

But he couldn’t help himself not to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hearing the imaginary crowd screaming Hallelujah."  
> So yeah, Destiel!  
> Hope you guys like this chapter, it's unbetate'd. And this note will be short because I'm going to Jana's Birthday, and I'll be a beatiful Abaddon.   
> THANKS FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS I luv them.  
> Feel free to send your comments, suggestions, point out mistakes and typos, and leave kudos
> 
> Good Night, Nightvale. Good Night.


	10. Chapter 10

He was happy.

It was weird enough when he noticed that. 

It was a Thursday afternoon – one of many – and he was parked outside a youth center. He was lying down on the backseat of the Impala. Cas was in there giving advice to the young people with trouble – he did that every Thursday since they had started – Dating? Was that the right definition for what they had going on? He didn't really want to think about it, he liked the way things were right now. He checked his watch, there were still another ten minutes before the priest got out.   
They were going to have thirty minutes before having to arrive to pick Adam up at his baseball training – Sam had convinced the little one to do something with his afternoons off – and Sam back at his bitch-girlfriend’s house. It was getting harder to avoid meeting her parents (they liked his brother a lot, and were anxious to meet Dean), and he and Benny still hadn't found a way to get rid of her. He didn't want to mention it to Cas just now, he already knew how the priest would react. His – Date? Lover? Boyfriend? Thing? – had made clear that he believed Dean should tell his brothers the truth. 

It was hard to make him understand that he couldn't just tell Sammy and Adam about it. Not until he had a way to make money that didn't necessarily spin around how pretty he was, because to the priest things were going on almost like a teenage dream. Sometimes Dean had to bring them both back to reality – They couldn't hold hands, hug or even act a little more intimate in public. If anyone suspected it, they would both be damned.

There was not even one moment where he forgot what he was and who he was dating: The priest and the Whore. It almost sounded like one of those cheap romance novels Phil – the dinner’s owner – liked to read. Before he could go on with his thoughts “Eye of the Tiger” started playing on the radio. Just for the sake of fun he started to play air drum. He followed the intro, and sang along with the beginning of the music. 

“Rising up, back on the street…” He sang. Dean hadn't been that happy or acted that goofy since John had left. He was living a teenage dream.

But dreams always end.

He was distracted by the music when someone hit the window a few times. The young man stopped what he was doing to look at who was there. Dean was not that happy when he saw Crowley standing there. The last person he wanted to see right now. The man gave him a look the young man understood and drove him to open the car’s window. 

“What do you want, Crowley?” He tried not to sound too harsh; he didn't want to pick up a fight right now. He just wanted the older man out before Castiel got back.  
“I was just walking around, doing some business transactions when I saw a 67 Impala. They are not that common, are they?” 

“Don’t think so.”

“What are you doing here?” The man’s accent was starting to get Dean angry.

“I’m here to pick up a friend. He needed a ride.” 

“I thought I had seen Mister Lafitte at the Station talking to Sheriff Mills.” His tone of voice was much like he was talking about the weather, but Dean could see the trap he was walking in. But if he refused to continue the subject Crowley would just stay longer and see Cas.

“It’s not Benny.”

And that caught the son of a bitch’s attention. “And who it is?”

“The priest.”

Let he be damned but the Scottish actually looked surprised by it. “Oh, so you and the priest are…?”

“Friends.” The Winchester didn't even blink before saying it. No way in hell he was going to let his boss find out about his relationship. “I know the rules.”  
He was nervous and that obviously made Crowley like this situation even more. He was such a sadistic motherfucker; he actually had a hard time believing he could have been dumb enough to go back to work for him. 

“Good. So, Squirrel, I think I might have got you a client that’s willing to pay a lot.” He gave emphasis to it, smiling like the snake he was. 

“But what does he wants? Nothing is for free. Especially not in our business.” 

“He wants you pretty in pink… A good little girl.” Those words were whispered so only the two of them would hear.

A shiver went down Dean’s spine. This obviously brought Alistair’s memories. He felt tempted to say ‘No’ if he did, the Scottish wouldn't force him. Mostly because it would qualify as rape, and he didn't want a spot on his – surprisingly - clean record.

“Are you in?”

“I’ll think about it.” It was his answer; he wanted to get rid of the man fast. Crowley had already fucked his day, he didn't need any more of this crap. 

“I have until 5 pm to call me and tell your answer. If you accept, I’ll get everything you need. Back up team and all…” He didn't seem to care and Dean was kind of just wanting him to go away. He needed to think and seeing that smug smile on the older man’s face only made him more disgusted. The young man stayed silent and Crowley finally walked off. 

By the time Cas got out, he was lying on his back on the backseat. His mood completely changed, thinking about how much was he willing to give in. His green eyes didn't even capture when the priest entered the car. 

“What’s tormenting you, Dean?”

He sat up but stayed silent. The Winchester kind of decided not to talk about his job with Castiel, he knew how much the older man was hurt by the fact he would leave to work almost every night. And that this ‘work’ was having sex with strangers. His Johns and Janes didn't matter to Dean, but they did to the other man. Cas didn't have any experience – sexually speaking – so he was insecure. He still didn't get that to Dean, sex was not that much of a big deal.   
“Just… I might have to work tonight.” He said before getting out and back on the driver’s seat.

“Oh, I see. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“You know I don’t want to get you too involved.” 

“I’m already in this.” And those words warmed the Winchester’s heart more than they should.

 

He loved how Cas would let him have the control he needed, but was there when he needed someone to make him feel good. Like in that moment, when they were making out like two horny teenagers in the backseat of the Impala, parked on a spot near the baseball camp. Hidden enough so no parent would find the priest and the Winchester. 

Castiel's hands were inside his t-shirt, rubbing his back and the sides of his body. Dean was sitting on his lap, one leg in each side, pressing their crotches together. Enjoying the friction of his jeans. Most moans and gasps were caught up by the rough and hard kiss. The younger man's hands were holding the back of the priest's neck. If it was up to Dean, they could stay doing this the rest of their days. He moved a bit more, pressing his hips against Cas', and the older man parted to gasp for air. The Winchester had to smile, his date - even if he didn't like that definition very much - was one fine hot mess. He stood there, looking at how perfect Castiel was for a while. It actually took him a while to notice Cas was staring back, and this made the younger man blush.

"I think I should go pick Adam up and give you some time to go back to normal." He teased, kissing the priest really fast one more time. They were being too freaking lovey-dovey for his own taste.

"Understood." The older man whispered, removing his hands from underneath Dean's t-shirt.

The Winchester left the car, taking a deep breath. Looking down for a second, only to verify the obvious, that he was hard. He needed to get his cock down before he would show up in his younger brother training. It would be too freaking embarrassing, especially if Adam saw Castiel. He closed his eyes and pictured all sorts of mood killers: His father drunk and hitting them, Adam asking about Kate, Sam asking about Mom... Mary's grave... And before he could stop his mind, Alistair's laugh found it's way to his mind. 

The green eyes popped open, and he was terrified. Fucking Christ. Why couldn't his past leave him the fuck alone? Dean took a deep breath. At least the mood was killed, and his dick was no longer hard. The young man put his hands and walked towards the baseball field, crossing the parking lot - filled with a few family cars - and he entered the place. His eyes scanned the field for a while until he found his baby brother near the fence, smiling and talking to another boy. Dean ended up smiling, it was priceless to see Adam like that. It was one of the few times Dean knew he was better in raising his brother's than his father. When the youngest of the Winchester's saw him there, the kid waved excited before running to where his brother was.

"Dean! You won't believe! I made home run!" 

The older Winchester opened the biggest smile he could and removed the cape so he could mess up with that blonde hair, laughing. "That's great, kid!"

"Can we go and have some ice cream before we pick Sam up?" His request was so innocent as they waved to the coach and walked side by side. Dean wanted to say yes, but they were already late, and Cas had to be at the church for the confession time. 

"No deal. Maybe tomorrow?" 

Adam looked down annoyed, again. Dean took a deep breath when he walked his brother back to the Impala.

"Why did he have to come?"

The older Winchester wasn't sure what to say, not like he could say the truth : Because he is my fucking date and we were making out until five minutes ago. Even if his younger brother was in need of a dose of truth. 

"He needed a ride, and I was going back to the church anyway."

"Yeah, sure."

 

 

He was stupid.

Dean should’ve seen this coming. He should've better after all these years doing this. 

Crowley had set a trap and he had willingly walked in it.

He was on his knees, his face pressed against the sheets, not a comfortable position, but it had been what the client had asked. The man was an old, probably in his late sixties, wearing an expensive suit. Dean had spotted him in the Sunday mass more than once. Fat and with a pig face, with a wife that looked like a horse. Everything about him was gross, and Dean hated the idea of having him inside his body. Nevertheless, that’s what he’d been paid for. The young man was prepping himself, three fingers in, covered with lube down to the knuckles. Moving them fast and deep, hitting his prostrate in a vain attempt to make it better.

His moans were fake; all to make the client think Dean wanted him. From his position he couldn’t see the guy, but the grunts already made him feel sick. He had been forced (paid actually) to wear a cheerleader uniform in order to play the right role in the dude’s fantasy, all of it humiliating. He only wanted to kick the guy’s balls and leave. However, he had a job to do – And right now, his job was to beg.

“Please…” The words went out of his mouth and only made him hate the whole thing even more. Dean could deal with a lot of things, but he felt like the worse kind of whore when he begged. 

“What do you want, you pretty little girl?” The guy couldn't keep his mouth shut.

“I need you…” He moaned by the end of the sentence, trying to stay in character. He considered this a role, like he was an actor.

“You need me to do what? Spill it, girl.” The client’s voice came from somewhere closer than expected and the young man shivered.

“I want you to fuck me, Daddy. Please.”

He said, trying to stay focused. He would have a hard time looking at himself in the mirror after this. He removed his fingers from his hole and used the now free arm to help with support. The man made a sound that had some resemblance with a laugh, and then kneeled behind him. Dean could hear as the man unzipped his pants and opened the condom. The Winchester took a deep breath trying too hard to be relaxed.

The guy thrust all in at once.

But he did something else too, he took advantage of the moment when Dean was trying to keep himself from showing any sign of ache (With his eyes closed and his attention focused on someplace else) to wrap a tie around the young man’s neck and pull it. Damn near suffocating him. Dean opened his eyes in panic.

No.

No no no no no. 

This couldn't be. He couldn't. FuckFuckFuck.

He couldn't push the guy off, who was thrusting hard and pulling the tie in a way that made his vision starting to get black on the edge. He was big and was using all his strength to push Dean down. He thought about screaming but his voice wouldn't come out.

And the memories all came back at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello kiddos, so this chapter is so little because when I finished writing it I realized it would be too freaking big, so I parted in 2 parts, and this was the smaller one. Because of my love for cliffhangers. (the whole make-out in the backseat than pick Adam up was written when I was posting it, because it was too fucking short)
> 
> Me and Jana are not having the nicest moment of our lives right now, but I promise the only thing would keep my from posting would be death!   
> Now, no kidding, I might get a bit behind my schedule, but I hope you guys keep up with me.   
> Especially now that S9 has premiered!
> 
> As always, THANKS FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS (Jana answered them for me)  
> Feel free to leave suggestions, kudos, point out mistakes and stuff.
> 
> Kissus  
> See ya soon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi: This continues exactly were last one stopped. So, it begins with the memories.  
> Just pointing out so no one get's confused.

_He had a chain around his neck and Alistair held it, pulling him towards the light. Dean didn’t wanna go… There were people in the dark corners, people here to see a show._

_And Dean was the star._

_He was dragged to the intended spot and his “client” – that was more like his owner right now – sat on an armchair. Dean was scared and felt pathetic. He was crying – the older man had broken him enough for him not to care anymore – but hard. Nevertheless, the anal plug in his ass hitting his prostrate. He was kneeling and the thing made him move trying to get some pressure on the spot._

_“My little bitch…” Alistair’s voice pierced the silence of the cold basement._

_The young man turned his gaze up, afraid of what the older man might ask._

_“Let’s put this cocksucking mouth of yours to good use.”_

_He should’ve looked terrified, because the client laughed and ordered._

_“There are a bunch of friends here, they need your help, and do you want to help them, Dean?”_

_The green-eyed boy nodded – if he said no, Alistair would make him go home with the anal plug. Make him stay with it until the next time he came to work, tomorrow night. And he was terrified by that idea. He crawled to the center, opening his mouth. Alistair tugged his chain and Dean had a hard time staying on his knees. One guy stepped ahead and blindfolded the young man._

_And for a long time (he couldn't tell how much) he was used as a cum dump by different men. He had to swallow all of it and when he couldn’t anymore, it would drip down his chin and fall on his chest._

_He could deal with the humiliation; he had become used to it by now. Until his chain was pulled enough to start suffocating him… If he could only rest on his heels it would be okay. But the guy was keeping him in place, pulling his hair enough for it to hurt._

_Dean started to get desperate; his hands went for the guy’s pants pulling it to see if he understood he had to stop._

_And they only laughed._

He didn't even notice when the client was finished. 

The man growled and fell over him. Dean closed his eyes, thanking that this was over and noticing tears had started falling down his face. The man kissed his shoulder and whispered. “Thank you.”

Dean couldn't say a word, he only hid his face on the pillow, the man was out in no time and left the room. The young man waited until the door was closed to sob desperate as his body started shaking. He knew he shouldn't be like this, the guy would probably pay more for it. And if he didn't the Winchester could go and tell Crowley about it, and the man would find a way to make him pay, but this wouldn't make the memories of Alistair stop hunting him, they terrified the young man. They were the real reason behind this. 

After a while he managed to run to the bathroom to throw up, his body was cold and he assumed he looked pathetic. Because he was a man wearing cheerleader’s clothing shaking and sweating, looking like he had just seen a ghost. Dean practically ripped apart the hated costume, throwing it as far as he could, closing his eyes and sitting naked on the floor with his back against the tile wall. He couldn't work anymore, but he could barely consider going back home, either. Everything made him sick, everything would bring the memories back. 

After almost twenty minutes regaining his control, he stumbled back to the room and sat on the bed. His instincts drove him to pick up the phone and at first he found himself calling Bobby. The man didn't answer though, he couldn't – he was in Japan, he couldn't come to Dean’s aid… So he called the only other person he knew would come and not ask a bunch of questions: Joshua.

It took the old man long to answer the phone, Dean was almost giving up by then. “Hello.”

“Joshua.” The young man whispered looking down.

“What’s it, Dean?” The older man asked, sounding less sleepy and certainly concerned.

“Can you come and pick me up? I don’t think I can work or drive, like this.” He felt beyond reason, holding the phone like it was the only thing to keep him safe. The only thing that could keep Alistair away.

“Sure, boy. You’re at Crowley’s motel?”

“Yeah. I’ll wait by the entrance, okay?” 

“Yes. I’ll be there soon.” 

And he hung up. Dean let go of the phone, and hid his face on his hands. It took him a while to get up and dress. His neck was sore, and there were some bruises. But most of the damage was inside his mind. He left the room and walked to the reception, kind of glad no one was around. He’d hate if anyone saw him like this, stumbling, crying and inspiring pity. Crowley was at the reception reading a book with his dog lying near him – as always.

“I’ll send someone to clean it up before the next client.” He said, not even bothering to look at Dean.

“There won’t be anyone else tonight.” 

The older man’s face seemed torn between surprise and anger. “What did you said?”

“I’m finished for tonight.” Dean tried to sound as secure and serious as he could. Sons of bitches like Crowley could smell fear, he wouldn't show any sign of how bad he was right now. He would not give the asshole this leverage.

“Why makes you think I’d let that?”

“Nothing, but I’ll do it anyway.”

“I could fire you.”

“You won’t.” 

They stayed in silence staring down at each other. The dog had woken up and was staring the young man, like he wasn't sure what to do. But before anything would happen there was a horn outside, Joshua was outside. He walked out of it, going straight to the car and entering in the backseat, lying down.

“Thanks, Joshua.”

“No need to worry.” The older man said, pulling the door which he entered through close and beginning to drive. “I asked Castiel to pick the Impala up so you wouldn't have to come by tomorrow.”

The young man didn't want to think about the priest right now. He didn't feel deserving of the priest’s touch or affection. He was nothing but a hooker with a troubled past. Joshua had some Beatles cover on his radio, and that actually made Dean feel less worried. His mom loved them, she would sing “Hey, Jude” for him to sleep, when she was alive. It might not have been for long, but the songs had made quite an impression on him. “Sorry…”

“What are you sorry for?” The older man asked, not turning back to see the pathetic tears that were still rolling down the young man’s face. 

“All this. You didn't need to come. It was just-“

“You don’t dare finishing that sentence, kid.” He didn't sound angry or upset, as Bobby usually did. The driver took a deep breath, and for those few moments of silence Dean could hear the sound of the Impala’s engine. “You see, Dean, I have a daughter, but I wasn't there when she needed; I did not help her through her problems… She didn't thought I could understand her. I couldn't help her and she left me… After almost sixteen years by myself, when I had given up on everything, you boys showed up asking for a place to stay. So call me cheesy, but I believe God gave a second chance. If I could help your troubled souls, maybe she’d see and come back to me.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Dean had sat back when he heard those words. He had never figured Joshua was troubled, he had never heard of this daughter of his. And in some sort of way, Dean felt honored. The older man wasn't rubbing all the help he gave on Dean’s face. Just sort of making this feel more personal.

“Because it was time I told someone about it.”

They fell back into silence, by the time they parked outside of the church, the young man asked. “Can I please stay the night at your place? I don’t think I’m ready to see any of their faces.”

“As you wish, kid.”

Dean was kind of glad he had Joshua to back him up on this.

 

 

It was around three in the afternoon when he finally grew the courage to leave the room. His brothers had dropped by before going to school and wished him to get better – Cas had told them he was sick. He had to remember thanking the priest when he had the strength to face him. It was over reacting he knew it. But right now, he was allowing himself to over react. His brothers had only pretended to buy the lie. They could see the bruising in his neck.

He walked to the kitchen and prepared coffee. His night had been filled with nightmares, and he had woken up damp with sweat. Dean sat back in one of the chairs and picked up the newspaper. He didn't like the way government was dealing with what had happened last year, America looked like some sort of avenger on a quest to find the ones he blamed for what had happened. Too much like John Winchester.

He closed it and let it back on the table. 

Dean went up to pick the coffee, and was standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, when Cas entered the house talking.  
“Joshua, about the Summer Carnival…” He stopped what he was saying when his eyes found Dean. “I’m sorry.”

The Winchester forced a smile to his lips. “No need to be.” His voice was still a bit hoarse from yesterday. He avoided looking at the priest, he felt like a broken thing and now that Castiel might see how damaged he was he might want to throw it away. 

The older man seemed slightly uncertain before stepping closer. Dean didn't take a step back, mostly because Castiel wasn't even in his personal space yet. The young man finished his coffee before taking a step closer too. They were still kind of far, but that was a hint that he was okay with the priest’s presence. Or was trying to be at least.

Castiel’s steps towards him were unsure, but he ended up staying in front of Dean. Too damn close, but he had never been someone that understood personal space very well. It had bothered the Winchester in the beginning how Cas didn’t seem to be able to stop himself from staring at Dean, like the young man was so freaking work of art. Their eyes met, and he could see how much care and worry were there. There was no curiosity, no judgment and no request for explanation. That made him very happy. He didn’t want Cas to know what he had been through, that would change the way the dark-haired looked at him.

Dean rested his forehead against the shorter man’s. The silence continued, until Cas’ hands dared enough to held his. The younger one closed his eyes and let go a breath he didn’t know he was keeping. “We should go to the room.” The huskier voice of the man in front of him broke the silence, and the green eyes popped open scared.

“I do not mean we should have sex yet. Is just, I want to be free to hold you, and I can’t do that here.”

Because someone could walk in anytime.

He nodded and they walked back to the room Dean had used, still holding hands. The young man knew he should be more bothered about this, but when he turned back to tell the older man that, there was something in the blue eyes that made him feel guilty. So much worry, so much guilt. And he had no reason to feel like this. Dean was the broken one; he was the one with a defect. The priest was perfect, he was a good man. 

“Sorry…” He whispered looking down. 

He couldn't see his face, but the older man pushed him into the room. “You don’t need to say you’re sorry. It’s not your fault, Dean.”

“That’s what you say.” The young man whispered, before sitting on the bed. He couldn’t expect him to understand that, he’d probably never made a misjudgment in life. 

“No. That’s the truth.” He sat next to the young man. 

The green eyes went to for the figure next to him, and his hand touched Castiel’s neck. Pulling the white thingy – he didn't know the name and he wasn't very interested in knowing – off. Just because he was seeing a priest, it didn't mean he wanted to be reminded of that. The older man’s hands touched his face, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. Dean closed his eyes, it felt good. The touch was light, caring and almost… loving. If someone could love a broken thing like Dean, that person was Castiel. 

The young man relaxed and took a deep breath. Before his hands rested over the priest’s shoulders. Castiel got closer and their knees touched, it was weird how he was aware of every touch. Not in the bad sense, only enough for him to like it. One of Cas’ hands ran from his cheek to his hair, massaging the back of Dean’s head. The young man leaned in closer, feeling the warm body against his. And as weird and as pathetic as it might seem, he felt protected. Safe, even. 

And before he could stop himself, he was crying. Not sobbing, not desperate. Only letting the tears roll down his face, and hiding his face on older man’s shirt. He didn’t say a thing, only stayed there giving the support he needed right now. He pulled Dean closer, holding him. And the boy let himself be hugged. 

When the tears finally stopped, the young man looked up. They stared down at each other for a few moments, before it became all too obvious and they only kissed. Slowly and carefully, like it was the first, but something made all their kisses look like the first one. In a good sense of the term, not like awkward first kiss… More like one both parts had been hoping for a long while. 

Dean changed his position letting one of his feet rest on bed, so Castiel would stay between his legs. The priest didn't take advantage of it, the young man doubted he knew he could do something like that. Cas only turned to face him, his chest pressing against the Winchester’s, his hands running down to the lower part of his back. The kiss didn't grow hungrier. There was a lot of control happening there, like he was afraid that any rougher act might trigger something. They hadn't even had sex yet because the older man wanted to be sure first. 

They parted the kiss, and rested both of their foreheads together. 

Castiel’s breathing was uneven, and he looked like a lion trying to control himself. 

“Don’t need to be so cautious… I can handle it.”

That, as many things Dean said, seemed to make the priest disappointed. He only gave one kiss, soft one. Caressing his face, tracing all the freckles and actually smiling. “I don’t think we’re ready yet, but I appreciate you consider me deserving.”

Dean considered saying that it didn't actually took a lot for him to let someone fuck him, but even him could tell this would be offensive. So he only rolled his eyes and pushed Castiel’s face away, laughing.

“You’re one cheesy dude, you know that?”

“And why is talking what I think considered cheesy?”

The Winchester only smiled and kissed the older man one more time. He really was happy, and he was afraid, because whenever he was happy, something bad would happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Kiddos!  
> I'm kind of dizzy because I spent the last days writing 5 pages of smut ( Which you guys will be seeing in chapter 14)   
> Cas' chapter will be 15.  
> AND DEAN WAS FUCKING GOING TO SAY 'I LOVE YOU' ON 08X17  
> Sorry for this,   
> This chapter is actually the reason why we put rape/non-con, Jana thinks(and I agree) that the scene with Alistair and the client counts)  
> These scenes are beta'd, Jana did it in my notebook.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR THE KUDOS.  
> FEEL FREE TO LEAVE COMMENTS, POINT OUT TYPOS AND MISTAKES.  
> Kissus  
> See ya


	12. Chapter 12

Dean was pushed against the wall, feeling excited by the clumsy kiss. He wanted to laugh, because that was so Cas. No other twenty seven year old man would get this happy just because he had been able to marry someone and actually hope for the love, to feel proud of what he was doing. The way he chose to celebrate it? Kissing the hell out of Dean while they’re hiding in what should be the janitor’s closet. The whole idea of hiding in the closet made him happy. 

They were too much like dorky teenagers for their own good. Anyone could enter and find them there, but still neither of them seemed to give a fuck about it. The younger man’s hands traveled to Cas’ hair, tangling themselves into it. At some point they parted, and Dean couldn't do anything but smile goofy and mess a bit more with Cas’ hair. Everything on the priest’s appearance just screamed ‘I've just been kissed!’ and that made it all funnier. There was desire and happiness in Cas’ face, and it made the young man feel amazing just by knowing he was the reason behind it. Even if he didn't deserve all of this.

“Fuck, Cas… I have to work, man.” He whispered, his smile growing cocky. 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I just felt the need…”

Dean rolled his eyes, sometimes he forgot Castiel was unable to get when someone was being ironic or making a joke. He didn't really mind, it was one of those things that made the older man special and lovable. 

“Cas, shut up. I was joking; I’d rather be with you.”

There was no smile with the lips, but happiness was so evident Dean could help to feel a bit dizzy.

However, there was no more time for being all lovey-dovey; he could hear Benny calling him from outside. He kissed Castiel one last time before getting out of the closet – this was a paradox he was trying hard not to make a joke with himself. He walked outside to find the older man looking a bit annoyed. 

“Where were you, little bro?” 

“Checking something with Cas…”

“Yeah. I can imagine.” The way he spoke told Dean that Lafitte hadn’t bought his shit. “Let’s go, there are some trees in the back that need to have some branches cut.”

Dean didn't talk about Cas anymore, if Benny had decided not to see, he wasn't going to be pushing his luck. 

 

 

Both men were sitting side by side on the grass. They had just finished the task, and were resting out a bit before going back to the church.

“She’s a nasty one, little Bro.” Benny said, resting his back against the tree.

Dean frowned. “Who?”

“Sam’s girl, the one you asked me to check. Rachel, what was her last name? Nave?”

“Oh, yeah. The bitch.”

“You have to stop calling every woman you dislike that, Dean.”

“Shut up, Benny. So, what did you find out about her?”

“Her parents come to the church every Sunday, two homophobic and racist idiots. Nothing new, right?” Most kids in town had parents like that. It was not like he was surprised by that. “Her dad doesn't seem to visit the truck stop or the motel. Her grudge must come from somewhere else.”

“Any idea of how we can get rid of her?” He had some plans, but most of them had been discarded by his friend. Benny said they didn't need to give her more blackmail material.

“Not yet.”

This was not good. Soon he wouldn't be able to avoid seeing her and/or her parents, and she would finally start her thing. Because, even if she hadn't done anything till now, he _knew_ she would. It was only a matter of opening a path for her to follow. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think. “We have to find a way out.” 

“Why don’t you tell Sam? Someday he’ll find out.”

He didn't answer, only looked away biting his lower lip. Dean didn't want to fight with Benny, not now at least. However, of all people his friend should know that Dean couldn't talk about it with anyone, especially not with Sammy.

“I’m only saying you told Castiel, and you've known him for less than a year.”

“But Cas is different, dude.” 

“Why?”

Dean couldn't explain, the older man wouldn't understand. It was something that was driving him to trust Cas, to believe he could trust the man. It wasn't only the feelings, or the romance, it would be pathetic if he said it was only because of that, and it would a lie. There was so much more in trusting Cas, so much more in being around him. It was just that Dean knew he would be judged or pitied.

“Because it’s Cas.”

 

 

Everyone was trying to fuck his life, and right now he was seriously considering hitting a girl. Something he would never do in his life, especially not a teenager girl. However, Sam’s girlfriend was far from someone he could consider innocent and helpless. Especially after she had joined him in Joshua’s kitchen, and whispered.

“I have a friend who’s such a virgin. Perhaps you could give him a hand?”

Just the way she spoke made him sick. He shoot an angry glance towards her, and the girl only smiled openly.

“What? Isn't that what whores are supposed to do?”

It took all of his self-control not to answer her. If he answered, he was letting her know she could get under his skin. He only continued doing the dishes, making a mental note to find an excuse for Sam not to bring her over to lunch ever again. It was too risky, even if Cas and Benny were around. She had obviously disliked the idea that this was Joshua’s house and that the older man had more money than her boyfriend’s family. That was a good explanation; Sam wouldn't want to hurt Joshua. 

Before she could continue to throw her poison on him, Castiel entered the kitchen, and said with his apparently apathetic tone. “Sam is calling you, Rachel.”

“Thanks, Padre.” She smiled, playing her role of a good Christian girl, but she walked out of the kitchen. 

After he was sure she wasn't going to hear what he said, the young man whispered “Bitch”. And pressed his knuckles against the counter until they turned white. If he could punch her, this was the strength he’d use. Cas stood next to him, quiet in the beginning. Until he whispered too.

“She knows.” He wasn't asking, he knew that the only reason he would have one of those full body reactions was when someone really had made him really angry. Since there was only two paths for that, and Rachel wasn't treating Sam or Adam’s lives. The only possible explanation was that she knew. 

“Yeah, she does.” He said, looking down and continuing to wash the dishes. 

A hand was pressed against the lower part of his back, and a thumb caressed his skin. Trying to be reassuring. He was glad that they need to talk to get things straight; having heart to heart talks was never part of Dean’s specialties. 

They stayed in silence for a while, until Cas whispered.

“Perhaps you could stop working with this.”

The younger man turned to him frowning, what he meant with that? The priest was looking down, probably afraid of the reaction he was going to get.

“What, Cas?”

“I…” He took a deep breath before turning his blue eyes up, so they would meet the greens. “I’m asking. No, I’m begging you to stop, Dean.”

“Why? Are you jealous Castiel?”

There was anger in his voice and surprise on the priest’s face. “No. I’m worried about you.”

Again the whole ‘I’m worried about you talk.’ He didn’t need anyone worried with him, he was not some helpless teenager, he knew what he was doing. 

Dean had to control himself so his voice would continue low. “What I’m I supposed to do? Not everyone has a wealthy brother that sends money every month.” He was being unnecessarily aggressive, he knew that, but he was so pissed he couldn't help it.

“I already offered to help you paying. You refused it.” Cas was starting to sound angry too, and was obviously having a hard time keeping his voice low.

“Because I don’t want to feel like you’re another paying for my affection.”

“I won’t be. I’m doing this to help you because I care about you, because I see how much this job breaks you. Because I’m afraid that someday something really bad happens and I can’t do anything.”

Dean wanted to say that something bad had already happened. That he had already been broken beyond repair, but he couldn't. Cas couldn't know that. He had come from an ordinary family; he didn't know why Dean didn't have any other option. Dean was the one with no education, no perspective. 

“I can’t, Cas. Sorry.” 

Again, there was a profound disappointment in the blue eyes. He felt worse when he realized he was never going to be the man Cas expected him to be. They were still whispering to each other when a different voice broke the silence.

“You two.” They were surprised when Adam said that. Neither had seen the boy coming.

The older man’s hand was finally removed from his back. A quick and worried movement, but it was obvious that Adam had seen it. 

“We’re going there in a second.” Cas said trying to sound confident enough. 

Off course he failed and the boy rolled his eyes and walked back. Dean bit his lower lip, this was not something good. Adam was too damn smart for his own sake. He might end up finding out that Dean and Cas were more than friends. 

And he wasn't sure if that was something he could deal anyone yet, or ever.

“We can continue this talk at some other time. If you’re okay with that.”

He sighed and nodded, before walking away. He knew he was lying, but what could he do? This was the one subject he couldn't avoid, but would still try the hardest to. 

 

 

He parked outside the Roadhouse. The place was almost at its closing time, there were some clients left of course. Dean sighed and turned off the engine. He had brought the money to Ellen, so she could deposit it in his account. He had worked hard to keep it hidden for these days, because Crowley had given it in cash not deposit. This was his little pathetic revenge. He carried the bag outside walking towards the place with quick footsteps. If he was lucky enough, he might get back home in time to eat something with Cas. 

The Winchester entered through the back door, to find Ellen doing the dishes and listening to those romantic songs she liked so much. Right now it was ‘Consequences of Falling’.

“Really, Ellen?”

She was surprised by his voice and turned to where the young man was. “What are you doing here, boy?” Ellen put her hands on her hips, with one eyebrow arched.  
He frowned; there weren't many reasons why he would show up at this time in the night. Dean raised the bag on his hands, making a face to her. She looked even more confused and surprised. 

“What is that?” 

“Money?” His voice was ironic.

Ellen walked towards him, and touched his arm. “I've already received the money.”

It was his turn to be concerned and confused, how could this be? Who could have given her the money? He wanted to ask that, but he sudden realized he knew who it had been: Castiel. 

“Why did you take his money, Ellen?” He asked already angry.

“Don’t talk to me like that, Dean. I've only done what I thought it was the right thing, and so did him.”

“I trusted you!” He was just so furious with all this, why had Cas done this? Especially after he asked him not to do it? 

She was about to answer him, when a sleepy Jo showed up in the kitchen door. “Mom, the last clients have-” The girl stopped whatever she was saying. “Dean? What are you doing here?” 

He didn't answer; Dean only turned around and walked out of the place. He would not scream with Ellen while her daughter was there. However, the priest was going to face the consequences of his choices. The young man felt like a whore, like he was being paid for his affection. 

Well, if Cas was paying him. He might as well give the guy what he had bought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, boys and girls!
> 
> Good news, I loved writing Cas' Pov chapter so there will be more.  
> Jana is back in the beta job on the 14. Which is great!
> 
> I really hope you guys are liking this story.
> 
> Things are going to start getting on track. Because things don't end with their relationship settling, there's still a long road ahead.
> 
> THANKS FOR THE KUDOS, COMMENTS AND BOOKMARKS
> 
> As always, feel free to leave comments, point out mystakes and typos.
> 
> Kissus.  
> See ya soon!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone knows, Dean...

He was so fucking angry right now. 

Dean drove to the church like he was driving to stop the apocalypse. Fast, furious and listening to some metal. He had to have a deep talk with Cas, he was… So miserable and angry. Why he thought this would be different? He would always be treated as someone who needed some sugar daddy to protect him. He knew that part of his rage was not logical, but he didn't give a fuck right now. If the priest was seeing him as a whore, he would be one. Dean parked the Impala right outside of the church’s entrance. Usually he would mind making noise, but not today. 

Cas appeared on the door, looking confused. Dean left the car, closing the door behind him with. 

“Is there a -” Before he could even finish the sentence, the Winchester was kissing him.

It was intense, and even if he didn't usually kissed clients – Because right now he wasn't thinking about the priest as his lover, but his client - this one had paid a lot, so he deserved everything. The kiss was intense and obviously he was kissed back, Castiel wasn't suspecting what this really meant. Dean kind of felt bad, but he couldn't give himself the right to be kind or comprehensive. 

They continued kissing for a while, until the priest pushed him off a bit. “Dean…” 

He couldn't let Cas speak, when he did the younger man felt bad about what he was going to do. “Let’s go to your room, I have things to show you.” He sounded a bit too seductive, but the older man didn't seem to mind. 

Cas gulped and held his hand, pulling Dean to his room. He was like a teenager taking a date to their room for the first time.

Dean already regretted it. He couldn't, not Cas, the guy was a virgin. He trusted Dean, but the Winchester had trusted him too. The young man ended up stopping in the middle of the church, pulling his hand back. If he was fighting Cas, he was fighting Cas. Not little pathetic revenges, no need to do _this_. 

“What was it? Have I done something bad?” 

He took a deep breath before answering, not to calm himself down, just to make sure he wasn’t going to regret any of the words that came out of his mouth. 

“Yes.” 

That broke the man in front of him, he seemed surprised and hurt. “What was it?” 

“Couldn't you respect my decision, Cas? I told you I don’t want your money, but still when I got to Ellen’s today, there it was the fucking money!” His voice became louder as his spoke, he was only getting angrier, every time he thought about what had happened he only grew angrier. 

Castiel looked down, he didn't try to defend himself. He was guilty or he believed he was. “Dean… I was only trying to help…” 

“I don’t need your charity, Castiel! I like you but I don’t want you paying for anything. I want you to fucking respect my decisions.” 

“But your decisions are hurting you.” 

“Let me get hurt, it’s my fucking life. Who gives a damn?!” 

His words were hurting both of them, he knew that. And, right now, that’s what he wanted. He wanted to show Cas things were not perfect, that he was not some princess needing a prince to save them.

“Do you even listen to yourself, Dean?” Cas sounded hopeless, just so disappointed and tired. “You don’t think you deserve anyone to take care of you.” 

“I can’t, you don’t get. You never had to take care of anyone, I’m only your way to relief your guilt for having an apple pie life-”

“Stop!” The older man’s voice echoed through the church, he sounded genuinely upset. “Don’t speak of things you don’t know, Dean.” He turned his back to Dean, moving his fingers into a fist. 

“The same goes for you, Castiel.” His voice was awfully cold, he could barely recognize himself. What was he doing? He’d never meant to hurt Cas, he only wanted for the older man to understand he was seeing a freaking whore. That this was the only thing Dean was good at, the only thing he could do to protect his brothers, to provide for them. 

Not even for a moment the young man had planned to see Castiel walking away, after whispering. “Please, don’t talk to me, Dean”

He was numb when he walked back to the trailer, it was only until he was under his sheets, hearing Sam’s and Adam’s breathing, he realized how stupid he had been. 

How he had once again fucked up things.

 

 

Of course regretting means nothing when you can’t bring yourself to say you’re sorry.

Not saying he didn't want it. It was just… The priest seemed to be doing so well without him. He was talking a lot to Marv and some other members of the congregation. To Dean, in the other hand, he hadn't spoken a word, and that crushed the young man. Maybe that was for the best, they hadn't been together even for a month and the Winchester was always screwing things up. 

At least he and Benny were finally getting to a plan to get rid of Rachel. There were still a lot of things they needed to get into place, but if he could get rid of her things would be ten times better. 

“Dean, are you listening to me?” Sam called and Dean was dragged back to reality. 

“Yeah, sure.” He answered flipping the burgers for his brothers’ dinner.

Sam didn't seem to buy it, the older one could hear his brother sighing and turning the page of whatever he was reading. Dean was spending the night at home, he would only leave to the truck stop after his brothers were asleep. He was suspecting they were suspecting, and this just was not good. 

“So, how was school?” He asked, even if he knew this was a stupid question.

“Good, it’s ending. My finals are just around the corner and I promised I’d help Jess with some subjects she’s having trouble.” 

“Yeah, you mentioned she’s going to Stanford too, isn't she?” He remembered something like that being said once, and he knew that Sammy liked when he remembered things mentioned a long ago. He enjoyed knowing Dean paid attention to whatever he was saying, that he remembered. Like parents usually did. 

“Yes. She’s planning on going to Med School there.” Dean could hear the smile in his little brother’s voice. “The good thing is that I’ll have at least one friend there already, so it’s one thing less to worry.” 

“She’s cute; perhaps that friendship of yours could turn into something-”

“Don’t even start with that talk, Dean. You know I have Rachel.” Alright, now he managed to get Sam angry too, he was freaking relationship genius.

“My bad. And you, Adam, how are things going?”

The youngest one of them was sitting in the table, doing his homework –or at least that was what he supposed to be doing. “The same.” He didn't sound excited by anything in the last couple of days, like nothing could get him happy. It only made Dean feel that he had done something bad. He had to help them; he was responsible for his brothers - Even if he was terrible in everything he did.

“Have you and Castiel argued?” Sam asked after a while, when Dean was putting the food in front of them. 

“Why do you say that?” He became nervous, could he have been that transparent? He didn't want to bother them with his problems.

“You usually spend a lot of time with him, but I haven’t seen you guys talking in a few days.”

Dean gulped before sitting next to Sam. Adam was looking at them, trying really hard to cover it up. “It’s just… Complicated.”

“Maybe it’s not that complicated, Dean.” The middle Winchester said with his knows it all face. “Maybe, you’re making it complicated. I mean, I know we only know the guy for a few months, but he’s good…” The way Sam spoke made Dean even more confused, he frowned and the teenager sighed. 

“You should talk to him.” Adam added, not sounding very pleased. 

He couldn't believe he was having this talk with his baby brothers, he didn't like this situation, and he wanted to leave. However, he couldn't. It would make things too obvious. So he just sighed and whispered.

“Relax, I’ll work it out eventually.”

Not even he believed his words.

 

He was fixing the plumbing in Joshua’s kitchen that afternoon, while Benny was cleaning the windows of the church. Simple work, that shouldn't take long, but he was sort of procrastinating. The next thing on his list was to change the lamps on Cas’ room, and he wasn’t quite looking up for that moment. 

“Dean.” Joshua called him, and the young man turned to face him.

“What was it?”

“We need to talk.” The older man seemed very serious, and the Winchester couldn't help but worry. This was the one sentence anyone would fear listening, especially from the thing closest to a father figure you have. 

Dean got up, leaving the tools in the tile floor. Joshua was looking at him with an expression that reminded Dean of Rufus, one that he and Sam had nicknamed: ‘I’m not having any of your shit’. This was definitely not good. 

“Go ahead, spill it.”

“You and Castiel need to sort things out. Both of you have become unbearable in these few days you haven’t talked.” 

Of course it was about this, did anyone ever talked about anything else with Dean? It was all about how stupid he had acted, how he needed to fix things. He already knew all of that; he already hated himself every time he looked into the mirror. He knew how much of a disappointment he had been for everyone.

“I know what you’re thinking, son. And that’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah… Sure.” His disbelief was obvious in the way he spoke.

Joshua took a deep breath, before returning to his all calm self. “Son, I was the one to request for Castiel, because when an old friend told me about him I believed the two of you could do something good for each other. I don’t care what sort of relationship the both of you have; I only care if the two of you are happy.”

Dean frowned confused, and opened his mouth to say something, but the serious look in the gardener’s face made him quiet. 

“I’m not finished yet. I get that the two of you have problems when it comes to expressing yourselves in a decent way, but I’m begging you to stop this for a moment, and talk to him. He wants you back as much as you want him.”

The Winchester looked down, and whispered. “I wouldn't put my money on that.”

“So, why don’t you try?”

There was challenge there, and everyone knew Dean Winchester couldn't resist a challenge. The young man put his hands back on his pockets and changed his posture. 

“What will I do? Just drop by and talk to him? I asked him not to do something, and he did.”

“Because he cares about you, son! I would have done it; Benny would've done if we had the money or the guts!” The older man shouting scared him, he wasn’t really angry, just so frustrated. “Now, I ask you. Go there, I’m not asking you to let him do this. Just to talk to him.” 

Dean couldn't find I reasonable thing to say. He didn't want to talk to Cas just yet, but he didn’t want to make Joshua angry at him either. He ended up doing what he always did, he nodded and whispered.

“Yes, Sir.” 

He wouldn’t be doing this for him, or for Cas. He just was tired of everyone being disappointed at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, kiddos!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> That's mostly it,  
> Oh yeah, next chapter there will be THE sex (Finally!) and Jana will be back doing beta work on the fic! (YEY!)
> 
> I have to go and get ready to admission tests this weekend!
> 
> THANKS FOR THE KUDOS, THE COMMENTS AND THE BOOKMARKS!  
> Feel free to leave comments, point out mistakes and typos n.n
> 
> kissus!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter file name on my pc was: smuuuuuuuuuuuut!  
> So I think you can discover what it is about.
> 
> Warning : this is fluff as fuck.

He had to grow a pair and talk to Cas. It was stupid, he knew that; it shouldn't fucking bother him so much. He shouldn't have needed to drink some cheap whisky back at Ellen’s place so he could be able to do this. Yet, here he was, pacing outside the church for the past five minutes, maybe lightly drunk, thinking of a good excuse for this. 

It was late, he having just arrived from a not so good night at the truck stop - but Dean needed to endure it, to make enough money to pay the priest back. He looked to the Impala, considering if it wouldn't for the best if they talked tomorrow. Before he could decide, though, the doors of the church were opened and a familiar figure appeared.

“In need of something, Dean?” Castiel’s voice was cold, but not indifferent at least. 

The younger man looked at him, one thousand things he could say crossing his mind. Things that would make Cas forgive him, things that would make Cas hate him… And all sounded so wrong. He didn’t want anything right now, no more words, because they always fucked them up. He took a deep breath as the priest sighed and turned to go back inside.

“You.” The young man spoke without debating with himself anymore. If everything went to shit he could always claim he was drunk.  


The older man turned back, frowning, probably not sure if Dean meant what he'd said.

“I need you, Cas.” His voice cracked and he averted his eyes, feeling even more pathetic. Why did it hurt so much? He shouldn't care about this, it didn't matter much in the end. 

While he wasn't looking, Castiel approached him and, before Dean could say another word, there were lips chastely kissing one cheek and a warm palm touching the other. 

“Do you really mean it?”

He nodded and luckily words weren't needed anymore, because there was another kiss. Slow, but breathtaking, his body being slowly pushed against the car. He thanked the time he'd spent at the Harvelle’s getting clean - he would hate to be kissed when the scent and taste of other men were still on him. His fingers tangled in dark hair, pulling Cas to deepen the kiss. 

When they parted, foreheads rested together and breath was shared. Hand traveled lightly to his waist, pulling him close enough that he could feel the priest pressed head to knees against him. “Want to accompany me to my bedroom?” The proposal was thrown carelessly in the moment, and it should have let him tense, worried. Instead, all it caused was thoughtless arousal. 

Dean bit his lower lip, trying to remain in control. If he got too excited about everything, he would ruin it all. Take things just a bit too fast and scare Cas off. Life is nothing if you take no risks, though. So he nodded, his best cocky smile in place. 

After moments lost in his memory, they were in Castiel’s room, locked door behind them. Dean sat on the single bed, which would have to do. Not like anywhere else would work for them, their secret was just too big. And the trailer was not even close to an option. 

“So, prefer to ride or be ridden cowboy?” He asked, teasing. 

It only earned him a confused look. Of course, Cas wouldn't know anything about sex, had presumably no experience on that front considering his profession. It would be easier if Dean let himself be fucked (and, in truth, he more than liked the idea of having Cas inside him). The younger man rolled his eyes, and opened his arms. “Come here.”

Cas complied, walking towards the bed and climbing on it, bringing himself impossibly close and nuzzling the neck before him with a smile. Dean smiled openly and hooked one arm around his shoulders, his fingers attaching to dark hair once more, massaging Cas' scalp. Light kisses, peppered all the way from his neck to his jaw, made him close his green eyes in bliss as big warm hands held his waist, now pushing him against the bed. Slowly and gently, keeping him safe and calm.

Before they got carried away, he pushed the older man off a bit, whispering. “Let me take off these clothes.”

“Should I undress too?” His question was just so naively honest. 

Dean shook his head and pushed him on the bed, then got up, kicking his boots away while unbuckling his belt, putting kind of a show. Castiel sat on the bed, resting his back against the headboard and looking slightly confused, obviously aroused all the same. The younger man smirked and removed his jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair and stretching cat-like before climbing back on the bed and straddling Cas. Usually he would be taking things as fast as he could to get it over with, but right now all he wanted was to make this memorable.

They went back to kissing, both of their hands exploring each other’s bodies, soft and wanting. Soon enough their shirts were thrown away, and the skin on skin touch felt so real. Dean broke the kiss at this, and took his time to rock his hips against the older man’s, indulging in his own pleasure. Castiel sighed and caressed his chest, probably not sure of what he should do besides enjoy it. It was a beautiful sight.

The young man placed open-mouthed kisses all the away from his jaw to his shoulder, making the priest shudder and run his hands everywhere he could reach before pulling on his hips to press them tighter against his own. As Dean gasped, words were whispered into his ear. “I want to learn how to make you feel pleasure.”  


This request threw him slightly off and made the green-eyed man stare at him, somewhat confused. “What did you say, Cas?”

“I want to learn, Dean. In order to make sure I’m the best… Lover, I can be.”

This was... surprisingly romantic. Who'd've known the virgin priest would be so caring? Saying that kind of stuff in that husky voice, almost as if in an (unnecessary) effort to seduce him. He thought about teasing Cas - the man was asking for it - but ended up not doing so. Instead, he gave him a quick kiss before answering.  


“Okay. So I’ll teach you.” There was promise in those words, and they made the older man smile. Dean bit his lower lip, the continued. “First, touch my nipples…”  


Cas obeyed, touching slowly and pinching carefully. It felt good, it felt different. He'd had men pinching his nipples, trying to make him hard, but this was different. It actually felt good. Dean sighed louder this time, making sure the priest understood how pleased he was - successfully, as Castiel kept going, exploring what made him tick. Suddenly, without saying another word or asking about it, Castiel kissed his right nipple. Dean gasped, mainly of surprise - not saying that it wasn’t hot, because it so was. His reaction impressed Cas, prompting him to kiss and suck. Which made Dean gasp and grab his shoulders, using his remaining will not to moan - he refused to act like a whore with Cas.

“It’s good, Cas. Very good.”

Castiel continued for a while, before turning his attention to the other nipple - pinching, pressing, rubbing. Dean closed his eyes, gasping once more. This was incredibly good, Cas a natural talent for the looks of things. He hated loosing control like this, but it was Cas. It was okay. 

Without warning, their positions changed. Dean found himself lying on his back, Castiel kneeling between his legs. 

“Oh, no need to go so fast.” 

There was no answer, at least none spoken, but Dean guessed Cas' intention of kissing every single freckle possible could count as an answer. It felt good, so he closed his eyes and just let himself be taken care of for a while. This was nothing like when his Johns eventually tried to make him feel good. An open open mouthed kiss was placed to his lower abdomen and his pants opened. “What do I do next?” 

“You can continue kissing, we just need to take out our pants. You can touch, light scratching would be okay…”

Dean raised his hips, helping the priest to pull out his jeans, then sat up to help the older man to get out of his own pj pants. He hooked his legs around Cas’ waist, pulling him closer and feeling how hard he was underneath his underwear. That made the priest gasp, his hands tightening their hold underneath freckled tights. Dean smirked and arched an eyebrow. 

“I think it’s enough foreplay for this time. Let’s go to the main show.”

“And what would that be?” Castiel sounded genuinely curious, even if right now Dean was starting to believe that part of it was acting.

He leaned in closer and whispered his answer, after giving a light bite to Cas’ ear. “You fucking me until I can’t speak.” 

This was all it took to receive a growl and be pressed against the mattress, Castiel biting and sucking his neck. Dean knew that, in theory, he had to stay clean - no marks, no hickeys -, but he actually didn't mind if they were Cas’. He had to push the older man off a bit, which earned him a hurt look. 

“Relax, Cas. We need condoms, and to get naked first.”

The priest nodded while letting him have the space to move. Dean got up and reached for the few condoms left in his jacket, then just stood for a moment in the middle of the room, looking at Cas sitting on the bed and smiling at him - so damn handsome... The Winchester bit his lower lip not to smile dumbly. “Lay back. And off with that fucking underwear, we really don’t need it right now.”

Cas followed his lead, eyes on his, obviously interested in finding out what his plans were. Dean grinned while stripping the last of his clothes, slowly and maybe showing off a bit. The priest licked his lips, and the only thing the Winchester did before going back to him was to close the curtains - he didn't need anyone spying on them. Cas was hard, really hard, and a pleased shiver ran through Dean's body. It was big enough to fill him up, but that wasn't the main factor. If fucking with Cas was half as good as everything else with him, then this would be the best fuck of his life. 

He didn’t need much prep, not after a busy work night. He went back to his previous position, sitting on Castiel’s lap, their now bare cocks grinding against each other. Dean opened the condom package with his teeth - which made the blue eyes close to him shine with lust - before moving down and opening Cas’ legs so he could lay between them. There was curiosity in those eyes when Dean looked up. The young man picked up the condom and positioned it, then used his mouth to put it on. That made his lover moan loudly, grasping his hair. This didn't bring good memories to the younger man, but all Dean had to do was give Cas a look and try to move for the priest to let go. 

He kneeled on the bed, considering now the best option to be him riding Castiel, but Cas wanted to learn, so he would have to let him in charge. He turned his back to the older man, then let his body fall on the mattress on his knees, using his hand to part his cheeks. Dean could hear the breathing of the priest go uneven and looked over his shoulder so he could get a glimpse of how he looked. He liked the view, and was pretty sure the priest liked his too. 

“You just have to push inside. I won’t be very tight, sorry.” He whispered, not exactly looking at Cas - he couldn't be the one to remind the priest that he was dating a whore. 

“You’re perfect. Just perfect.” This was his only answer as he felt the priest leaning over him. 

With almost no trouble, Cas pushed himself into Dean - in was one soft movement that made the Winchester gasp. The weight over him was not like most times, impression which was reinforced by his lack of movement - as if he was afraid of what it might mean or if it was really okay to do it. So, it was up to Dean to make the first move. 

From that point on, Castiel took the lead. Thrusting his hips, rocking them slowly. When Dean was thinking straight again he'd have to add this to the list of things Cas was a natural at. They moved in synchrony as the older man placed kisses on his shoulder and the back of his neck, still moaning. Dean liked the feeling more than he'd ever let on, how the movements were certain, how all felt so warm. He clutching the sheets white-knuckled, gasping and giving a few moans whenever a thrust went deeper. He wasn't used to so much sensation; this was more than the usual sex. 

He ended up closing his eyes, letting himself relax and enjoy the feeling of Castiel inside him. Of knowing he was safe, that this was not about the money. That someone he wanted wanted him back. He whispered all sorts of things while moving his hips to meet Cas’, trying his best to keep his voice low. Dean barely noticed when a hand covered his and moans became louder, because with slight change of angle the thrusts began hitting his prostate, making everything ten times more pleasurable. 

“Oh God, Cas…There… Right there.” 

He listened and continued. Dean moaned louder, incoherent and almost uncontrolled. Cas was moaning too, seemingly close, though not articulating much. Dean’s hand went for his cock, and he begun touching himself, his movements matching those of Cas’ hips and cock. 

“Dean… I think… I’m going to…” Castiel’s voice was the sexiest thing he had ever listened.

“Go ahead.” His own voice sounded broken in comparison. This was not the matter right now, though. He felt the man over him shudder and stop his thrusts, calling Dean's name. 

Cas continued inside him, holding his hand and kissing his neck as the younger man worked himself over - not like he hadn't done this a million times. He came as curses left his lips. It took a while for both of them to regain control over their breaths and when they did, Castiel rolled off him. 

The thing was, this was a single bed. So the priest fell in the wooden floor with a 'bang'. Dean sprang up, worried about him, only to find the older man lying naked on the ground with a confused look. Which made Dean laugh like a five year old. He couldn't stop for good two minutes, and ended up rolling on the bed. As the devil would have it, he fell too. Castiel had rolled over just in time not to be hit, which was a lucky shot. They both looked at each other for a moment, and then started laughing together.

Dean ended up resting his forehead on the dark-haired's shoulder, smiling. "I'm too tired to move."

"But we shouldn't sleep on the floor."

The green-eyed young man smiled and kissed his lover briefly. Castiel was pratically asleep already, so Dean had to move himself, remove the dirty sheets and pick up clean ones to cover them. At least Cas had already removed the condom himself. Dean checked if everything was okay before lying on the hard ground next to the priest. He kissed a pale cheek and settled himself in the most comfortable position. 

And for the first time, in many years, he didn't have nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yey! Happy moment! ( if you forget Dean was not sober *gets hit*)
> 
> So, my keyboard is fucked, I lost 2 keys I might have just lost the third, so my writing was slowed by it, and will be until I find a way to fix it. And because the fic decided to take a whole new path while I was writing 16 ( I have to find out what am I with the changes). In addition to that, I had to go back to taking pills... Which is not good, but could be worse.  
> Next chapter CAS POV *dances*  
> Oh yeah, JANA IS BACK (which means I have a beta again!)
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter,  
> One thousand thanks for the comments, and the kudos, and the bookmarks  
> I'm so happy with it.  
> As always feel free to leave kudos, comments, point out mistakes and typos (I'm tired of writing the same message every chapter, but you know what I mean)
> 
> See ya!  
> Kissus


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas Pov chap

_It was dark._

_He couldn’t see anything and could barely move. He tried calling his mother and Jimmy, but the first wouldn’t let him out and the second couldn’t._

_The smell of mold was getting to him, and it was cold and he just wanted to get out._

_He was not brave as Gabriel, barely managing a few minutes in the closet before panicking._

_He tried calling his mother again, telling her that he would be a good boy._

_His fingers hurt so much, tense, stiff. He shouldn’t have tried to stop her from locking him there. It was his entire fault. He knew he deserved to be punished; it was his fault that Jimmy was sick._

_He just wished she would let him sleep in his bed… This place scared him. He always had nightmares here._

_His blue eyes went for the crucifix on the door._

_And he just hoped God would listen to his prayers this time._

Castiel opened his eyes. 

Damp with sweat and scared, but relieved and glad when he saw the light and felt the weight of Dean’s arm thrown over his abdomen, hot breath against his shoulder. He turned his gaze to him, and smiled. He’d never seen the younger man this peaceful. This was priceless, knowing he was the one that could see this expression, which was allowed to see how fragile Dean could be. He tried not to think about his nightmare - those were familiar ground, haunting him ever since he was eleven years old. 

Cas carefully moved Dean’s arm off him and sat up, getting a bit light-headed, but nothing major. He considered carrying Dean up to the bed, but then decided he didn’t have the strength to do so smoothly. The priest put on his underwear and opened the wardrobe for some clothes, then, when dressed, sat on the bed with a smile tugging on his lips - not sensing the urge to find things to do was a new feeling. 

It was a hard decision to open the drawer and pick up his old notebook. He couldn’t remember when it was the last time he’d let himself draw something, having for so long been afraid of finding he was no longer suitable to do so. Gabriel had said he could make a career with that. Cas had never believed him, though. He deserved this, anyway. Being a priest. He had to do this, or at least that’s what he told himself. For Jimmy, for his mother. 

Casting the line of thought aside, he opened the notebook on a blank page and took his drawing pencil. It was a tough task after such long time; he had no idea of how to start. He knew what he wanted to draw, at least. 

Dean. 

He wanted to find a way to keep this moment somehow, and a drawing would be perfect. He sat there, and started with the jaw. Them the eyes, closed and framed by long eyelashes. The freckles. He loved every second of it, getting lost in the drawing like he hadn’t in years. This felt so natural, doing the lighting, paying actual attention to all details. 

He was so distracted that he didn’t even realize when Dean woke up. 

“Mornin’, Cas” 

He startled, closing his notebook by reflex. He didn’t have any actual reason to be scared or embarrassed, but he just didn’t want Dean to see this part of him. 

“Good Morning, Dean.” 

The man rolled to lay on his back, then stretched himself like a cat. It was such a wonderful view. 

“Wanna grab something to eat with me?” Dean asked, looking at him with those eyes that Castiel adored so much. It was pathetic, but he just couldn’t resist getting lost in them. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry. I have…” He felt bad for not being the kind of man that could take Dean to breakfast. He just had so many things to do, some many people that needed his help. He put the notebook on a drawer, and then got up. 

“I must go now.” He was such an awful shitty lover... “You can sleep some more, if you'd like.” 

Dean took the offer and went to the bed, lying on his side and caressing Cas' back before taking his hand and kissing it. Cas wanted to smile, to return the kiss and worship that body for hours on end. Dean deserved it, more than anyone he had ever met. It was unfair that he had to suffer so much. Castiel would do anything to prevent the hardships of his life! Actually that was just his plan. 

“We need to talk, Cas…” 

Of course... it was now that Dean would put another obstacle to their relationship, something to try keeping Castiel away. It would work anymore, though. He wouldn't 

give up now, especially after what had happened last night - he knew it had meant a lot to both of them. Or at least, he hoped so. 

“Go ahead, Dean.” 

The younger man took a deep breath before speaking. “I’ll let you pay for Sammy’s college…” Castiel couldn’t help to smile openly, which did not go unnoticed by Dean. “But there’s one thing.” 

“What?” 

“I won’t stop working.” 

Cas frowned, but the whole point of him paying for Sam’s college was so Dean could stop working as a prostitute. He could get another job; Cas knew he was smart and capable. If that was possible, why would he continue working with that? 

“I have a contract with Crowley, and I doubt that asshole is letting me off the hook.” 

Oh, that was the problem then. He knew Dean worked for the man, but didn’t consider how he would revoke the contract. This was not good, he had to find a way to avert this. Dean would never be able to convince the salesman, but perhaps Castiel could. However, he knew Dean would never let him get involved, so he was going to this without his knowledge. He hated to lie, but it was needed. 

“Is there nothing we can do?” 

“No…” His voice broke Cas’ heart - why did he always sound heartbroken? So helpless? 

“We’ll find a way.” The priest replied, caressing his face, and then leaned closer to kiss Dean one last time before leaving. 

 

 

He was saying his goodbyes to the people that had come for the mass. He knew all their names already, something he'd always considered vital - they couldn’t be just sheep for him to guide, not strange faces. They were human, they had names and lives and dreams. Today, he had talked about the importance of tolerance, and halfway through the preaching Dean came from the back and left, luckily unnoticed. The young man even teased the priest when he was by the door, blowing him a kiss. 

He couldn't thing about it now, for he had to smile to the parents of Sam’s girlfriend, Rachel. 

“Father Novak, I felt a deep connection to your words today.” The mother, Nancy, said with a smile holding his hands. 

Castiel grinned, acting like he believed her words while knowing that the couple was part of those who took some chosen passages of the Old Testament to the letter. He was uncomfortable, but would go as far as claiming her a liar. 

“That’s wonderful, Mrs. Nave.” She then let go of his hands, and said her goodbyes, still smiling brightly. 

The next one to come and talk to him was Marv. He enjoyed chatting with the older man, even if his opinions in some matters were a bit too extremist. 

“I’ve told you, Castiel. You should be more firm when it comes to some aspects, people might start thinking you’re not that compromised to the religion if you don’t talk about all of it. I’ve seen you talk about tolerance and love a thousand times, perhaps you could start mentioning punitions, talk about the other sides of the Lord.” 

Cas tried not to seem hurt or confused at this, but felt bad when he realized people didn’t appreciate his lectures. He didn’t like sounding too much like he was the one to decide people's lives, either, didn’t like when everything was too right or too wrong. Castiel had always believed in mercy, in free will. 

“Actually, Marv, I think it’s more important for him to remind us that we should be merciful. The world is a cruel place, but we need him to help us keep faith.” A female voice broke into their momentary silence. 

Castiel turned around to find Layla – a young woman who had brain cancer, but was still sweet and full of faith – standing there, smiling sadly as always. Castiel gently reached for her shoulder, longing to thank her for those kind words, even if he knew that Marv was right. The man looked outraged at her and more or less stormed out. After he left, she sighed visibly tired. 

“You shouldn’t listen to what he says. You’re probably the best thing we could’ve hoped to happen in our town.” 

He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t that much of a good man, but couldn’t, that was his secret to keep. So he just grinned. 

“I’m thankful.” 

The young woman smiled to him. “I have to leave.” Layla then kissed his cheek and walked away. He wanted to be as pure as her. He was corrupt, broken. He couldn’t bring himself to care, though, if this was the cost to be at Dean's side. 

 

 

Castiel sat on the small stool next to the phone, and dialed on the worn phone. He would finally call his brother, talk to Gabriel about his issue. 

“Hello, Trickster speaking.” Was the first thing he heard his older brother say, but it was hardly unexpected. 

“Hello, Gabriel. It’s me.” 

“Of course it’s you, Cassie. No one else calls me this time of the day.” It was kind of weird, that he and his brother were starting to sort things out after all the time they hadn’t seen each other, but it was also undeniably good. 

“If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it a secret?” He still wasn’t confident about involving Gabe in his problems, but it's not like he could tell Jimmy (who already had too much going on in his mind) and there was no one else that Cas considered close enough for him to open up to. 

“Sure…” 

“I’m no longer a virgin.” He tried not to appear too excited. 

“Fucking great!” Gabe shouted, like he had just scored a homerun. “That’s amazing, Cassie! With who?!” 

Castiel looked around, verifying if there was no one around to listen to what he said. The last thing he needed was someone listening to his revelation. 

“His name is Dean.” 

“Oooh, your friend. I knew there was something going on! Balt owes me a dinner in that fancy restaurant of his!” 

“You won’t tell him, Gabriel.” He may have sounded a bit too harsh to his brother, but he was so afraid that this would become a known fact. 

“Sorry, bro.” 

“It’s okay…” 

There was silence for a while, a swift reminded of how strained their relationship still was. 

“When am I going to meet him?” 

“Someday, if you promise to behave.” Which was almost the same as saying never, as the chance of his older brother acting like an average human being was considerably slight. 

After a minor void in communication, Gabriel took his leave. “I have to go now. Me, Kali, Balt, Nick and his wife are going to celebrate Raphaella’s birthday.” Gabriel's friends from L.A., almost mythic in that he heard so many ludicruous stories about them but whom he'd probably never actually meet. 

“It’s fine. I was wondering, though, if you will come here for my birthday?” 

“Of course! I’m so thrilled to meet Dean-o.” He laughed before hanging up, abruptly as always. 

The call ended and Castiel had given up on telling him the truth about the money, which would only give wrong ideas. It would better to keep it a secret, he decided. He was entitled to have secrets, after all, even if right now he had too many of those. 

 

 

Castiel knew this was a bad idea, but he had to try nevertheless. 

He'd asked Marv, and the man had told him that Fergus Crowley Macleod was 'probably the biggest sinner in town', and that there wasn’t even a shadow of regret in him. When the priest asked Sherriff Jody about it, she said Crowley was the kind of man to sell a bikini to a penguin if he could. The expression mildly confused him, but he understood its meaning anyway: the man wouldn't be paused by any kind of righteousness in his pursuit for personal gain. 

Cas walked through the motel’s parking lot, rehearsing the lines he'd prepared in his mind. He had to convince this guy to let Dean off the contract - owed that much, he had to find a way to set Dean free. 

He knocked on the door before stepping inside, only to find a huge dog growling threateningly at him. The priest arched an eyebrow, not moving. 

“Boy, back!” The dog obeyed the order and trotted towards a man dressed in a fine black suit. “What a surprise. Looking for something, Father Novak?” 

His answer was a blank stare - deceptively so. Castiel wasn’t in familiar ground, and was afraid of doing something really stupid. 

The other man sported a smug smile. “If you need to talk to me, we can go to my office.” 

“Yes, that would be ideal.” 

“Follow me.” Crowley then turned, walking down a hallway, the dog on his heels. Cas had no other option than to comply, still not sure of what he was getting himself into. 

The office was quite usual, even if the furniture was a bit too expensive for a motel owner. He decided that it was for the best if he didn’t mention that, though. Crowley made a gesture for him to seat on a leather armchair, and the priest did so. The salesman sat on the other side of his desk, the dog by his feet still looking threateningly at Castiel. The priest took a deep breath before talking. 

“I was informed that Dean Winchester is an employee of yours.” 

That seemed to get the interest of the older man, who leaned over the desk, an eyebrow arched at him. “Yes… He works for me. Why? Are you interested on hiring his services? Privacy is something I do find important to guarantee my clients.” 

“No, I’m not interested on hiring his services. I’m here to ask you revoke the contract.” 

Once more the man's expression changed, now from interest and comprehension to irritation. He took a deep breath and sat back. “Never believed Dean would be the sort of guy to ask for someone to take a stand for him.” 

“He doesn’t know I’m here.” Castiel certainly didn’t want Crowley to get the idea Dean had asked him to do this. 

There was a smirk on thin lips as Macleod stared at the priest. “I think I get it now, you like him and you don’t want him to be a prostitute anymore.” 

Even if his tone was understanding, Cas still got the feeling that there was something odd. He shouldn’t trust the salesman. He nodded anyway, though. The entire situation felt wrong, like when he was at school and had to convince someone not to contact Social Services about his injuries. He was just trying to make a bad situation bearable, the only thing he could hope for was that things didn’t got worse. 

“Yes, I do” 

“In this case, I can offer you a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since livestream is shit... here we are.  
> I have do admit I fucking love writing Cas chapters.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this.  
> And now I'm going to sleep
> 
> Thanks ofr the kudos and comments!  
> As always, feel free to leave kudos and comments!
> 
> See ya!
> 
> Kissus


	16. Chapter 16

Dean knew this was a childish plan, but right now he didn't give a damn. 

He was going to get rid of Rachel, and that was one of the best things that could happen. However, he still had to talk to Cas about it, and was pretty sure the priest wouldn't like the idea. So, he was still growing the courage to tell him about it. 

He was in his room, getting dressed. Dean had agreed to have dinner with Rachel’s family, as long as he could take someone with him. He heard someone entering the trailer, and turned to find Cas standing there, staring at him and sporting a little frown. 

“Why are you dressed like this?” He asked, obviously confused. 

The younger walked towards him, grabbed his shoulders and gave him a brief kiss. Adam was staying with Jo and Ellen tonight, Dean having considered that he and Sam were going to have one hell of a fight afterwards - which he didn't need his younger brother getting in the middle of. 

“Going to have dinner with Sam’s girlfriend and her folks.”

Castiel seemed even more confused. “I thought you didn't like her.”

“I don’t, that’s why I’m going.” He ended up smirking and kissing his boyfriend again. 

Cas seemed even more confused, and Dean sighed. He knew this was not going to end well - it was now that they would have a fight, and there was nothing to be done about it. “Her parents are two major racist, homophobic dicks. So, I’ll take Benny with me, and we will… Shock them a little bit, make them think twice before letting their daughter anywhere near Sammy.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, let’s just say me and big bear know how to get affectionate.”

There was hurt in those bright blue eyes, but Dean really knew it was for the best. Even so, he felt bad for upsetting him. Castiel didn't even know what sort of thing Benny and Dean had back in the day. Still, it was not like he could take Cas as his date (something he would have preferred) - the dude was the fucking priest, her parents knew him. 

“Cas, listen to me, dude. We’re only going to pretend we’re dating, because not like I can take you with me.” Dean said those words staring into the older man's eyes. He then leaned in closer and whispered by his year. “And maybe you can come here tomorrow, when Sammy and Adam are in school… And, perhaps, I can teach a few more things.”

“I’d love that.” Even if Castiel tried to act like everything was okay, it was plain obvious he was still hurt. But there wasn't much Dean could do right now other than run his fingers through the dark hair, trying to reassure him. 

“Can you help me knot my tie? Never had to do this.” This was true, at least - the only time he'd worn a suit and a tie had been to his mother’s funeral.  
Castiel carefully stood back, and tied it with not a single visible fleck of disturbance. He was good at it. Dean smiled and glanced at the watch - he had another fifteen minutes before Benny came to pick him up.

And he intended to make good use of those. 

He pulled the priest into a breathtaking kiss, resting his back on the nearest wall. Cas came closer, touching his face and pressing their bodies together. His not so experienced tongue ended up finding its way into Dean’s mouth - the most delightful thing ever, amazing as every kiss with Cas was. 

They parted, resting foreheads together. Dean wasn't sure why he was smiling - he shouldn't be that happy about everything. However, even with all the crap going on his life - Rachel and Crowley and all else - it still was only a matter of the priest kissing him that everything fell into place.

They kissed one more time, tongues dancing. There was no urge, no desire for sex right now. It was just a kiss, and that was what made everything even more special. The fact that they enjoyed sex didn't mean everything had to be about it.

When they parted once more, it was Castiel’s turn to smile. He kissed some of Dean’s freckles, sweet and caring. “I don’t have to worry about Benny, right?” 

“Not at all. You’re the only one I want in my bed. And in me.”

The answering, soft growl was priceless. He never grew tired of teasing Cas. 

 

 

They were in the car, Benny was driving. Since it was his car, not Dean’s, the younger man really didn't mind. Sam had babe, which was part of Dean’s plan to make sure his brother didn't suspect anything. It had worked, but that might have been because the teenager was so freaking excited about him meeting Rachel’s parents. When he saw what Dean and Benny were going to do, he was going to be hurt.

“Are you sure about this, little bro?” Benny asked, he hadn't been sure of this as Dean. 

“Yeah, if I don’t do this soon, she’ll tell Sam. I can’t risk this happening.” He answered, resting his forehead on the window. 

The older man didn't say another word, only turned the radio on; letting some country cd he had play to break the silence. Dean had one thousand things in his mind; most of them were no very good. He took a deep breath, there was this uncomfortable feeling every time he imagined he and his friend acting like a couple. He couldn't stop thinking how this would hurt Cas, even if he acted like he was okay with it. There were people in town who believe Dean and Benny had a thing, he hoped Rachel’s parents became those kinds of people.

Benny parked the Car in the restaurant parking lot, the place was fancy. The girl definitely came from a family with money, and that made Dean dislike her even more. He turned to his friend.

“Well, let’s do this, Papa Bear.”

The older man laughed and rolled his eyes, before getting out of the car. The younger man followed him. They hadn't rehearsed anything, just that if one of them did something, the other would go along with it. Dean was walking looking down, when he felt the big hands messing with his hair and touching the back of his neck, trying to sooth him.

“Relax... Everything will go just fine.”

“Not like is our first anyway.” Dean sounded a bit bitter. “I hope you've improved your kissing techniques” He tried to make things a little bit funnier. 

Benny sighed, and opened the door so Dean could enter. The young man did it, and looked at the receptionist and smiled. She blushed, not because of the flirting, but because they knew each other, she had an extra job to make some more money. She was just like him.

“We are here to have dinner with the Naves, I believe they here already.”

She seemed surprised, but tried hard to act normal. It was rather fun to watch her embarrassment.

“Yes. I’ll take you to their table.” 

She walked with firm steps; Dean looked at Benny and hooked their arms together. The taller man kissed Dean’s forehead whispering.

“If you change your mind, just tell me and we’ll stop.”

Dean smiled and kissed the bearded man, it was just a peck in the lips, but made his point very clear. “Let’s do this.”

And they walked together towards the table.

Sam frowned watching they come. Her parents smiled their best fake smiles, and their daughter seemed rather surprised to see Benny.

“Hello, Dean.” Rachel’s dad spoke.

“Hello, nice to meet you, Mister Nave.” He gave his best charming smile. Than, he put the first part of his silly little plan to work. “This is my boyfriend, Benny.”

The shock on the man’s face was worth Dean’s evening.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Benny answered this time. “We've been together for 3 years now.” He looked at the younger man in a terrible act of how someone in love should look.

They sat next to Sam, and Dean couldn't keep a stupid smile off his lips. 

This would to be good.

 

Unnecessary to say dinner as a perfect disaster. Sam had a massive bitchface during all of it, staring at Benny and Dean when they were too affectionate towards each other. The older brother could survive his looks, because while Sam just looked upset, Rachel and her folks were damn disgusted. He would have rather have Cas here with him, it would be less of a lie at least, it would be genuine. However, Benny was not bad - maybe, if things had been different, they might even have ended up together all those years ago. 

By dessert, Dean was sure there was no freaking way those parents were letting their girl date Sam. They weren't even trying to be polite, just talked about their white-fenced life as if trying to prove themselves better. Everything went quite as planned, until Rachel’s mom open her stupid mouth and said some shit.

“No offense.” And there it is, that tone of disgusted pity he was expecting. “But I don’t see how a man can possible raise a child alone. I mean, kids need their moms to survive. Dads must provide for the family, but they can’t raise a child right. I don’t get how a court could possible leave a child with the father instead of the mother, see what I mean?” And at that she glance not-so-subtly between him and Sam.

Dean felt anger filling his insides. This woman was saying so much shit, he couldn't possibly believe someone would utter something like that. He might be shit, he may do things he wasn't proud of, but the one thing he knew he had done right was raising Sam and Adam. John wasn't the best parent, but that was much more due to the loss of the one person that brought sense to his life than to the fact that he was a man. 

Green eyes searched for Sam, and he was so damn proud when he saw how angry Sammy looked. The younger brother nodded, giving him permission to do what he wanted, but before Dean could say a thing Benny took the lead.

“That’s some fucking bullshit.” His voice was harsh, and he looked damn scary. 

Dean had almost forgotten that what those words would hurt his 'date' as much as him. Benny had fought hard to receive custody of Elizabeth, and still his fucking drunk and crazy ex-wife had taken the kid away. She had even cheated on him with the kid in the house. Benny was a wonderful dad, and they had taken that away from it. 

“It’s not about being a man or a woman, it’s about loving the kid and taking care of them. And if you disagree I don’t t fucking care, because you and your fat ass of a husband are jerks, and that of yours, I guess she proves my point. Because that’s some rotten kid.”

He got up and walked away, Dean turned to Sam before following.

“Come with me.”

Sam did as he was told, even if he looked angry. Right now he was more worried about Benny - the guy was sweet and patient, but when he got angry things didn't end up well. He caught up with his friend by the parking lot, Benny was by his truck, breathing heavily and resting his forehead on the door. 

“Benny? Are you okay?”

The taller man looked at him, and he looked so heartbroken Dean felt bad about himself. He was the one who had dragged his friend into this mess. “Sorry, little bro. I shouldn't have reacted like that.”

“It’s fine, man. If you hadn't said anything, I would have.” He stood next to him, waiting to see if he needed some help.

“You need me?”

“Nope, I’ll give myself the right to buy some scotch and go back to my place, try to find something new on my baby girl. Fuck, brother, I miss her...”

“I know.” He gave a few taps to the older man’s shoulder. “See ya tomorrow?”

“Don’t know, I may be too hangovered to drop by. Besides, you and Sammy are going to have a tough night.”

Dean glanced towards his brother, who was resting his back on the Impala, looking angry and tired, as when John had showed up. Actually, it wouldn't have been that bad if the problem was their dad. 

“Yeah, I know.”

Dean took a deep breath and walked away. He knew Sam would be pissed, and it wouldn't be easy to deal with him, especially since he couldn't tell him the truth. He hadn't really given a thought about what he was gonna tell him. Well, he was going to have to make something up as they talked.  
“Let’s go home, Sammy.”

His brother didn't answer, only getting on the passenger seat and preserving the bitchface, and opening his mouth for a single word - which was worse than actually fighting. Dean started driving, glancing towards his younger brother from time to time.

“Alright, talk to me Sam, please.” He ended up saying. 

“What do you want me to say?!” The teenager almost shouted. “I fucking liked her, Dean! You may not like her and her folks, but not everyone needs to be as broken and fucked up as we. Yeah, her mom is an idiot, but so is our dad sometimes!” His frustration leaked from every word. 

“Are you listening to yourself? Sam, that kid is a bitch.”

“Do not talk about her as if you knew her! Rachel’s great, she listened to me, she said I should follow my dreams. She made me see I didn't have to end up as you and dad, that I could be anyone I wanted!”

He was angry at Sam now, but he couldn't blame his little brother. He was the one that kept him out of everything, let Sammy believe they had an ordinary life.

“And what the fuck was that with Benny? I know you guys are not dating. Not that I would care if you were, but that was not you, Dean!”

“You don’t fucking know me, Sam!”

“Because you fucking won’t talk to me!”

Dean wasn't thinking straight, the not-so-few drinks unhelpful as fuck. Probably that's why he didn't filter his next words.

“Oh, you wanna talk? So, let’s talk Sam. For starters, I’m a fucking whore, I fucking let anyone have me if they pay well enough, so you and Adam can have an ordinary life. I work my ass off, and I've tried really hard to make sure you didn't know it. Because now you’ll try giving up on everything, and it will only make everything I've been through useless!” He was shouting, and he was feeling angry and miserable. Fuck, why was he telling this to Sammy? 

His brother was shocked, looking at him astonished to hell and back. “What?” His voice was low and sad.

“Yeah, that’s it. Your brother is fucking whore, you know my work on the Roadhouse? Bullshit. Rachel knew it, she and her friends have a great time making sure hookers and rent boys have it hard. She’s a bitch.”

Sam looked down, obviously feeling like shit. “I'm… so sorry.” And that whisper, full of sorrow, was all that took to make Dean feel like the worse brother in the world.

“No need to be. You didn't know.”

“The money...”

“No, Cas is getting the money.” He wouldn't let Sam give up on his dreams now, after all.

“Cas?” His brother frowned, obviously confused.

“Yeah.” He was talking too damn much, he should have said it was Bobby’s, but fuck it. He was going to tell his brother everything this time. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that. “He and I, we are… sort of… partners, I guess that’s how you'd call it.”

“Oh…”Sam went quiet for a while. “That's- good." Another pause. "Dean, I’m so sorry...”

“I already told ya, don’t need to be.”

He forced a smile onto his lips, and Sam did his best to do the same. He was probably still sorting this shit in his mind, because when he did Dean knew there would be never ending questions. 

He parked right outside their trailer, and both frowned when they saw a truck settled there as well. 

A truck they knew too well.

_Dad was home._

_And this was not good news._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.
> 
> So this chapter went sort of unplanned. Because Sam was not supposed to about it until, chapter 28? Or maybe never. Yet, he and Dean trolled me. And I'm sort of.... lost right now. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one, because I sure did (And don't be angry with the almost DeanxBenny scene, I may ship it too, but I wouldn't put it in here)
> 
> thanks a lot for the kudos, comments and bookmarks.  
> Feel free to comment, leave kudos, point out mistakes and I don't know, say whatever you want.  
> Fyi if you comment you may have me or Jana answering it, so don't be confused.(Oh, yeah, sometimes she pretends she's me, so is really a russian roulette.) 
> 
> See ya!  
> Kissus


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, sorry it took me so long to update, but I had my tests last week, and I was in no moody for writing anything useful afterwards.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Dean glances at Sam, and sees how his brother is tense and serious.

Of course, now he fucking knew, and he obviously blamed John for it. Which was not too far from reality, but it would be freaking useless to argue with the guy. He took a deep breath and messed Sammy’s hair. 

“Please, just forget him.” He whispered, and as his brother looked at him, he knew the kid wouldn't comply. He just sighed and turned off his babe, getting out of it and preparing himself to one hell of night. He wished he could spend it with Cas instead, but no way in hell he was going to leave his brothers alone with their dad.  
They walked in the trailer, and Dean was not pleased by the sight. He found dad sitting by the table, looking like shit – but that wasn't any news –, staring blankly at an obviously distressed Adam. As soon as the kid spotted Dean, he literally ran towards his brother, whispering.

“Please, Dean. He’s not okay...We have to spend the night at Joshua, please.” 

Dean ran his fingers through the little one’s hair, before pushing him to Sammy. "Take him to Joshua’s, or Cas'. Stay there for a while. I’ll go later.”

Sam nodded and took off with Adam, and Dean took a deep breath before turning to John. The man didn't seem to realize what had just happened, the empty bottle of whisky on the floor by his feet giving a hint for the reason. Great... this was going to be good. 

“Dad?” He called, approaching his father slowly, carefully. Ready to react if John did anything stupid. 

“What the fuck happened here, Dean? I arrive home, you and Sam are away, and Adam is at the Roadhouse, I ask Ellen what is going, why she has my son, and I have to find out by her that you and Sammy decided to go and play normal life. You only have one job, and it is to take care of your brothers. If I wanted Ellen raising my kids I’d have let them with her.”

Dean was getting angry again, hurt because John didn't consider Dean his son, or at least he didn't spoke as if he did. The younger man took a deep breath - he shouldn't be mad, his dad was not in his right mind. “Sammy really wanted me to meet his girlfriend and her parents.” 

Instead of calming him down, that only made his father worse. 

“You spoil him too freaking much. That’s why he wants to leave! You made him believe that we weren't enough for him.” John had got up, stumbling as much as his voice had suggested he would. Anger and disappointment in his eyes he looked at his eldest son.

“Stop, Dad. Please.” He didn't care that John was being stupid, or that his words hurt more than any punch Dean had got all those years, not like this was new anyway. The worst was that in the morning, when he woke up, his dad would be drowning in guilt as always. He didn't want that. 

“You don’t tell me what to do, boy!” And he pushed Dean. The young man hit his back against the wall, and watched as his dad stomped towards the liquor cabinet. Dean took another deep, calming breath, holding himself for the shouting that would begin when John found out there was no alcohol on the trailer.

He wished he could spend the night with Cas. 

 

 

Castiel was in his room drawing when he heard the knocks on the church’s door. They sounded distressed, and the priest frowned. It was late, and he was alone - Dean had said he wouldn't come by tonight, that he would probably be too busy dealing with Sam’s reaction. Cas got up and walked to the front door, turning all the lights on as he did so - he could deal with many things, but being by himself in the dark was always hard (even if the church was big enough, it still triggered him). He unlocked the door, only to find two boys he wasn’t at all expecting to see.

Sam and Adam. 

The first was still dressed in an old suit and looked disquiet; the latter was wearing his usual jeans and plaid, eyes sporting subtle fear.

“What happened?” Castiel asked while stepping aside so that they could come in. “Where is Dean?” He couldn't contain his worries, something bad had happened. There was no other explanation to why they were showing up here this late, this disheveled.

“Dad came home, drunk as fuck.” Sam’s anger was clear as he dragged Adam in. “Dean told us to go, he’s alone in there.”

Cas took a deep breath to compose himself. He shouldn't interfere with family business; all he could do was take care of those two. “Come, you need a bath and a bed.”  
He moved, but as he walked by them, the youngest gripped his shirt. “You have to take Dean out of there.”

The priest frowned. “Okay… I will, I promise. But he would be angry if you two weren't alright first.” He forced himself to smile briefly, even if he was dead worried. He just wanted to run to Dean and help him.

Sam gave him a look that made Castiel confused - he wasn't sure what it meant confusion or anger or anything else in between, but wasn't given time to ask.

“We can settle ourselves. Really, Castiel, just go. He needs you.” He had never seen the teenager so serious about something, which rang bells. Dean never spoke too much about his father, no more than extremely necessary, and what the man could be up to was lost to Castiel.

He nodded and left the kids there, walking fast. The night was cold, but he didn't bother retrieving his trench coat. He needed to get to the trailer before anything dreadful happened. 

Once closer to the trailer, Castiel saw the lights on and heard the shouting and muffled thumps. He ran towards the door, blasting it open.

“You drunk fuck! I’m not letting you anywhere near Sam and Adam ever again!” Dean was practically growling to his father’s face. There were bruises in his cheeks and his clothes were rumpled and torn. His dad also looked terrible, drunk, smelling like he hadn’t take a bath in a week, with a few bruises himself. 

“What did you just call me, son? Who do you think you are? Show your father some respect!” John seemed furious as he hit Dean, making the young man fall over the table. And he would hit him again, but Castiel held his wrist.

“I’ll not allow you to hit him further. You’re both not in your right mind and will regret this in the morning.”

Of course, the anger didn’t disappear, only now he was the one pushed.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Castiel Novak, the new priest and Dean’s friend.” He focused on sounding calm - if he was aggressive too it wouldn't end well. 

He should have seen the next punch coming. “Get the fuck away from my sons! They don’t need the church or your fake god! You people weren't there for us when Mary was dead, why come by now? Only to take credit of all my hard work? You listen, I raised these boys, not your god or your church.”

Of course that hurt and offended him, but the words were of less impact than those thrown at Dean. Castiel didn’t know the man hitting him, he meant nothing. Before he could bother to answer, though, Dean was standing between him and John. “Dad, leave.”

“You and that-“

“I bought this trailer, Joshua gave the land to me. Now leave before I call Jody.” Dean had never sounded so determined around him, voice so tainted with cold fury.  
John looked shocked, but stomped out of the place nevertheless. Stumbling and muttering things Castiel was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear. They heard the sound of John's truck driving away, and the priest turned to look at Dean. The young man looked tired and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You should take a bath. I can go and bring your brothers over.”

“Can you join me? I need you…” His voice was low, and he regarded the priest with a weird look of lust in his eyes. 

How could Cas possibly say no to him? The older man only nodded and followed Dean into the small bedroom, where he was manhandled around and had his neckpiece removed. Cas caressed the sides of Dean's body and took off his cheap suit’s jacket. Their foreheads touched as the priest unknotted the other's tie.

“Weren't we going to take a shower?” The green-eyed man teased. 

“I think we can leave this to later.” And he kissed Dean roughly, for he had discovered that the young man liked it when he was a bit harsher, and this situation was the right time to take the control. Pushing the back of his lover’s against the bunker - which made him moan -, the dark-haired felt hands grabbing his shoulders.  
He tried his best to be good, to make Dean feel good. Because he loved it when the young man moaned, how he would let Cas see him this uncontrolled, this vulnerable. He felt different from his lover’s clients, he knew there was much more going on here between them. He parted the kiss after a while and proceeded to smolder the side of his neck, sucking, leaving small marks. He heard small gasps from Dean, and this aroused him more than it should've. 

Castiel had trouble unbuttoning his own shirt and Dean’s, and it took him way longer than the necessary to get them off. Dean pushed him off a bit, and Cas was confused for a moment before the young man leaned down and pulled the truckle.

“If we fuck in Sam’s bed, he’s gonna be pissed as hell.”

“Please, control your language, Dean.”

Dean ignored him and pulled Cas into a hungry kiss, which made the older man feel light-headed as they fell on the bed. Their bodies pressing close, their hands touching every inch they could. Before they even had taken off their pants, Dean already had his hand inside Castiel’s underwear, stroking him slowly. The priest groaned as he placed kisses all over Dean’s chest. 

The young man spread his bowed legs enough for Cas to fall between them, then whispered. “Hurry up, we can’t take too long.” 

Of course, he knew that, it was just… He liked to have all the time in the world to admire Dean. Make him feel good, make him feel worthy. Because he was worth every second they spend together and much, much more. Even if the young man didn't believe it. Anyhow, if he wanted this to be fast, fast it would be. 

“I suppose you need preparation.” 

“There’s lube and condoms in the drawer.” Was his answer, pointing at a small nightstand.

The priest went to retrieve the items while his Dean took his own pants off and threw them along his underwear, on the other side of the small room. As he picked up the small tube, his brother passed his mind - or, more specifically, Gabriel's laughter upon witnessing such blasphemous, porn like scene. Which was probably close to the truth; he'd fallen so far from what his mother had wanted him to be, he should feel sad for disappointing her. And God. However, even with the guilt that was slowly consuming him, he couldn’t think of a more beautiful sight than Dean lying on his back, looking at Cas like he couldn't want anything more.

He knelled on bed, unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Dean smiled and sat up so he could help Cas open the lube and spread it on his fingers, rubbing a bit for warmth.

“Push them in, one at the time; move in and out a bit… Until you can fit all three inside.” 

Castiel was mildly hesitant, but ended up doing what he was told. When his first finger entered the young man, he received a small hiss in response. He looked at Dean's face, worried, and they stared at each other until he felt he could move. Slowly at first, opening space for himself. Dean whispered, biting his lower lip.

“Keep going, Cas.”

And he did so, because he remembered Dean having enjoyed this last time. The second finger joined and he did scissoring movements, because it felt like he should do it. When it seemed enough, he entered the third one, trying to push them deeper. That made Dean gasp, almost whine. The sound was amazing, and Cas wanted it again, so he kept going. This was so pleasurably erotic…

“Stop staring and just fucking do it already, Cas.” 

He nodded, and took his fingers off Dean, making him gasp once more - an obvious complaint for the absence. Castiel put on the condom – something he was still getting the hang of how to do properly – and hooked Dean’s legs by the back of his knees, pulling him closer, receiving a smirk. The older man positioned himself, and pushed in slowly. For a moment, all he could hear was a dragged out moan, and then, “Come on… Just fuck me good, Cas.”

He didn’t think things should be taken in a hurry when it came to sex, but this was for Dean, and he should be the one dictating the rhythm if he so pleased. Cas moved his hips gingerly, whimpering at how hot and welcome it all felt. He would have died a happy man like that, frozen inside of Dean. But he had to move, fast and steady, or else he would have a very frustrated partner in his arms. So he did, stroking the younger man while trusting into him. Last time he hadn't done it, it's had been all Dean's doing, and now the sensation overwhelmed him. He leaned in, kissing Dean in order to contain their moans. It crossed his mind that they couldn't be loud, or it may attract attention. Or maybe he was just becoming paranoid.

He closed his eyes and broke the kiss, moaning and calling him as Dean let out some blasphemes in form of moans. Asking for Cas to move harder, faster. He tried to comply to those requests, matching his hips movement with his hand. Using his other hand to give him balance. He begun feeling the orgasm (that’s what the amazing feeling he had last time was called, he’d done research) building in his body, but no matter how much he had appreciated that feeling, he wanted to see Dean’s face as he came. And he did. Because, when he felt the younger man gripping his arm and calling his name as the climax hit him hard. 

His face was the most perfect thing Castiel had ever seen, cheeks flushed, lips parted, and eyes closed. Everything screaming pleasure, like he had just achieved heaven. And with that imagine, he hit orgasm too. The younger man’s name leaving his lips as he felt his body shaking slightly. 

It took him a while to come back to earth. He had fallen over Dean, and there were fingers running through his hair, silence surrounding them for a while until the older man decided to broke it, lifting his face so he could see Dean’s.

“I guess that’s officially the worse date-meets-parent occasion registered to date.”

Dean smiled and huffed out a laugh. And to Cas, that was all the mattered. 

 

 

Dean left the warm water wash him, still tired and sleepy, but undeniably happy. Cas had left to pick up Sam and Adam, bring them home since John was not staying. He and Castiel had no time to cuddle after the sex, because even if Sam knew it was just not right leave the kids alone as he and Cas had some really good snuggling session (however girly that was). Dean massaged his scalp now, actually relaxed. His dad was a major fucking douche, but he could live with that. 

He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, thinking how cleaning up would have been much more interesting if Cas had been there with him to derail the process, but some things had to be realistic. He picked up his towel and dried himself, hearing noises from the living room. More specifically, his brothers laughing, which had become an unusual sound lately. 

He finished drying and left the bathroom, the towel wrapped around his waist, only to find a blushing Cas sitting on the couch with Adam, who was smiling, and Sam on the other side with a face Dean had titled as ´I beat ya.´ 

“What are the two of you doing to him?” He asked between laughs. 

When Castiel’s eyes met his figure, the eyes of the priest went slightly wider with lust, and he was obviously speechless. Adam rolled his eyes.

“Dudes, you’re too fucking obvious for your own good. Really.”

Dean was shocked by this comment and froze up. This time the youngest of them laughed out loud.

“See?” 

The older of the brothers settled on rolling his eyes - he wanted to be angry, but fucking hell! His brothers were laughing and seemed okay, he and Cas wouldn’t have to hide 24/7 and he might have just started a path to a better life.

“I swear to god, if you guys scare Cas away shit is going to get serious. Understood, Dumbass?”

“Sure, jerk.” Adam was still grinning. 

“And you, Bitch?”

“Always, Jerk.” Sam’s smile was even wider. “Oh.” He turned to the priest, “why don’t you spend the night, you must be getting really lonely in the church.” Why couldn't the smartass stop teasing? Dean had to step in before they lost all control. Teenagers couldn't resist messing with their big brothers relationships - not that he would complain say much, he was actually happy to see them acting like average teens. 

“Now, you two stop it and go to bed.” 

“Come on, Dean…”

“You’re gonna have a busy day tomorrow, Sammy. And I’m sorry for it, but if you’re facing Rachel, you better not do it tired.”

Of course that took all of the light-hearted vibe of the moment. Sam looked down and went to the bedroom, sour frown now lodged on his brow. Adam seemed confused at first, but Dean didn't look at him, only ran his fingers through his hair and looked to the other side. The kid got the hint and followed Gigantor into their room, leaving Dean and Castiel alone. The young man then turned to the priest.

“If you wanna stay…”

“You know I can’t.” He replied softly, and got up to caress Dean’s face. “Everything will be fine. If your father shows up, please, come and stay with me. You and your brothers.”

He was glad that Cas was worried, but he couldn’t bring his shit into the man’s life more than he already done. Anyhow, if he admitted so it would only generate more worries, so he smiled and nodded.

“Sure, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my lovelies,  
> I hope you enjoy this one, because I sure did.  
> John's and Dean's fight was sort of based on one I had with my dad in the day I was writing, so if you think it's weird sorry, but I needed to put my feels somewhere.  
> Well, I hope my writing goes faster now, but if it doesn't. Sorry.
> 
> thanks for the kudos, comments and bookmarks. I love them!
> 
> As always, you're free to comment anything (typos, suggestions, your feels) and leave kudos and bookmarks!
> 
> Now, I must leave, because chapters don't write themselves, and I have to do something about my Stucky feels.
> 
> Kissus!


	18. Chapter 18

The two months following that day were somewhat happy - well, things could have gone so much worse. John stayed at home (which was terrible) because he lost his last job after drunk driving a truck - which could have gotten him killed as well, not that he seemed to mind it that much. He was mostly drunk, ignoring Dean or just complaining about everything.

Sam finally finished his last school year. He and Rachel had the biggest of fights. She tried to use Dean’s secret against the middle Winchester, but Sam just bitchfaced her and left. He ended up taking Jess to prom (according to her, she had never liked Rachel that much), and they were planning on taking some classes together on the first semester. He hadn't asked Dean many questions yet – not that they could really talk without John finding out. Sam looked happy, and to Dean that was worth all the trouble.

Adam’s baseball team was doing great and the kid was sort of a star player. He never fussed, but he still didn't talk to Dean or anyone else much. He was too independent sometimes, and the older brother couldn't help but wonder if he was really okay.

Benny was considering going after his ex-wife, to try to find Lizzie, but he wanted to be there when Sam left for College, was worried about how Dean might deal with it.

Dean knew things would be just fine, though. He would miss Sam more than he could imagine, but he wasn't alone anymore, he had Castiel to help him keep focus.

He and Cas… Had never been better. Yeah, they were still a fucking secret, but they would probably be one forever anyway, this much he'd already understood. They spent all the time they could together, and Dean even made sure Cas watched the Star Wars films and some other classics the priest hadn't seen. By the way, he had tried asking him about it – Like, how could someone not have watched those movies? – but Castiel only said his mother hadn't approved so in his and his brother's childhood. Dean had joked that he could not like a woman like that, and Cas whispered he wouldn't expect Dean to anyway. After that, Dean had decided it was for the best if he avoided the family subject from then on.

Other than that, Sammy's departure was getting closer each day. Dean tried not to bother much about this, but it was hard. He at least knew his brother would have the money needed - as Cas was making monthly deposits - and Dean felt somewhat purposeless. He would drop by the Roadhouse, even if Ellen was still kind of angry with him about everything, just to get himself busy. Crowley hadn't called in weeks –which was half good, half bad, because he couldn’t get money, but still didn't have to deal with johns (which would have been one hell of a problem with his dad at home and Sam in the know).

 

 

“I’m coming with you.” With those words, John decided that he was going with his three sons to take Sammy to Stanford.

This was not good. At all. Dean definitely didn't like the idea of staying with his dad inside the Impala for more than two days.

However, not like it was a possibility to kick the man out and say he couldn't come with them. He was their dad, and if Sam was okay with him coming, there was nothing Dean could do about - just hope Sam _wasn't_ okay with it, that is.

“Do whatever you want. I just don’t want any fights while we’re on the road.” Sam decided. “I have to go and say my goodbyes to Ellen and Jo. Can I borrow the Impala, Dean?” He was trying to escape before shit hit the fan - smart move - and Dean was not letting Sammy escape alone.

“Adam has training, I’ll drive you two.”

He had a job interview later, but neither of them had to know this bit of information. Not even Cas knew, for fuck’s sakes. He didn't want to give them false hopes, not like he was about to get the job anyway (he was a good mechanic, but doubted he was anything but a hooker in the end). He got up and took the kids.

“When I get back, perhaps we can cook something, a barbecue maybe. What you think, Dad?”

He wasn't sure why he didn't just give up on their dad. It was more like he couldn't. John was an asshole, but he was still their dad, he would have gone to hell to save his sons. And he had never really overcome Mary’s death or Kate leaving them. It wasn't his fault, not really, nor it was theirs. John shrugged, and turned the TV on a baseball match.

The boys soon found their way into the Impala, Adam wearing his uniform (complete with the baseball hat too big for his head). Sammy put on some shitty music, the usual stuff he loved, and right now, even if it was trash, Dean wasn't going to make him turn it off. He wouldn't be listening to that stuff in a long while, after all. He was going to miss every little one of these things.

“Do you think it will be too bad having dad drive back with you?” Sam asked.

Dean knew John wouldn't do anything too stupid while Sam was there - nobody wanted the kid to go off to college hating their father more than he already did, or at least that was what Dean hoped. “Well, I don’t think he can fuck things up more than he already has.”

“Don’t underestimate Dad’s ability, Dean.” Sam sounded bitter, but that was his default nowadays.

They parked just outside the Roadhouse, as Dean had chosen to leave Sammy first. It was easier to deal with a bitching Adam than with an angry Sam. He knew if he stayed with the older teen it would be the perfect option for the kid to ask all those questions that he wanted to, but had not got the chance to yet. Of course Sam knew this, but he only looked sideways at Dean and opened the door.

“Will you come to pick me up?”

“Yep. I’ll drop Adam by and maybe see Cas – he’s counseling a couple.”

Sam gave a tight lipped smile and patted his shoulder. “Don’t get too excited, jerk. I need my ride.”

“Shut up, bitch.” Even their teasing wasn't like before, even if they pretended so.

After Sam was gone, Adam jumped to the front seat and changed the station, putting the AC/DC tape on. Dean smiled and messed his hair.

“At least one of you has good taste.”

The youngest smiled and pushed his arm away.

“Let me listen to it, then, will you?” Dean knew he just wanted the silence so he wouldn't have to deal with the situation, but who was he to judge avoiding confrontation, anyway.

The ride to the baseball field was short, so not even ten minutes later he was parking by the place.

"Want me to take you in?"

"No way. I'm no kid anymore, Dean." He answered in that whining tone that accomplished nothing more than make him look precisely like a child.

Dean teased back as always, pitching Adam’s cheek and cooing. "Awn, are you upset, little Adam? I'm so sorry, I just wanted to be a good daddy."

"Fuck off, Dean." Adam pushed him off and jumped off the car, flipping him the finger whilst he ran towards the field.

Most parents wouldn't have a eleven year-old doing what Adam did or acting like him, but Dean couldn't give less of a fuck. Sam had been the kind of kid only to say fuck when he was already in High School, and if the youngest was different, well they should just learn to deal with it.

Anyway, he had an interview to attend and no time to waste. While he was driving away, he couldn't not notice a weird car following him though. Dean usually would have parked and have an argument with the driver, but he really needed that job. So he only flipped the finger to whoever was the jerk. He soon arrived at the repair shop, leaving his baby parked outside. This dude was an old friend of Bobby's, but that was not the reason why Dean had decided to ask for this job. Just, he hoped the guy - Irv - would ignore the fact he was a drop-out with only six bucks to his name.

He entered the shop, hands on his pockets, sort of nervous.

"Hey. Is anyone there?"

An older guy came from the back of the shop, and gave a half smile when he saw Dean.

"Good to see ya, son. You must be Dean."

"Yep. The one and only." He scratched his cheek, not sure of what to say or how to make a guy want to hire you. His only experiences in getting a job where with his clients, and well, they were no example to be set. Irv seemed to notice that and took the lead, asking his questions.

"See, I really need help with the shop. I would be freaking glad with a another pair of hands to work the cars, but first I need to know if you have any experience dealing with them and that you're not bringing too much trouble with ya." The dude seemed pretty desperate, he would probably end up hiring Dean one way or another - which wouldn't make this some sort of victory, but that was okay. Not like he would be getting work in any different conditions anyway.

"My car is a 67 Chevy Impala, and I've been taking care of her since I was sixteen. I also help fixing any trucks and cars back in the church. And, you know, yes I have shit in my life, but I never let it get into work." He sounded as sure as he could, like in his earlier days doing tricks - acting like he knew what he was doing, like he was no rookie. That had saved his ass back them, he wondered if it would be the same now.

Irv took a deep breath, looking at Dean, and seemed to consider if he was worth the job. After too many moments, he sighed. “Well, I won’t pay you much, but as long as you come to work at least four days a week, we’re fine, son. When can you start?”

“Next Tuesday, I have to drive my baby brother to Stanford this weekend.” He knew he sounded awfully proud when he told anyone about Sam’s college, but his brother, a Winchester, would be going to College, and a big one at that. Dean had all the right to be fucking proud.

The older man just smile. “See ya then, Dean.”

Dean was definitely not grinning dumb as he left the repair shop, he obviously did not punch the air shouting ‘oh yeah.’. He definitely didn't drive to where Cas was only to hug the priest and tell him he had got a job, a decent one, so he could see how proud the older man would be, how happy. He didn't smile even wider when Cas told him he knew Dean would make a great mechanic, and they didn't celebrate it by making out in the back seat of the Impala, then eating a burger and pie back at the Roadhouse with Adam and Sam, no way.

That would once have been too good to be true. Not anymore, though, and it couldn't harm to enjoy this bliss while it lasted.

 

 

He didn't want to say goodbye to Castiel.

He knew it was only for a couple of days, four actually, so they could drive Sammy to California and then come back. Anyhow, it was weird leaving him behind like this. Dean had just finished putting Sam’s boxes – two only – on the trunk when the older man showed up. Cas looked as distressed as him, not really trying to hide it.

“Hey there, tiger, you look like shit.” He tried to ease the situation, but it was not like Castiel could come with them, no matter how much Dean hated to see that kicked puppy look the priest had.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be, dude. I’ll be back before you even notice.” He looked around, trying to make sure no one was watching before he hugged Cas tight and buried his face on his neck. The older man held him closer too, whispering.

“I’ll miss you anyway.”

“I know.”

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Dean removed his face from its hiding spot so they could kiss. A slow and steady kiss, which kept them busy for a while. Dean rested his back on the Impala, letting their touch evolve from chaste. Even if it was not going anywhere, he loved how it felt when Cas was just a bit rough on him. They parted not long after, resting their foreheads together as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair.

“If we had the time, I would give you something to keep your mind entertained while I’m away.”

“You don’t need to, I have enough. Besides, I'd rather see your smile one more time.”

“You’re so freaking cheesy, Cas. Fucking sake.” As he said that, Dean laughed and playfully pushed the priest’s face, letting his hand linger so he could feel Cas’ stubble a bit more.

They heard the sound of the trailer’s door being opened and startled, each jumping to a side and looking away from each other, like they were two teenagers caught making out.

“You two are worse than bunnies, fucking hell.” Sam said, snorting a laugh and walking over to them. “Sorry, Cas, we gotta go.”

“No problem, Sam. I wish you the best. Please come to visit us when you can.”

And surprisingly – even for Dean that knew Cas cared about his brothers more than he’d show – the older man hugged his brother. The older Winchester could see Sammy smiling, before he hugged the priest back.

“I will. Take care of Dean for me? We both know he won’t do that himself.”

“Hey! I’m listening.”

“Good.”

Castiel let go of Sam and patted his shoulder. “I promise you Dean is in good hands. Now, I must leave before John sees me, I believe none of us wish a discussion with him right before a road trip.”

“It would be a good excuse to get rid of him.” Adam said while entering the car, having appeared out of nowhere.

Both of the older brothers startled. Cas only gave a sweet smile, kissed Dean’s lips one last time before walking away. Dean sighed and stood there, letting his head fall back. Sam set foot next to him, looking down.

“You think he’ll let me drive shotgun?” the teenager asked.

“I’m still wondering if he’ll let me drive t all.”

“He better, I don’t trust him anywhere near the steering wheel the way he is.”

They then heard the sound of the trailer door being locked and turned to watch as John came towards them, looking down and upset. Something wasn't right, but right now Dean had a bunch of other things to worry about, and his dad looking more depressed than usual wasn't in his top ten.

“Wanna go in the back or the front?”

Even if the two older sons were angry at their father in the moment, neither would stop John from choosing where he was sitting. It would only bring unnecessary stress.

“The backseat for now, I need to sleep.”

He sure was hangovered, but Dean guessed part of it was to do something nice for Sam., who took the passenger seat, smiling dumb. Adam pressed himself against his window, trying to keep as much distance as he could from John – who just assumed his sleeping position in the seat behind Dean’s.

As the young man drove away from the church, from Lawrence, from everything, he wished this was not about driving Sammy away, but about getting away himself. With his brothers and Cas – because why not? It was just a silly fantasy anyway.

This time he chose the music, putting one of his dad’s tapes on – the one with Wanted Dead or Alive and Fortunate Son – to fill the uncomfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! (for a while)
> 
> Sorry for taking such a long time, but I'm in the end of my Senior year (Because down here in South America we finish our classes in December), trying to get into a College (Because I'm no genius like Sammy and I need to study a lot) so I was drained by School and mom, and dad and tests. However, If I'm lucky enough, it will be over soon, but until it does, updates will be irregular.
> 
> thank you guys loads for the kudos, the bookmarks and the faves. We love it!
> 
> Now, I have to go, because the subjects don't study themselves.
> 
> Kissus!  
> See ya soon!(I Hope)
> 
> Ps: And yeah, shit's coming (you didn't really think I would write another 18 chapters of fluff and happiness did ya?)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When John Winchester is less of a homophobe than you, you have a problem

The drive was far from good.

It was hot, stupidly so, and somewhere between hours 3 and 4 the Impala’s radio had decided it needed a break, leaving them without any music to distract them from the silence.

Adam had fallen asleep on the back seat before they even made it to the first stop, Sam following not much after, and John just stayed there, glancing sideways at Dean, like his eldest son was making the dumbest mistake of his life. Which was great – he had to remember thanking his Dad for making it all a whole lot easier. Hopefully, the man would eventually be too drunk to understand the sarcasm in his son’s voice.

Dean was alone to his thoughts most of the time, and he wasn’t complaining. Not now when he didn’t have only the memories of his johns haunting him when he closed his eyes. Not when he knew Sam was going to have a pretty average life and he wouldn’t have to suck more dicks for it to happen.

The first stop was for lunch in a crappy diner somewhere in South Dakota. When he got out of the car, he couldn’t keep from cracking the crappy joke.

“We’re not in Kansas anymore.” Sam did laugh – more because he knew the only reason Dean quoted Dorothy was because Sammy had liked the book so much when he was kid that his older brother had actually bought him the film so they could watch it over and over againg.

The place was like every damn diner they had ever been to. Young waitress (that Dean may have hit on, if he didn’t have a very charming young priest waiting for him back home) who flirted with him and Sam, but was almost burned by Adam’s quick sarcastic replies when she tried to be sweet to him. It should have embarrassed the boys, but they actually couldn’t stop laughing at her confused face.

The burgers were not half bad, almost like the ones he made back home. After eating a decent lot and having time to use the bathroom or whatever else they wanted to do, Adam bought an Avengers comic book and Sam one of those cheap books made of recycled paper. They were soon back in the Impala and John offered to drive so Dean could sleep a bit, but Dean couldn’t for even a second consider leaving his babe in the hands of his alcoholic father that was nowhere near rehab. Even if that meant he would have to get near exhaustion.

They were in the car for another four hours or so then, and Dean almost missed the silence. Because John started to act like Sam was too stupid to stay by himself, and started the whole “You’re now on your own, me and Dean will be too far if something happens blah blah blah.” Something that would probably not have bothered his brother, weren’t for the fact that he knew John had left his kids and ran away. He knew that Dean had had to turn tricks so they could have a make-believe white-fenced life because their father had left them alone. He was angry, and had all the right to be. He wanted to protect his big brother, and Dean was sort of thankful for that, at least the younger ones weren’t as fucked up as him. But he could see that Sammy was on the verge of shouting, of breaking and saying everything he wanted to. And if he did, things would only become shittier than they already were.

“Please, Dad, we're on the road. Can’t we talk about this at the motel?”

Of course John wouldn't listen to whatever the fuck Dean was talking, but that was just who he was, after all. 

“Because when we get there you three are probably going to find a way to stay out of sight. And if you won’t listen to what I have to say later, then you’ll listen to me now.” 

He was right, in the end. Dean would probably drag his brothers away from their dad as soon as they set foot in one place, tough he hadn't expected John to notice that. 

“We just don’t need that right now.” Adam said, then leaned in, and banged the radio until it was working again, blasting some metal loud enough so the words couldn’t be heard. Dean made a note to self to give the kid a freaking award for awesomeness, or maybe just buy him an ice cream. On the other hand, John looked like he was almost hitting Adam, and this was no good. Dean was about to park the car so they could fight on the side of the road - it would be pretty pathetic, but not the first time - but Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and whispered.

“Drop it. It’s useless and we both know it.”

He did know it. Even so, he wouldn’t let his dad hurt Adam. So he scanned the area looking for any signs there was a motel nearby where they could stay the night, no matter how shitty. Not like they weren't used to it. The weeks after had mother died, John just didn’t seem to think much, he just drove with his two kids in the backseat for days, sleeping in shitty motels until Bobby came by and took them both with him; another three weeks passed before John returned home then. Luckily there was indeed a motel about two miles ahead to pull Dean out of his musings. He may have gone faster than it was necessary, but no one was going to mention that.

The place sucked, but Sam and Adam shared one room and he and John shared another nevertheless. Dad spent the night on a bar anyway, barely making it home in time so they could leave. But Dean couldn’t bring himself to be angry anymore, he was just tired of the way his old man acted. 

 

They parked right outside of Sam’s dorm. 

Dean hated goodbyes. 

However, it was even more bitter to say goodbye to his brother. He held Sammy like it was the last time they were gonna see each other. It was ridiculous because they both knew it was only a few months and he would be back for Christmas, and maybe if they were lucky enough John would have found another job and Bobby would be back. And it would be just like old times, plus Cas. Because no way he would leave Cas behind at the church – even if the priest had said he probably would be busy. It would be their first Christmas together, and he wanted to make sure it was a memorable event. 

Sam was not crying, even if it seemed like he wanted to. Trying to act like a grown man, he looked older already. 

Adam squeezed himself into their hug, and they just stood that way for some moments. Then Dean snorted a laugh while the kid whispered “You shut up.”

Sam smiled, messing the younger brother’s hair. “We didn’t say anything.” 

“You’re thinking.”  
“It’s a bit hard not to.”

Dean had to smile watching them tease each other. However, they had to leave before sunset or they would have to sleep at a motel, all three – him, John and Adam – in the same bedroom. And it was already traumatizing enough having to stay in the same car as them for the trip back which they would be doing all at once, him and dad taking turns to drive his babe. Because he could fix her if he needed, but if he stayed more than a day with his dad, they would kill each other. When he and Adam let go of Sam, it was heartbreaking. They stepped back and he gripped his brother’s shoulder, whispering his last words. 

 

“You better call me, understood?”

“I will.”

And just like that he and Adam left, John with them. 

Leaving Sam behind.  
And if this left him empty and miserable, like a father having to let go of his first born, it only mattered to him.  
He may have pulled Adam a bit closer, and jumped onto the back seat with him.  
No one mentioned anything.

 

“So, when were you planning to tell me you are fucking the priest?” the question broke the silence of the car. It was night already, and Dean had been trying to sleep in the passenger seat. He was uncomfortable with his dad driving, but at least it gave him an excuse to make his father stay sober. 

Adam looked terrified. Dean gestured to the kid to stand low, that things were alright, even if they weren’t. 

“What are you saying, Dad?” He tried not to sound nervous. 

“That I saw you with the priest before we left.” This was a statement that hit Dean like a bucket of cold water. He didn't say a thing, because he could say his dad was lying. He and Cas were indeed kissing before they left, he sort of hoped his dad hadn’t noticed that. However, if he had it seen it, was useless to lie. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

So he let his dad continue.

“I don’t know why you let people use you like that, Dean. He won’t stay with you forever, he probably only wants a good fuck and you’re an easy one. Someone he knows won’t spread his dirty little secret around.”

“Cas is not like that.” He growled while saying that, too angry that his dad would even consider that. 

“You can’t know that. You’ve only known him for less than a year, and you’re desperate for some sort of emotional stability, I get it. But is dangerous for you and for your brothers. It would be bad if you were tricked into believing that this is something else.”

Dean should be screaming something back, defending Cas’ honor with teeth and claws like an animal. Instead, he laughed loudly and let his head fall back. John Winchester was actually acting like a father, he was concerned that Dean would be too heartbroken. He was concerned. This should be annoying, but he was so sleep deprived and well, it was his dad, not like he would get any better than this. He probably didn’t even realize how funny this was. Adam frowned looking at him.  
He stopped laughing after a while, noticing how his dad looked confused. Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Just stay out of it, Dad. I’m not a teenager girl, and Cas is not the bad boy that is gonna ditch me before prom.” 

“I hope you’re right.”

Dean hoped it too.

 

They arrived in Lawrence right before dawn. Dean was driving, John asleep next to him and Adam had just woken up from what seemed to be a bad dream.

“Wanna eat something before we go back to the trailer?” He asked, using the rearview mirror so his eyes would meet his younger brother’s.

“I just wanna go home, Dean. And you wanna see Cas…”

There was something wrong with the way Adam was acting. Dean wanted to try making him open up, but it would probably make the kid go further away. Dean sighed and changed the route, now straight to the church.

He knew part of the problem was John staying with them. Adam, more than Sam and Dean, couldn’t forgive their dad. He didn’t even think of him as his dad. Once, when he was six or so, he'd called Dean “Dad” and John had heard it. The man looked heartbroken, and screamed at the kid for hours. He didn’t hit Adam, but his eyes shone with hurt and anger. He had then gone to the bar, and hadn't come back for more than a week. Adam had felt guilty for not loving him, but that never changed anything.

Even if Dean knew they should go straight to home, he instead drove by one of these fast food places with a drive-through and ordered something so they could at least eat before bed. And he didn’t want to bother about it, all he wanted was to leave dad and Adam at the trailer and spend his morning sleeping in Cas’ bed. Perhaps cuddling with the priest, not because he liked cuddling, of course not, but his- Cas probably missed him.

John seemed to be happy for the meal, wolfing it down like it was his last. Adam just ate the curly fries like they were the only decent thing there. It was something amusing to watch. He then drove to the church, and when the Impala drove by it he saw Castiel talking to some members of the congregation that had already arrived for the mass. Their eyes met and Dean half-waved towards the older man.

“Dean… You better smile a little wider, I think some folks in Japan didn’t realize you and Cas are fucking yet.” Adam teased, finishing his soda. 

“Watch that mouth.” He didn’t even really care about Adam swearing anymore, just let a smirk fill his lips. 

 

He missed Cas.

It was only by the end of the day when Dean finally felt the warmth of his own body against the priest’s again, when he looked into Cas’ blue eyes beneath him and saw how tired he looked, and had to admit – even if only to himself – that he had really missed him. He was so damn lucky Cas had decided to stuck up with a loser like him.

“Can I spend the night?” He asked, whispering into Cas’ ear. 

There were a few kisses pressed onto his temple, soft ones that made him smirk. 

“Of course you can, but will Adam be fine, staying alone with your father?”

That was the only problem, leaving his youngest brother behind was not something he could do. Especially when the reason why shit was happening had nothing to do with the boy. Dean sighed - if only he could take Cas back home... Castiel massaged his scalp, pulling him close and breathing on his neck. 

“I just wanted to be with you for a bit.”

“You can, but you can’t leave him alone.” 

Dean turned slightly and kissed the priest, slow and gentle. Soon Castiel was pressing him against the mattress, still calm and soothing. He must have been truly in need of genuine affection, because he just clinged to Cas like the priest was planning to run away. When Dean realized what he was doing, he started to let go of the older man, but as if reading Dean’s mind Cas pulled him closer.

“Stay for now, please, I missed you so much.”

“I can’t.” He tried – really, he tried – not to sound like he was already done for, but needless to say he failed miserably. 

He could feel the way Cas smiled, pressing his face to the curve of Dean’s neck to his shoulder. They were such a sappy couple. If anyone had told Dean his life would have so many chick flick moments in it, he would have laughed at them (because no way a whore could have a happy and cute life with someone). 

“Wanna do a quickie before I have to drive back?” He asked, sounding maybe a bit too vulgar as he whispered in Cas’ ear, but who gave a fuck? He could damn well be cheap and dirty if he wanted to.

The groan that left the older man’s throat was enough of an answer. They went back to kissing – this time rough and sensual. He flipped them around, so he was on top of Cas again, and didn’t take long to straddle him. The first thing he took off was the same as always, the white neck piece that marked what Castiel was - he really didn’t need another reminder that what they were doing was wrong. Cas’ hands – big and warm and perfect – tugged his t-shirt up, then caressed his body spending an indecent amount of time on that damned low part of Dean’s stomach that refused to become a six-pack. Dean tried to glare, but the smile on Cas’ face made it impossible. 

They returned to kissing, while Dean tried to unbutton the black shirt the other man was wearing, grinding their hips. The muffled sounds that escaped their kiss could be from either of them, it didn’t matter as long as they kept their bodies together.

Then suddenly, “FUCK! You could at least close the door, put a sock on it or something.” Adam’s shout startled them both and made them jump apart. 

“Cas! I thought you had closed the damned thing!”

The priest frowned, confused. “I must have forgotten. I could swear I had done it.” He mumbled the last part to himself. 

Dean was confused, but right now he had to talk to a traumatized eleven year old standing by the door, hands covering his eyes like someone had thrown poison at them. The now mechanic (and it still felt weird, knowing he had an average job, a nice ordinary job) got up, glancing at Cas before walking towards his brother. 

“Sorry, bro.” He really was - even if it wasn’t the first time one of his brothers walked into him with someone, he felt that whatever he was doing with Cas had too much intimacy. “But what happened anyway, weren’t you supposed to stay with Dad at the trailer?”

“He left.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, someone called him and he left right after you, only said he wouldn’t be back for a while."

Dean was torn between cursing his old man and feeling weirdly relieved. But that was just how things went when it came to his father. At the moment, though, he had more pressing matters. As a brother to put to sleep, and blue eyes and pink lips to think about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID YA MISS ME?  
> Betcha ya did!!  
> today is my birthday! Yupppiii!  
> Hope you like this chapter, and well, let's hope the next one comes out faster.  
> thanks a lot kudos, comments and bookmarks, they always make us happy!  
> Kissus  
> See ya soon(or not)!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post a chapter every time I finish the one I'm writing (I have finished up until three chapther ahead, which means I'll always have some spare chapters in the way)  
> See you guys soon (or not if you guys are reading this in the future where I've already finished the fic)
> 
> Our tumblrs - http://pandora-is-on-the-impala.tumblr.com/ (Clara, the writer)  
> http://spice-and-raging-kittens.tumblr.com/ (Jana, the beta)


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